Discussion Anyone that was a happy normal person before with a great life and never thought of suicide once? What went wrong?

[HopeToStay]

I've been passively suicidal in the past but i'd mostly got through all that. Life events had to change for me to sign up to a suicide forum and really think about it, to the point where now it feels unlikely I won't have done it over the next few years.

So somewhere in between, i don't want to die i want my circumstances to go back to as before, but maybe i have a reduced/unrealistic tolerance to life setbacks.

I was happy and relatively healthy until 4 years ago, just some fatigue and depression here and there. Probably undiagnosed autism. Often felt good. Turns out I had some genetic defects leading to slow detox. Then a domino effect of bad genes, bad environment and bad luck have led to chronic immune system dysfunction and infections that seem untreatable and symptoms that I can't live with.
It's tricky cos some of it is undiagnosable in the mainstream currently so i can't even talk about it with other people in a way they understand, and I get gaslit by doctors, so that's isolating. The contrast between me and my life a few years ago, and now, is huge. Covid probably had a role to play but there's much more on top of that.

Damn there are many parallels to me here. I was also gaslit by my doctor, completely different thing to what you had but it had dreadful consequences. And yes it's very isolating. Actually made me quite a bitter and cynical person, that even a doctor could mess you about...

 

[exe99109]

Got a really bad hamstring tendon injury in one leg. After 5 months I thought I had recovered. Went walking for 2 hrs. 2 days later hurt same injury. 1 month later hurt right leg hamstring. 2 weeks later hurt both legs again but worse. Arms went numb once. Started having elbow pain in both arms. Had limited use. 6 months later arms became a little bit better. Started trying to walk with walker. Hurt both legs again. Feet, knees, calfs will be unusable and with pain. 4 Dr visits, 3 specialist visits, a lot of blood tests, many xrays, mris, ct scans, and a hospital visit but have received no help with helping me walk without getting hurt. I just rather expedite what is already going to happen without having to go through the pain and suffering.

 

[amerie]

I was happy until 19 when my ocd, depression and anxiety started i don't know what triggered i had a cold and a week or so all kicked in

Probably your family had a history of it and the cold fucked up your nervous system and brain and triggered the genetic potential

 

[iwantitover]

Honestly till I was ten then in the last year of primary or grade school I was put in a special educational needs school and that fucked me up mentally to the point where I was put on anti depression meds and therapy from the age of 12 I've been sucidel and attempted for the first time when I was 13 I've tried 6 more times I've seen a lot which has traumatised me I have severe ocd and anxiety and probably have depression of some kind and im starting to think I may have ptsd due to multiple traumatic events in my life which has also I think probably affected my way of loving the opposite gender and may have affected my last short relationship with a girl so yea I'm suicidal and probably will be till I kill kms

 

[Doll Steak]

Ever since I was really young I always felt strange, not of sadness, not of hopelessness, not of despair, Just weirdly different or more self aware.

My first thoughts of suicide were at age 10 or 12 though, not actually serious I would say, it was triggered by something stupid like my parents not letting me play a video game or something but it was likely a culmination of family issues, my general emotional instability, lack of support, and personal issues.
I guess just the straw that broke the camels back.

I was still happy ALOT of the time since I was so young but then it all came back around 15-16, just the same kind of reasons but worse and harder hitting, more personal problems, existential problems, etc. Nothing much has changed since then.