Venting Anyone Else Feel Like This World is Fake/an Illusion, Gotta CTB To Escape?

[OutOfThisBody]

So recently I've been feeling like the world is fake, some kind of elaborate dream I've made up for myself, or someone else made up for me. This feeling started getting stronger after I watched the movie I Saw The Tv Glow. The movie involved someone who at one point is urged by their friend to kill themselves to escape their fake reality, which is really a prison in their mind, in order to wake up in the real world as their real self. Watching this almost felt like a message to me, like my real reality reaching out to me stuck in an illusion to tell me that suicide is the answer and will let me escape this fake world and wake up in a real one.

Along with this, the world is set up in such a weird way that it seems it must be fake or a test of some kind. People spend all their time on things that are so little and simple that they're like child'splay. People's life's work is forgotten a year or two after they die. People also put alot of importance on their identity - gender, race, age, sexuality, class, ability, etc. - when it's really all temporary. You aren't white or poc, male or female or nonbinary, cishet or LGBTQ when you die. You're nothing. Those things are really just toys that fascinate the living, but have no importance once you are dead. Being dead is beyond that, it's more profound, it's beyond little human categories.

Along with this, every day I am reminded of the cruelty of the world and why I want to leave. For example, for one of my classes we are writing and illustrating childrens stories, and my idea was to write a story about a tween girl who is orphaned and joins a group of pirates. My teacher said it could be a good idea but to make sure the girl wouldn't be old enough to be sexualized because a girl that age surrounded by adult men would be dangerous and uncomfortable. It hit me in that moment that I don't want to live in this world, a world so evil and disgusting as this. How could a world set up this way be liveable? Where even childish fun is ruined? Where women are always in danger? Idk it might be a stupid reason to get upset but it just affirmed my drive to ctb.

If you've read my most popular post you would know I really hope we don't keep our physical bodies or identities once we die if there is an afterlife. This world full of inherent inequality, where women's bodies are worse than men's, where people have diseases, disabilties, and injuries, I pray will not be replicated in the afterlife. Lack of an afterlife might even be better than an afterlife, if an afterlife is full of the same inequality.

This turned into a bit of a ramble but has anyone had a similar experience or similar thought?

Thanks for reading.

 

[Nothing Left]

I've come to the same conclusion, but I'm just trying to figure out if suicide will be helpful or harmful to my escape.

Even a lot of prison planet believers think suicide will screw us over in some way, but on the other hand, if the goal is to be lucid upon exit, it makes sense to have as much control over one's death as possible instead of succumbing to a random, sudden death where we will be disoriented.

 

[Mirrory Me]

It's your dream, yet the world isin't entirely living according to it- not everyone is the same, we have different motives and beliefs.

 

[uniqueusername4]

I wonder this too, it would also make sense to apply this to reincarnation and this not feeling "real" because it isn't our default state. Is this somewhere we voluntarily went and can ctb to get away from? Is it a prison and will my sentence start over or be worsened if I attempt ctb? not knowing is really tough
Oh or there is another option- our brains have started to derealize/disassociate with reality to cope with it and we're trying to believe this because it feels better than this world being real or permanent/the only world.

 

[CantDoIt]

This definitely feels like a world constructed specifically to make me miserable. Not as miserable as some perhaps, but I was one of the ones chosen for punishment.

 

[dela]

So recently I've been feeling like the world is fake, some kind of elaborate dream I've made up for myself, or someone else made up for me. This feeling started getting stronger after I watched the movie I Saw The Tv Glow. The movie involved someone who at one point is urged by their friend to kill themselves to escape their fake reality, which is really a prison in their mind, in order to wake up in the real world as their real self. Watching this almost felt like a message to me, like my real reality reaching out to me stuck in an illusion to tell me that suicide is the answer and will let me escape this fake world and wake up in a real one.

Every now and then I wonder the same thing. This world is just too absurd, too surreal. Have you ever had one of those dreams where something really bad happens and then you wake up and feel extremely relieved? Sometime I like to entertain the idea that the last few years where just some kind of bad dream. Waking up in a better world after dying is a really comforting thought.

Honestly, even if that's not the case (it's probably not lol) and there's just nothing after death, it still sounds really peaceful. If death is the end of everything, then after dying I won't exist to feel any regret or pain. So I guess you should think whatever makes you the most comfortable, because after you go even if it's not real you won't be there to know. What even is real after you die? Everything we think we know we learned from experience. From interacting with and reasoning about the world. But if you're six feet under and unable to think, see, hear, smell or touch, is anything even real anymore? Even if the world keeps going (it probably will), I wouldn't know, so from my perspective it's effectively the same thing as if the whole universe ceased to exist the moment I died.

