Anyone else wanting to ruin their life even more so they have the courage to end it all?

[quediuqueque]

I fantasise about everything a mess until it is even more unbearable

 

[symphony]

I'm not explicitly doing this, but I'm also not making any long-term plans past the end of this year. I'm hoping to be gone by mid-October. But if I'm somehow around past then, I'll kinda be fucked. The reason I'm doing it that way is like, why exert all that energy planning for the future if I won't have one? But I guess an added bonus is it may give me more motivation to go through with it all.

 

[quediuqueque]

I'm not explicitly doing this, but I'm also not making any long-term plans past the end of this year. I'm hoping to be gone by mid-October. But if I'm somehow around past then, I'll kinda be fucked. The reason I'm doing it that way is like, why exert all that energy planning for the future if I won't have one? But I guess an added bonus is it may give me more motivation to go through with it all.

I feel kind of the same in a way. I always look forward to my next attempt, it gives me hope and removes the pain, sadness and anxiety.

I don't even think about the next week.

 

[CiproKilledMe]

Yes...I was just thinking the other day that I should commit a crime so that I'm forced to ctb before the cops come and get me.

 

[Huntfish34]

Damn , that's pretty crazy... I've kinda been doing the same thing myself. If I could somehow get fired from my job / quit, or possibly just throw Another wrench into my already fucked off life. The other day I contemplated getting into some sort of wreck while I was drunk and stoned so I would flee the scene and off myself in a nightmare panic mode before the cops came.

Maybe then I could Ctb with more courage and strength. Kind of awkward,. But I totally understand.

Happy Easter to you all,. I wish Nothing but the best.

 

[Maaizr]

Yes...I was just thinking the other day that I should commit a crime so that I'm forced to ctb before the cops come and get me.

not gonna lie one of my plans is ctb by cop haha but thats like plan c

 

[VoidDesirer22]

I fantasise about everything a mess until it is even more unbearable

Yes I have self-sabotaged very skillfully this week. I didn't even intend to fuck up so badly, but it's working to give me that extra push.

 

[FuneralCry]

My life will get even more ruined on its own, I do not need to do anything to ruin it. I am suffering enough, but eventually I believe that I will get desperate enough to leave this world, when things get worse for me. My future will be only pain and misery and I do not want to be there to see it.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

I'm definitely doing it subconsciously… Cutting off all friendships, isolating myself, letting the trash pile up, letting my teeth rot, blowing off opportunities… I'm letting my life fall into congruence with who I finally know I really am … a useless fraud…

 

[Foresight]

I wouldn't want to "mess it up" in a burn the house down way. I prefer a quiet let go while going about business as usual, but that's a preference. I want to go out with a silent sense of peace with it all.

I'm already deep in the let go. I feel like a suicide pokemon entering it's final evolution.

 

[watermelonsugaré]

That literally just happened to me by accident like a week ago, lolol. I was having second thoughts about going through with it until another health issue popped up and I was like, yep lets just end this pathetic miserable existence already

 

[Lost Magic]

Actually, that's not a bad idea. However, I don't really want all the extra stress of having anything fucked up intentionally. Saying that, if things do decline further (out of my control) it will make my decision to depart these earthly plains, all the much easier.

 

[deathbydragon]

I have been gradually becoming more self-destructive as I get closer to the end, there's an urge to burn every bridge I can. I don't want to be remembered.

 

[outrider567]

I fantasise about everything a mess until it is even more unbearable

No--I still exercise each morning(climb 700 steps),brush my teeth twice a day, eat quite healthy, keep weight down--Want to be in good shape when they find my corpse

 

[JamieJambo]

I'm definitely doing it subconsciously… Cutting off all friendships, isolating myself, letting the trash pile up, letting my teeth rot, blowing off opportunities… I'm letting my life fall into congruence with who I finally know I really am … a useless fraud…

I'm doing this too

 

[ShepherdOfMyself]

I've really struggled with this one. On the one hand, it's going to be far easier to work up the courage to CTB if I have nothing left- no funds to carry myself, no career prospects, etc. However, as vain as this sounds... I am a bit worried about my legacy. People keep saying I have a bright future ahead of me, and I sort of like the idea that I'd leave as someone who killed themselves before they reached their full potential, rather than someone who left with their life in shambles.
If nothing else, I'm planning to donate all my funds to a charity. Sort of gets the best of both worlds.

 

[savoytruffle]

exactly me, ive given up on most things like brushing my teeth, exercise or taking my thyroid meds. What's the point if I'm going to be dead soon? the only thing I'm pretty much doing is taking a weekly bath now. Stopped talking to every single one of my friends in 2019, so that's over and done with as well. I hope when they find out I'm gone they genuinely don't mind at all. More anonymous than a blade of grass.

 

[outrider567]

exactly me, ive given up on most things like brushing my teeth, exercise or taking my thyroid meds. What's the point if I'm going to be dead soon? the only thing I'm pretty much doing is taking a weekly bath now. Stopped talking to every single one of my friends in 2019, so that's over and done with as well. I hope when they find out I'm gone they genuinely don't mind at all. More anonymous than a blade of grass.

Does seem pointless but I still take two hot showers a day, helps me cope slightly

 

[lofticries]

A couple years ago I thought a lot about throwing every single thing I owned in the trash so I'd have nothing left that I owned in my life.

 

[myopybyproxy]

perhaps this is the subconscious purpose behind my crack use

 

[Hell-On-Earth]

I've essentially been doing this for the past three years, non stop cannabis use with diazapam, mixing with alcohol and sleeping pills, which is a dangerous combination. I've been self destructive for all that time.