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Volatile

Volatile

God
Jun 18, 2018
1,285
They adopted me from an abusive environment and have done so much to give me a good life. But I'm too broken. I cant ctb until their dead and I resent them for it so much unfortunately. I can't let them think they failed. Every day is torture in this hell but it's not cause of them.
 
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F

Final Escape

I’ve been here too long
Jul 8, 2018
4,348
They adopted me from an abusive environment and have done so much to give me a good life. But I'm too broken. I cant ctb until their dead and I resent them for it so much unfortunately. I can't let them think they failed. Every day is torture in this hell but it's not cause of them.
Wow! How old were u when u got adopted? I understand how you feel, but damn I'd be greatful you got rescued from a terrible place. At the same time I understand you are suffering and it's valid to feel this way.
 
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johnny

johnny

Experienced
Dec 5, 2018
255
I know how you feel....that's my only reason I haven't ctb'd yet

they are good parents and did the best they could, but ultimately this life just isn't for me
 
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Volatile

Volatile

God
Jun 18, 2018
1,285
Wow! How old were u when u got adopted? I understand how you feel, but damn I'd be greatful you got rescued from a terrible place. At the same time I understand you are suffering and it's valid to feel this way.
10
My mind was never rescued. My mind is my life.
 
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Final Escape

I’ve been here too long
Jul 8, 2018
4,348
10
My mind was never rescued. My mind is my life.
Yea by that time the damage is done, if u were abused or severely neglected. I don't want it to sound like it's hopeless. I'm just aware since I had a lot of bad happen in those years of my childhood as well.
 
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Pointlessabyss

Pointlessabyss

Impulse will takeover one day...
Sep 17, 2018
294
I know how you feel....that's my only reason I haven't ctb'd yet

they are good parents and did the best they could, but ultimately this life just isn't for me
100% how I feel. Although since I've opened up about it with the home therapists etc. Parents disappeared upstairs every time a therapist came over... in 6 weeks they didn't even ask me how I felt or why I wanted to CTB. Had a few run ins with them over it they said they'd change but nothing has. They are happy in there little bubble... they think I've had help and now I'm fine. Unfortunately that bubble will pop one day soon as I'm slowly starting to disconnect myself further from them.
 
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TAW122

TAW122

Emissary of the right to die.
Aug 30, 2018
7,532
I've had some resentment too, but over the years I've been working on being at peace with gradual distancing and accepting that I will one day die soon. If some major catalyst pushes me over the edge, then it will be what I need to finally ctb.
 
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sunsetting

sunsetting

Student
Jun 9, 2021
100
Guess I'm "lucky" that mine died already as in I don't have anything keeping me from ctb. But that wouldn't even be a big thing if they were alive as I wasn't raised that well, always been treated as a disposable asset for them and a target for abuse just because of coming into their lives the same way you came to your parents.

On one hand you shouldn't sacrifice yourself any longer if you're not happy with your existence but on the other, if they gave you a good life and cared for you I'm certain they would be very heartbroken.

In the end, if they're not depending on you to live then the only thing chaining you to this life is yourself.
 
F

Forever Sleep

Earned it we have...
May 4, 2022
15,517
I'm waiting for my Dad. It's just becoming so tough though. I'm thinking about it so much- as I expect we all are.

Worse thing is- I know I'm going to be utterly devastated when he goes but I still don't know whether it will be enough to make me do it. I'm so afraid.
 

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