Venting Am I trivial for this?

[princessdepression]

One of a big key factors of my 18 years of age has been the weighing pain of a love that I had destroyed. I really tore apart this person I was with unintentionally and naively telling him all my burdens and having crying episodes whilst suicidal. It's been 2 years since we've dated, and over 5 months since we've seen each other. The last time we saw each other it was lovely, he would hang out with me late at night and we'd drive around. Honestly this was really important to me because I have no friends, so to be able to maturely reconnect was wonderful. But I ended up going into the hospital for a suicide attempt, and although he knew he never texted me back when I was allowed to have my phone sometimes. Then when I got out he had blocked me on everything, I then saw his new girlfriend and she looks just like me. It's like he found a person that's like me without all of the mental agony. This crushes me and I compulsively think about it a lot with my constant suicide planning. I don't know why my life has always been like this and all I can think is I'm just too pitiful to ever be loved, it doesn't matter if I'm decently attractive I'm rotten inside and I deserve to rot away and decompose. I am so tired of this earth, and I don't even know if my view on this situation is trivial and dumb like every other problem I seem to have. So my question being, am I just idiotic for having this push me forward in my suicide? I don't know. I've had this happen to me with friends, family, romantic relationships.

 

[FuneralCry]

No you are not idiotic, after all we all have the right to exit at a time of our own choosing and no one needs to justify their reasons for leaving. We all have different limits as to what we can cope with in life as well, things that may be a big deal to one person are insignificant to another. I can imagine that it must be painful what you are going through and I know that it can be devastating for many going through situations like yours. People can be unreliable and disappointing and it is sad how other people can cause us to suffer so much. None of us deserve the pain that we experience in this life. Life is so horrifying.