Anyone else only feel 'normal' when they're planning/thinking about their suicide, then when everyday life happens feel majorly depressed?

[SummerDreamer]

I find that I only feel motivated and not feel horrible negative emotional pain when I'm planning my suicide. As soon as I have to do something like cook or my mum makes me go for a walk with her or something I just feel so so majorly depressed, because I'm experiencing the things I used to enjoy and know I will never experience them in that same way again. Anyone else feel like this :( <3

 

[KibblesNBits]

Absolutely. I tried to find enjoyment in the things I used to but I can't because no matter how much I try to distract myself, I know what I want to do.

 

[Georgii]

I feel this ...
The only thing I can partly use to keep my mind busy is work .But as soon as I get home it strikes me ..even when I tried new hobbies, new things it just made me even more frustrated because I couldnt simply enjoy it .Everything I would do would turn into an annoyance for me .

 

[JCAPPY34]

100%! Planning seems to give the focus that hobbies and interests used to but don't anymore! The trials of deep thinking and scenario obsessing!

 

[TAW122]

I feel some sense of productiveness and drive when I start planning and thinking about death, how I would die, and all the details of it. I suppose it was the feeling of temporary relief knowing that my end will come someday soon.

 

[Sinai Silence]

Planning for the end brings me a lot of comfort, it is one of the few things in my life I have control over.

I look forward to the feeling of nothing.

 

[nerve]

Yeah, I think so.

I can focus on planning / researching / visualizing my ctb a lot easier than I can focus on other things. It almost feels like a calling, something I've always been meant to do, and I guess with that comes a sense of purpose and determination.

Its helped me understand other people a little more. Maybe this is kind of like when people say they're passionate about a cause or their career or family or whatever.

 

[I screwed up]

Yes very much. Intact planning ctb is what I do the whole time

 

[Meditation guide]

I can't think of anything else. I try to find small distractions to pass the time but I'm obsessed with my mission.

 

[HappyMstake]

Yeah that's why lately I've just been constantly thinking about ctb and things I won't have to worry about anymore nonstop, cause if I start thinking about things I'll miss out on or people I'll affect when I do ctb I feel guilty and even more depressed.

 

[SummerDreamer]

Yeah that's why lately I've just been constantly thinking about ctb and things I won't have to worry about anymore nonstop, cause if I start thinking about things I'll miss out on or people I'll affect when I do ctb I feel guilty and even more depressed.

Yeah I feel this...once you're dead you can't know about anything else in this life. And living right now and being tortured by thoughts is not something you want to draw out for so long :(

 

[AnxietyAttack44]

Yes

 

[Djfrend]

Yes.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

Yeah, I'm a weird creature that doesn't fit into the real world. The only thing that makes sense to me is dying, everything else feels forced.

 

[Aeathelina]

Planning ( then failing) my suicide over the years is the only consistent thought I've had in seven too long years.

 

[SunInTheShade9]

Definitely can relate to that, OP.
Xo

 

[Alec]

YES! Thinking and planning my suicide is my only comfort now, it's the only time I feel like me, like I fit into something, and it's the only thing that doesn't make me feel pain and depressed, everything's else is just so dark and I feel pain all the time about everything except for when I think about my suicide, then I feel a bit safer in gen arak and freer and feel more like I'm gonna be ok, because suicide is the only thing that can bring me release from the pain of everything else. I'm trying so hard to explain this the best I can but I don't feel like I'm explaining it well. Thinking about my suicide is my only comfort now, it's the only thing that calmed me down, I try to think about suicide to avoid panic attacks when pain becomes too much and when I have to do too many things one after the other without stopping or breaks, especially if those things involve dealing with a lot of people.

 

[Harleyyy]

I think it happens because you find hope in believing that there is a way to end your pain, so you keep thinking about it and it feels Comforting that it will end someday, but when everyday life happens you feel stuck in a void.

 

[Jblack]

When I am planning my exit, I become very relaxed. I seem to block everything else out of my mind. It is an escape from the confusion I face daily in life. As I plan out the little details of my demise, everything seems so clear and uncluttered in my mind.

 

[ReluctantSeeker]

Be careful. Some of this is prime 'examples of impending suicide' material that psych and medical personnel specifically watch for.

Cleveland Clinic guidelines

What are some of the most common suicide warning signs?

• Sudden calmness: The person suddenly becomes calm after a period of depression or moodiness.

• Making preparations: The person begins to put their personal business in order. This might include visiting friends and family members, giving away personal possessions, making a will and cleaning up their room or home.

I know it's crappy to say this, but...be smart and guard yourself and your actions when going about things in the outside world. Get 'em done, by all means, and enjoy the feelings of having a purpose and pursuing goals, but take care: there's a lot at stake here.

 

[outrider567]

Yes

 

[Slimetae]

I only feel a moment ofpeace when I think of the many ways to ctb then I remember I don't have the money to do any and I'm miserable.

 

[toseeyousmile]

That's the worst, I also feel like shit when doing things I used to enjoy and it's the worst. Sometimes I even get memories of times when I was happy too which makes me think, what happened?

 

[FuneralCry]

I never really feel any positive emotions. In my case, I feel trapped in this world as I have very limited access to methods and it hurts me that suicide is so difficult. I do think that I would feel relieved if I had the option of a peaceful and reliable way to exit. It would be comforting knowing that I could peacefully end the suffering when the time is right for me.