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Anyone else feel angry that they’re having to stay alive for their parents?
Thread starterVolatile
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They adopted me from an abusive environment and have done so much to give me a good life. But I'm too broken. I cant ctb until their dead and I resent them for it so much unfortunately. I can't let them think they failed. Every day is torture in this hell but it's not cause of them.
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Raggas, StillWaiting, RaphtaliaTwoAnimals and 8 others
They adopted me from an abusive environment and have done so much to give me a good life. But I'm too broken. I cant ctb until their dead and I resent them for it so much unfortunately. I can't let them think they failed. Every day is torture in this hell but it's not cause of them.
Wow! How old were u when u got adopted? I understand how you feel, but damn I'd be greatful you got rescued from a terrible place. At the same time I understand you are suffering and it's valid to feel this way.
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StillWaiting, RaphtaliaTwoAnimals and Mrs.O'Leary'sCow
Wow! How old were u when u got adopted? I understand how you feel, but damn I'd be greatful you got rescued from a terrible place. At the same time I understand you are suffering and it's valid to feel this way.
Yea by that time the damage is done, if u were abused or severely neglected. I don't want it to sound like it's hopeless. I'm just aware since I had a lot of bad happen in those years of my childhood as well.
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RaphtaliaTwoAnimals, Mrs.O'Leary'sCow, Pointlessabyss and 1 other person
100% how I feel. Although since I've opened up about it with the home therapists etc. Parents disappeared upstairs every time a therapist came over... in 6 weeks they didn't even ask me how I felt or why I wanted to CTB. Had a few run ins with them over it they said they'd change but nothing has. They are happy in there little bubble... they think I've had help and now I'm fine. Unfortunately that bubble will pop one day soon as I'm slowly starting to disconnect myself further from them.
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MiserableBastard1995, RaphtaliaTwoAnimals, Iman and 1 other person
I've had some resentment too, but over the years I've been working on being at peace with gradual distancing and accepting that I will one day die soon. If some major catalyst pushes me over the edge, then it will be what I need to finally ctb.
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lululoo, RaphtaliaTwoAnimals, Iman and 1 other person
Guess I'm "lucky" that mine died already as in I don't have anything keeping me from ctb. But that wouldn't even be a big thing if they were alive as I wasn't raised that well, always been treated as a disposable asset for them and a target for abuse just because of coming into their lives the same way you came to your parents.
On one hand you shouldn't sacrifice yourself any longer if you're not happy with your existence but on the other, if they gave you a good life and cared for you I'm certain they would be very heartbroken.
In the end, if they're not depending on you to live then the only thing chaining you to this life is yourself.
I'm waiting for my Dad. It's just becoming so tough though. I'm thinking about it so much- as I expect we all are.
Worse thing is- I know I'm going to be utterly devastated when he goes but I still don't know whether it will be enough to make me do it. I'm so afraid.
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