There's also the third option where there's something else entirely afterlife, and we're all going to hell or something. But honestly that's just as likely as anything else, so I prefer to think about a more pleasant option.

 

[divinemistress36]

I deal with depersonalization a lot. This world for sure feels fake

 

[nir]

You may benefit from reading up on derealisation, depersonalisation, and disassociation (don't read anything that may be triggering, just stick to vague symptom lists/support forums). I really wanted to watch "I Saw the TV Glow", but I disassociate easily, and when I looked up the movie it said it could trigger that for people, so I had to skip it. Knowing my triggers and looking trigger warnings up actually helps me avoid symptoms decently, at least in terms of media consumption. I also am aware of my other triggers - not having eaten, not getting enough sleep, forgetting to take my meds, too much caffeine/sugar, etc. It's taken a lot of time, but I have an okay grasp on what sometimes triggers episodes of not feeling real for me.

 

[OutOfThisBody]

You may benefit from reading up on derealisation, depersonalisation, and disassociation

Does that involve feeling like the world is a simulation?

 

[HeartThatFeeds]

I've had several times where this has happened to me and I always usually come out of that stae of mind, I suggest trying to convince yourself your beliefs aren't real in anyway

 

[nir]

Does that involve feeling like the world is a simulation?

Sometimes it can. I have quite a few friends who, like me, have various mental illnesses, and I have heard a few of them before say that they feel like the world is fake/a simulation. While we I guess can't prove that the world *isn't* a simulation, we equally can't prove that it *is* a simulation, and with these kinds of scenarios where there can never really be a scientific consensus, I think they're best left for academic discussion/debates and not so much the worry for daily life. You can waste your entire life away worrying about things with no answers, and by the end of your life you'll be no closer to the "truth". Best to find joy regardless of everything being a "simulation" or not. Easier said than done or course, but worthwhile to look into getting help for this if it's bringing you down so much. The philosophy and wonder behind reality and consciousness is a fun train of thought for some, and devastation for others. Remember that if you stare into the void too long, it will stare back. That's what I try to tell myself anyways, when my hyper-fixations on negative things become too strong.

 

[WhyWasIBorn]

In my opinion; for most all people existence is only meaningful when they are fulfilling the societal expectations others can see, or comfort in religious beliefs of greater purpose and a better afterlife. Most people on here are different in that sense, that we've already broken through the faux veil that covers our eyes each day when we're told this is a gift and leaving it is selfish. Very rarely are people living in the present, grounded, and not stuck in wage-slave mode or trying to impress others. Though I believe this is only a result of our advanced emotional ape brains fighting against the animalistic instincts we have, to convince ourselves that there is a greater purpose to all the suffering most every human has to endure in this life. I believe this is why people still choose to bring children into this world, and the Antinatalist part of me doesn't blame them completely for it because it's Brain vs Brain.

After being religious for a long period of my life and seeing the true unnecessarily unfair suffering on this earth, it's shown me there isn't really anything more to it expect than what we make of it, and the environment we are surrounded by. Having religious breakthroughs during full Bipolar psychosis sober, like breaking into people's homes and telling them I'm literally Jesus Christ, then being tackled to the ground by police to be taken back to the same hospital I've been at many times before is just another way I know it's mind over matter in this existence... Just unnecessary trauma and embarrassment that I will never forget. In my eyes at this current moment, there is no proof of any higher power or greater force other than the greedy, selfish, barbaric, and emotionally driven species that most of us are.

I was convinced that this could actually be like the Truman Show, where there might be another species currently viewing all of us in a sort of reality-tv dystopian 24/7 broadcast... but then I think about the politicians and rich elites currently in power making our lives terrible in the same ways all while laughing to the bank, and realize we are inherently living it already.

 

[Amarajoy]

"My teacher said it could be a good idea but to make sure the girl wouldn't be old enough to be sexualized because a girl that age surrounded by adult men would be dangerous and uncomfortable."

Because men don't sexualize children in this messed up world.

 

[MxTuesday]

I have thought this for a long time. I'm stuck in a version of the thing called reality that goes around in cycles of calm then fuck ups and I really think that ctb may be the way to reset it.

 

[Amarajoy]

I have thought this for a long time. I'm stuck in a version of the thing called reality that goes around in cycles of calm then fuck ups and I really think that ctb may be the way to reset it.

In ndes they state the harder the life the more soul growth that occurs. It makes sense to me. Like that TV show alone or something. We sign up to come here just to see what we can handle sometimes.

I read one gentleman dealing with depression finally lost his suicidal ideation when he realized he was going to be dead, either way, might as well stick around and see what happens. After all, it is only a short while here.

