anyone else miss the person they used to be

[takuyangel]

it's like everyday i'm forced to recall and mourn a past version of myself. all the hobbies i used to have, motivation for getting outside, confidence in myself, and all the comfort and stability i held in my mind. i get that change is inevitable, but it makes me sad. i just don't know where it all went. i feel so boring now, i can barely hold a conversation, and everything i do and say to other people is just so forced, something so obviously ingenuine and squeezed out of a memory of who i recall i'm supposed to be just enough to come off as socially acceptable. and it's so apparent, it just prevents me from getting close to other people. god i hate myself. i don't have any friends now, i lost so many in the last year, but i completely get it. i probably wouldn't wanna be friends with me either.

my last relationship ended about a month ago and all i can remember is how many times near the end i would literally apologize to her for being the version of myself that i was. and how much better it would've been if they had knew me some months earlier. there's no profound meaning in it. it's just all gone. i don't know how to get it back. i'm scared, i don;t think i ever will.

 

[CuckoosInvisible]

No. Sometimes I fantasize about abusing my younger self. I don't know why I harbor so much hate for them, but I do.

 

[ericharrisisgod]

Yes. I wish I was normal. I wish i didnt idolize the people i do, i wish i was still healthy and active and happy. it all sucks.

 

[rigsid]

My condition has slowly deteriorated so absolutely. I completely relate.

If you need someone to talk to about it feel free to DM me <3

 

[DownwardSpiral]

No, I've always been pathetic. I had moments of happiness and sure I miss that, but it was all an illusion and I was just blissfully unaware that I was headed down a dead end.

 

[RosebyAnyName]

No. Sometimes I fantasize about abusing my younger self. I don't know why I harbor so much hate for them, but I do.

This is my answer as well.

The person I was in the past was stupid, annoying, and ignorant, and everything bad that happened was my own fault. Maybe if I had more guidance I wouldn't have turned out so poorly, but others have received less guidance and turned out fine so clearly it was my fault somehow. I remember fantasizing about protecting my younger self, now I just want to punish them.

 

[ThePollinator]

There is no younger self I wish to be. All I remember is me feeling the way that I feel now. I was never a good human being capable of great things. I've always been awful.