Anyone else have BPD?

[northevelyn]

Borderline Personality Disorder is one of my main diagnosis, and it is one of the main reasons I want to ctb. I'm wondering if anyone else here has BPD and what your experience has been that led you here.

 

[Forveleth]

If you have the search unlocked, you can search for BPD. There are a couple threads that I have seen with this title, so there are definitely other people here.

 

[FoxSauce]

Yes i do have bpd

 

[ExistHarm]

yep. it sucks so bad my friend who also had it just killed herself. its a 10% or something crazy of people with BPD who CTB. yes, 10% its crazy.

 

[DeathWish3301]

Sure do. Took me forever to get diagnosed. I've been told it's under diagnosed in men. I'm 30 and had 8 out of 9 criteria since at least my mid twenties.

 

[northevelyn]

Sure do. Took me forever to get diagnosed. I've been told it's under diagnosed in men. I'm 30 and had 8 out of 9 criteria since at least my mid twenties.

Oof. That sounds rough

 

[DeathWish3301]

Oof. That sounds rough

Yeah, it sucks. Sorry you have to deal with it, also.

 

[northevelyn]

Yeah, it sucks. Sorry you have to deal with it, also.

I'm at 9/9

 

[s00ngone]

I'm fairly certain I don't fit the criteria (which I know pretty intimately), but the only friend I had in high school did. I was their favorite person. It was a beautiful, turbulent, devastating relationship that ended in disaster. I interrupted their suicide attempt after school my junior year. I wonder what they'd think now, knowing I'm here.

I certainly fit the criteria for CPTSD, though. One of my earliest self-diagnoses. Got that pretty reliably confirmed by my therapist of several years before we stopped meeting.

 

[DeathWish3301]

I'm at 9/9

Mine is co-morbid with bipolar I, as well. I feel the struggle.

One mental health professional told me she didn't want to give me the diagnosis due to the stigma associated with it.

The doctor who did diagnose me said personality disorders are subjective, which is what could have led to the delay.

 

[Pale_Rider]

I was diagnosed with that at one time. Later became DID. PTSD came years after that.

 

[DeathWish3301]

I was diagnosed with that at one time. Later became DID. PTSD came years after that.

I'm curious, as I've known a few people with DID. How did they confuse that with BPD?

 

[northevelyn]

I was diagnosed with that at one time. Later became DID. PTSD came years after that.

Would it be okay if I DMed you? I'm really interested in DID and want to hear more about those with that experience.

 

[Pale_Rider]

Would it be okay if I DMed you? I'm really interested in DID and want to hear more about those with that experience.

Sure. Cant say how quick I will respond though.

I'm curious, as I've known a few people with DID. How did they confuse that with BPD?

I couldn't answer that. Maybe, because my emotions were all over the place, and the switching can look like BPD? I understand a little, but not how they make their decisions, but also remember many don't even believe in Did. They look for the Amnesia. without that they can become lost.

 

[IndictEvolution]

Yep, my favorite person killed herself 2 weeks ago and I'm planning to go soon. We had an insane amount of principles in common, even though I'm more of a thinking type and she was more of a feeling type. I feel completely isolated now even if I'm around other people, as 99.9% of people's ethics are abhorrent to me. She was the first person I ever felt like I could relate to strongly, didn't even know it was a thing. Now that I've lost that, I know I'm done here.

 

[northevelyn]

Yep, my favorite person killed herself 2 weeks ago and I'm planning to go soon. We had an insane amount of principles in common, even though I'm more of a thinking type and she was more of a feeling type. I feel completely isolated now even if I'm around other people, as 99.9% of people's ethics are abhorrent to me. She was the first person I ever felt like I could relate to strongly, didn't even know it was a thing. Now that I've lost that, I know I'm done here.

I'm sorry to hear that. I can't imagine the pain you're going through. I hope you're able to find connection in this life. You deserve love.

 

[matchalavendercake]

i never got diagnosed with anything due to never going to a psychiatrist, but i did somehow got diagnosed with autism back in 2018 after i got taken to this place for a testing. however, for the past few years i've gotten so convinced i might have bpd cause i've been having many symptoms.. along with a few other personality disorders and also plenty of mental disorders

 

[floop]

i have bpd. i was told i had "borderline symptoms" when i was a teenager and i was officially diagnosed once i turned 18 (i'm 23 now), you have to be 18+ to be diagnosed with a personality disorder where i am from. it's literally so hard, i have more "quiet bpd" i don't struggle with anger/outbursts as much, it's more the chronic feelings of emptiness/no sense of self and disassociation for me that is the worst. i never really felt like i've "known" who i am and that is really hard for sure. i hate how big my emotions are and the constant all or nothing/black and white thinking when it comes to everything. what led me here is a dozen of attempts to ctb starting at 12, since then i've been clinically dead twice and/or in a mini coma/on life support 5 times now, i just am very tired and whenever i've been found, it's always been by chance/accident and that is a whole other level of frustration lol but yeah, i feel like i've stopped waiting for things to get better and now i'm just waiting for things to be over. i'm so sorry you struggle with this too OP, all of my well wishes are with you <3 (((hugs)))