Tangentially, we invented video games to play characters so it's kind of the same thing. What if this is all just a game and we chose to play on hard mode. But, either way, maybe it's meant to be entertaining. Maybe at the end of the line we will look back in awe of what we accomplished, even if it's just sticking around.

 

[shadow_nova]

So recently I've been feeling like the world is fake, some kind of elaborate dream I've made up for myself, or someone else made up for me. This feeling started getting stronger after I watched the movie I Saw The Tv Glow. The movie involved someone who at one point is urged by their friend to kill themselves to escape their fake reality, which is really a prison in their mind, in order to wake up in the real world as their real self. Watching this almost felt like a message to me, like my real reality reaching out to me stuck in an illusion to tell me that suicide is the answer and will let me escape this fake world and wake up in a real one.

Along with this, the world is set up in such a weird way that it seems it must be fake or a test of some kind. People spend all their time on things that are so little and simple that they're like child'splay. People's life's work is forgotten a year or two after they die. People also put alot of importance on their identity - gender, race, age, sexuality, class, ability, etc. - when it's really all temporary. You aren't white or poc, male or female or nonbinary, cishet or LGBTQ when you die. You're nothing. Those things are really just toys that fascinate the living, but have no importance once you are dead. Being dead is beyond that, it's more profound, it's beyond little human categories.

Along with this, every day I am reminded of the cruelty of the world and why I want to leave. For example, for one of my classes we are writing and illustrating childrens stories, and my idea was to write a story about a tween girl who is orphaned and joins a group of pirates. My teacher said it could be a good idea but to make sure the girl wouldn't be old enough to be sexualized because a girl that age surrounded by adult men would be dangerous and uncomfortable. It hit me in that moment that I don't want to live in this world, a world so evil and disgusting as this. How could a world set up this way be liveable? Where even childish fun is ruined? Where women are always in danger? Idk it might be a stupid reason to get upset but it just affirmed my drive to ctb.

If you've read my most popular post you would know I really hope we don't keep our physical bodies or identities once we die if there is an afterlife. This world full of inherent inequality, where women's bodies are worse than men's, where people have diseases, disabilties, and injuries, I pray will not be replicated in the afterlife. Lack of an afterlife might even be better than an afterlife, if an afterlife is full of the same inequality.

This turned into a bit of a ramble but has anyone had a similar experience or similar thought?

Thanks for reading.

I feel the same everything seems so unreal like a fever dream . Sometimes life just feels like a game I can quit anytime through CTB

 

[maidens]

yeah this is exactly how I feel,,

 

[willctbsoon]

Girl, interrupted (1999). It.s actually about a suicide attempt

 

[depthss]

yes, 100%. i honestly felt a little excited to see this post, because ive thought life isnt real thing for awhile, though my process differs quite a bit. ive believed that anything with a self (ego, rational pneuma, whatever you want to call it ) isnt exactly 'real" and that death or the absence of an ego is really what makes something real. id say a rock is more real than i am currently.
perhaps a more far out belief than youve described, which is why i never really mention it, it gets odd looks lol

 

[John8]

And then you see a random youtube video called ''break out of this existence'' or some shit

 

[8more2go]

Yes but in a less solipsistic sense. I have come to believe the world we inhabit to be a simulation. One of astronomical scale, an incredibly complex experiment constructed by an incomprehensibly advanced people. Created for scientific purposes we are but ai wandering aimlessly in some supercomputer in a laboratory. I call it the deus simulation.

Honestly I hate thinking about it. I know it makes me sound like someone trying too hard to sound crazy. It makes me feel juvenile and lame. Only annoying people who like the Matrix too much pay any thought to the simulation theory.

And yet I can't shake it. Like my mind putting puzzle pieces together to some puzzle I don't want solved. A little deja vu here, a strange coincidence there, a phrase said by someone or read in a text that catches my brains attention for no reason in particular. It comes to mind when I doze off to sleep, or when my mind wanders too far from me, or when on drugs, or suffocating. Like I alone am revealed pieces of its code. Our laws of physics too perfect, evolution too effective. And I almost always hate what I 'find'. Awful thoughts form in my head, as it tells me are undeniable scientific truths, mathematically deduced over the course of eons. It distresses me to no end. I know it's just delusion but I can't help it. Some days I don't even feel like I'm using a body to move, like I can feel digital inputs control me, like I can see pixels over my vision.

What distresses me the most is sometimes I think about why the simulation was even made, and I get distressingly uncomfortable. If a society so advanced was advanced enough to make a simulation this powerful, what secret was so important to require our creation? Why an entire universe? What answer are they looking for? Why do I get the uncanny feeling in my gut that they don't like the answer they're getting. Like a fatal flaw in existence itself, that dooms not just us but them too.

It's all very melodramatic and usually an hour after entertaining the thoughts I feel embarrassed.