Anyone here struggle with eating due to childhood abuse?

[Water-Lily]

Thanks to my moms psychological abuse I probably have an ED of some kind. any who I was so skinny but she was so abusive I never saw it. Looking back I wish I had that body

I am trying to reclaim it now but its hard. My living situation sucks (denial dad, abusive younger brother) so eating can be a coping mechanism. But I am cutting back for the sake of my health

Also I lashed out at a bunch of people today and yesterday so anyone on the receiving end off my shit.....sorry

 

[Water-Lily]

Not much but my mom was pretty forceful with food, enough that I literally hate eating now. I just have to cos I know the health problems are worse, which just seems to validity what she did

oh my gosh. I hate when parents fail their kids.

 

[Water-Lily]

I sense snarkyness so I'll just leave it and say I'm not going to make this into a competition

Huh? No I was being genuine. I hope I didnt offend you.

 

[Water-Lily]

Ah ok sorry about that then, must be a tricky day for me. Sorry

Thanks. Its been a rough day for me too tbh. again sorry if I came off as rude. wasnt my intent at all.

 

[Deleted member 22624]

Thanks. Its been a rough day for me too tbh. again sorry if I came off as rude. wasnt my intent at all.

I doubt it was you to be honest, I'm not good at reading between the lines and just made a mistake, sorry I brought trouble to your post especially when you're having a rough day.. well done for finding other ways of coping, well done for getting this far through today

 

[Life_and_Death]

Yes. Ummm.... Where to start.... I got accused of "stealing" food in my own home so whenever Im at a friend's house I sit there quietly and don't move because I don't want to "steal" the worse part was I didn't even touch it. Then there was supper. It's call digestion. "you didn't eat all your food so that's all you get because you must be full" yes I'm full but in about half an hour I'll be starving because I digested it. Instead after stuffing my face until just about puking I still got to sit there and watch the rest of the family have dessert. Then there was school lunches that she stopped sending with me so I'd get food from my friends.

And now I completely hate everything to do with eating except preperation.

Although I'll never believe I'm good at it. I physically don't taste food the way other's do. I taste it but it's dull and doesn't register as "good". Anyway that's probably because when I was 14 my brother went to Toronto for surgery and mother went with him. That left my stepfather (who was at work),my grandmother (that sat on her ass all day) and me (going to school) and somehow it was my job to cook food for everyone with zero prior knowledge and my stepfather walking to the table then turning around and walking away with nothing more then a disgust look on his face.

Fuck the both of you worthless assholes.

(edit: I didn't go into all the problems this in general has caused, like how I can go a couple days because I just completely forget to eat or I'm just physically not hungry or interested. Although I think that sums it up. It's made me into a snaking person I don't like meals.)

(edit 2: I forgot. I got home from school one day to find my mother had spent the day baking and each one said " 'willow' don't touch". There was 5-10 different baked goods and out of 4-6 of us, I wasn't allowed to touch them and only me. (I can't give an accurate number because I don't remember if my grandmother was living with us at the time or if my second brother was born yet))

 

[signifying nothing]

I sometimes think dealing with our relationship with food is like the simplest form of therapy, something to focus on and reflect how we are feeling about ourselves and our situation in life.

Even if you feel you can't do anything about your relationships with the people around you, I hope you can work towards healing your relationship with food.

 

[stygal]

Yes, I pretty much cope with either eating waaay too much or nothing at all ever since early childhood.
I also tried to starve myself to make myself look less attractive at some point but it actually didn't even work out...some people commented I looked like death but were still trying to hook up with me.

 

[Blowba]

Yes this is the biggest thing I deal with and my main focus in therapy I have developed an ED from 8th grade now I am 19 when I feel any emotion of angry and disappointment I restrict myself from eating I developed this behavior from my childhood trauma due to mostly my father because of things I couldnt control as a kid.

 

[mini_weeny]

Yes. Ummm.... Where to start.... I got accused of "stealing" food in my own home so whenever Im at a friend's house I sit there quietly and don't move because I don't want to "steal" the worse part was I didn't even touch it. Then there was supper. It's call digestion. "you didn't eat all your food so that's all you get because you must be full" yes I'm full but in about half an hour I'll be starving because I digested it. Instead after stuffing my face until just about puking I still got to sit there and watch the rest of the family have dessert. Then there was school lunches that she stopped sending with me so I'd get food from my friends.

And now I completely hate everything to do with eating except preperation.

Although I'll never believe I'm good at it. I physically don't taste food the way other's do. I taste it but it's dull and doesn't register as "good". Anyway that's probably because when I was 14 my brother went to Toronto for surgery and mother went with him. That left my stepfather (who was at work),my grandmother (that sat on her ass all day) and me (going to school) and somehow it was my job to cook food for everyone with zero prior knowledge and my stepfather walking to the table then turning around and walking away with nothing more then a disgust look on his face.

Fuck the both of you worthless assholes.

(edit: I didn't go into all the problems this in general has caused, like how I can go a couple days because I just completely forget to eat or I'm just physically not hungry or interested. Although I think that sums it up. It's made me into a snaking person I don't like meals.)

(edit 2: I forgot. I got home from school one day to find my mother had spent the day baking and each one said " 'willow' don't touch". There was 5-10 different baked goods and out of 4-6 of us, I wasn't allowed to touch them and only me. (I can't give an accurate number because I don't remember if my grandmother was living with us at the time or if my second brother was born yet))

Hmm very interesting, after my descent into physical and mental health hell I have the same issue, I also don't taste food like before and have become a snacker myself. Maybe there's something that got fucked in our brains????? Sorry to hear you grew up in such abusive environments, our parents sometimes make a good job of totally destroying us with their own mental health issues.