 

[IndictEvolution]

I personally don't accept it as a "disorder", more just like my personality does not fit into society. I see BPD as just people who are hyperaware. So many people I've talked to with BPD say shit like they were just much more aware as kids etc. and it's what causes all the issues/trauma. We just don't mesh well with society. I think modern society has just made our personalities miserable. Really shortening my opinion here a lot for brevity, but yeah I really don't care for the clinical view of BPD.

 

[Griever]

Next to anorexia, borderline personality disorder is one of the worst mental illnesses I know

 

[BPDtgirl]

yup. i hate it so much, i feel like its going to be the reason.

 

[burneverybridge]

Yep…it's ruined my life multiple times over

 

[mariannelle]

i have it. . i dont like it very much. i think it makes me confusing and hard to understand. i hope other people who have it maybe act similar to me. i wanna find people who act similar to me.
bpd will never kill me. it may assist in my death, but it will never be the reason i die.
glory glory

 

[Blank_]

what does the "emptiness" feel like to you all? I'm not diagnosed, but I'm wondering if what I'm feeling is the same thing

 

[northevelyn]

what does the "emptiness" feel like to you all? I'm not diagnosed, but I'm wondering if what I'm feeling is the same thing

I've described it as this hollow feeling of worthlessness. Like everything in my life is pointless and has no meaning. As if everything is fake and the smiles and laughter are just a facade. It's a lonely feeling. Like you aren't real. Like you don't have any real identity. It's hard to explain but it's a constant longing.

 

[Aplev]

It's complicated for me (everything is complicated in my life, not because I make it complicated, but because it really is). I got many different diagnosis throughout my life, and yes, also found the kind of therapist that does not want to give you a diagnosis. Years later, I can understand why. I sort of agree that at the end of the day, they're just labels, but this is controversial and everyone has different views on it, I guess I'll just leave it at that.

That said, I always related to texts, articles, posts, comments etc. about BPD, and most often than not they're the only place where I find solace in a world that 100% does not understand me.
(same goes for DID actually, recently found out about traumacore and exotrauma, they resonate with me a lot, though I also realize they're highly sensitive topics, hopefully my comment doesn't get banned or reported because I used these words without censorship).

 

[BPDtgirl]

I've described it as this hollow feeling of worthlessness. Like everything in my life is pointless and has no meaning. As if everything is fake and the smiles and laughter are just a facade. It's a lonely feeling. Like you aren't real. Like you don't have any real identity. It's hard to explain but it's a constant longing.

it's chronic, comes out of nowhere and can last for a minute or a week.

really nice to see someone else writing this

 

[Almost Dead]

Diagnosed several years ago but have had the symptoms for as long as I can remember (I do have ASD as well though among other things, and a lot of symptoms of BPD & autism overlap). BPD feels particularly evil when it comes to mental illness & neurodiversity though; it affects every single aspect of your life and own mind & identity violently, and there is no respite from it because it's "who you are" and has no "cure," only regulation and management methods. I'm fairly certain it will be the thing to kill me in the end. The statistics of how many of those diagnosed with BPD tend to CTB surprise me exactly 0% lol. It's legitimately excruciating to live with and I feel for everyone who suffers from it.

 

[Blueberry Panic]

Yeah, I have barely anyone ... all i do is burn bridges and test people and it always just slaps me back in the face.

 

[RoseGirl]

This thread is super real.
I don't feel particularly hollow or empty but i deeply desire to be filled with love. I feel so lonely so often and being loved is so comforting, it's basically the only thing in my life which makes me feel okay anymore. I'm so scared of being alone, and everything hurts so much more then it should.

I'm scared of my partner leaving me and am overly possessive sometimes getting upset at her for texting others. Although i do my best to not get upset at it.
While at the same time extracting attention from literally anyone i possibly can. With very little success of stopping myself. It makes me feel so disgusting betraying my girlfriend like this but so far i haven't developed any coping mechanism to stop myself from cheating.

Outside of that my mood is so volitial that i find mindfulness to be for the most part ineffective. If I'm anxious i can usually get myself out of feeling that way for a little but i can very quickly fall back into it. Also when I'm suicidal i can jump between actively wanting to hurt myself and feeling fine so quickly it's uncanny. Like I'll be slitting my wrists one minute but on the ride to hospital I'll be making joke or whatever. t~t

Also like thw fact that it's all your fault too and everyone else will hate you for it, including yourself and it feels like there is nothing you can do about it. I hate it so so so much i just wish i could get get my brain directly changed so i could be normal and not horrible :c