Anyone else having sudden "moments of clarity"?

[kai2001]

I'm not sure what to call it, but every now and then I have those moments where my mind suddenly goes "Wait a second, you wanna kill yourself? How did you even get to this point, that's messed up! What are you doing?". This usually happens during the day, mostly early on.

I'm currently in the process of waiting for my SN order to arrive so I'm already very set on doing it. And it's not like those thoughts are really persistent. After a few minutes I'm already back to my usual, pro-suicide state, so it's not like it makes me change my mind. But what is it then? Is it just my SI kicking in and desperately trying to keep me alive? Does this sound familiar for anyone here?

 

[ollo]

all the time, it's like a pendulum, back and forth. Sometimes I feel, I don't need suicide, I would just die as a miserable person that i would be and die of old age. Other times, it's more like to vanish from everything as soon as possible, no memory, no thing left behind. That would indicate i existed. Nothing for other to deal with, I could be in peace, and other in their own little worlds....

 

[lostmyacc]

From my personal experience, i know that at certain times the pain and suffering is kind of like Numb. Maybe the brain does things like this to protect itself.

Maybe your brain does things like question you via intrusive thoughts or give you rush of adrenaline things like this.

I don't have moments where I want to stay alive, but what i do have is fears and worries about the process of dying witch gives me worries. I understand that this will always remain and can never fade even if it marginally gets manageable.

I am convinced your mind will do anything to stop you from dying, this is why you can't overthink too much and I am starting to lean to the idea that once I have the method. Going to do it impulsively is probably best.

 

[ollo]

From my personal experience, i know that at certain times the pain and suffering is kind of like Numb. Maybe the brain does things like this to protect itself.

Maybe your brain does things like question you via intrusive thoughts or give you rush of adrenaline things like this.

I don't have moments where I want to stay alive, but what i do have is fears and worries about the process of dying witch gives me worries. I understand that this will always remain and can never fade even if it marginally gets manageable.

I am convinced your mind will do anything to stop you from dying, this is why you can't overthink too much and I am starting to lean to the idea that once I have the method. Going to do it impulsively is probably best.

This PhD guy has a different opinion, about impuslive suicides,

 

[lostmyacc]

This PhD guy has a different opinion, about impuslive suicides,

Well my feeling is, once you have Method such as SN/ N (N in my case).
I would advise about not setting a date far off in the future, and going for it whenever you wakeup in the morning and think. Ok today is the day sorta thing.