Venting anyone else also losing it

[umiii99]

as in... feeling overcome with manic agression, extreme resentment, and dark, violent thoughts? i currently am filled with unending anger and energy. i suspect i'm bipolar so it might play into it...

i can't work because i'm an immigrant and my papers are in "review" and hiring people without a working permit is illegal, so the only way i can make money is whoring myself out and i cannot do that shit anymore. my mental illness is not gonna disappear. my autism cannot puff out and be gone. i am basically the housewife for my family, i clean and cook because i don't work but i'm also pressured to have a job even though no one will hire me HHAHAHHAH

anyway, fuck it all. i'll use this anger as motivation to jump from a 16th storey. somehow anger drowns out my survival instinct. i've had close calls where my anger got me so heated i almost ended it all if not were for getting interrupted by others. it's my trump card.

as pathetic as it sounds i want to at least wait until AOT finishes airing this last season because i want to watch it. that's the only thing that's keeping me hanging on... that's it.

 

[markimobzzdeasui]

Most of the days I feel like this but for different reasons. This world can be excruciatingly cruel to say the least. I
am so sorry that you are suffering that much. I hope you find some peace from through whatever you decide to do.
Also I don't think it is any wrong or pathetic to wait here for anything that can provide a person with
some sense of freedom from their sufferings even for a short time.

 

[CommitSudoku]

Speaking of AOT who is your profile picture of? Quite honestly it brings me comfort to know anime has kept someone else going as well. The same goes for me, even with previous seasons of AOT specifically. Now AOT and 86 (which was delayed) are really the only things I'm greatly looking forward to. I agree with the above post that it isn't pathetic.
To be honest I very rarely ever experience anger so I can't relate to that. I've been told before it's good for getting things done though. I only really experience sadness now or else I'm numb and emotionless. As someone who thus can't really understand anger, I find it exhausting. So I wish you the best in dealing with it and hope you can perhaps use it to your advantage.

 

[umiii99]

Speaking of AOT who is your profile picture of? Quite honestly it brings me comfort to know anime has kept someone else going as well. The same goes for me, even with previous seasons of AOT specifically. Now AOT and 86 (which was delayed) are really the only things I'm greatly looking forward to. I agree with the above post that it isn't pathetic.
To be honest I very rarely ever experience anger so I can't relate to that. I've been told before it's good for getting things done though. I only really experience sadness now or else I'm numb and emotionless. As someone who thus can't really understand anger, I find it exhausting. So I wish you the best in dealing with it and hope you can perhaps use it to your advantage.

My pfp is kind of a spoiler honestly, it hasn't gotten animated yet! But it is from AOT.

Ironically I am really sad right now myself. My mood swings are daunting. I wish I was still angry, though. It's difficult to do anything when you're sad, especially something that requires so much energy as to ctb'ing...

I used to not get angry at all when I was younger and stuck in an abusive household. Now I realize I dissociated throughout those years and felt almost close to nothing to cope with the abuse. So now that I'm out of there my emotions come out all weird.

 

[CommitSudoku]

My pfp is kind of a spoiler honestly, it hasn't gotten animated yet! But it is from AOT.

Ironically I am really sad right now myself. My mood swings are daunting. I wish I was still angry, though. It's difficult to do anything when you're sad, especially something that requires so much energy as to ctb'ing...

I used to not get angry at all when I was younger and stuck in an abusive household. Now I realize I dissociated throughout those years and felt almost close to nothing to cope with the abuse. So now that I'm out of there my emotions come out all weird.

Ah the beauty of mood swings. Such a pleasant thing, life is. But hey you didn't give me a spoiler and I appreciate you for that, and of course for being in this community in general.
It really is difficult to do anything while sad or empty, it seems at some points everything is working against us. I'll keep wishing for the best for you, I'm sorry I can't offer support or anything really beyond that. At least the one thing with mood swings is it could change back to a state where you're able to do more again.