truehappiness
Close to true happiness =)
- Mar 3, 2026
- 16
This is hard to describe, but my brain basically dictates everything for me.
Without any trigger or reason I just know what I am "allowed" to do without feeling terrible.
At a random point my brain goes into a social mode where I can not sit in front of my PC but urgently want to meet up with people. A shut-in mode where being around people feels absolutely unbearable no matter what I try. A "total-doom" mode where whatever I touch feels so boring.
The only thing that has stayed constant for me is the permanent sadness in my head that stayed with me since I was 13. Nothing but one thing can suppress that. I can have the most perfect day and still have that urgent wish to not wake up the next day during the entire day. Only thing that helped so far to suppress that voice in my brain was to indulge in my maso side... and else nothing whatsoever. I don't even know what is going on up there.
Do you also have that?
That you get "forced" to things that you, as a person, don't want to do but your brain dictates for you?
Without any trigger or reason I just know what I am "allowed" to do without feeling terrible.
At a random point my brain goes into a social mode where I can not sit in front of my PC but urgently want to meet up with people. A shut-in mode where being around people feels absolutely unbearable no matter what I try. A "total-doom" mode where whatever I touch feels so boring.
The only thing that has stayed constant for me is the permanent sadness in my head that stayed with me since I was 13. Nothing but one thing can suppress that. I can have the most perfect day and still have that urgent wish to not wake up the next day during the entire day. Only thing that helped so far to suppress that voice in my brain was to indulge in my maso side... and else nothing whatsoever. I don't even know what is going on up there.
Do you also have that?
That you get "forced" to things that you, as a person, don't want to do but your brain dictates for you?
