Are you haunted by the fact that it is unlikely anyone would ever be honest with you about CTB?

[thousandislandstare]

I feel as though my situation is genuinely unworkable. That there is no realistic path forward. But I have always been the sort to seek guidance and second opinions, to openly work out my thoughts. And lately, I have been especially unsure of my own judgement, because I am not thinking clearly at all. But it is unlikely a well meaning person would ever say, "Yes, I see where you're coming from. I've examined everything and there is nothing that can be done and I'm sorry. Your feelings are completely rational." In most cases, a person is only going to tell you to end your life in an attempt to hurt you.

I keep thinking of that "drowning rat" experiment. Where the researchers dropped rats in jars of water and they would sink within 15 minutes. The rats that were rescued before sinking would swim for longer during subsequent rounds in the water and were eventually conditioned to swim for up to 60 consecutive hours before giving up. It's often celebrated as evidence of the power of hope, but that has always seemed completely backwards to me. Is the extra 60 hours of treading water really such a blessing if you never make it to dry land and end up drowning anyway?

 

[Passenger4224]

I feel so ill thinking about how they put the poor rats through that shit. They didn't have to do that shit. The outcome was already so obvious.

I find the fact haunting yea, I'm so used to it now that it no longer phases me

 

[EternalShore]

wow, that experiment sounds terrible~ D: If you want to kill rats, just get a cat, put them in a mouse trap, or shoot them~ :( regardless, yeah, I was thinking that earlier today... I doubt anyone's honest or truthful whatsoever~ I've been through enough "friends" to be almost certain it's all just fake~ :( It's just so sad~ :( I need someone so badly irl, but everyone is just a bunch of selfish liars~ :( I just wish they could be honest and truthful, so maybe I could attract people to me somehow~ I'm sure others need someone too~ :( it can't just be SS~

 

[Lamentice]

The issue is always that they never believe they're being dishonest even when they just directly lied to your face. That's what bothers me. As long as they have a personal justification for themselves they're not a liar and they're not lying. And everyone has a personal justification for everything they do lol.

I don't participate in social performances anymore, so in my place of work I witness people lying pretty much everyday, they all believe themselves to be genuine and self-aware people.. so it doesn't compute to them--the lying is just a human social standard, it's just part of the everyday routine of getting along with people in the moment.

Humans social dynamics are really disturbing and strange as an outside-observer operating on a completely estranged internal system. I'm trying to find it more amusing than grating because otherwise I am navigating the entire day with simmering hatred for everyone around me.. it's not a pleasant way to exist when I have to be around people.