Venting Am I the only one who lost their memories after recovery?

[NeoN0va]

Time passes, and my memories are starting to fade.

I used to be suicidal and depressed for a period of around 1.5 years, and I still have some mental health issues nowadays, even after recovering a bit from that mess I was in, but for some reason, my memories have faded.

During the day, I have this sudden feeling that something is missing, but I have no idea what, only a few days ago i realised its my memories. Not so often my memories come back to me for a short period of time, they feel like memories of a completly different person, yet they're actually mine and it's insane. It's horrifying for me to think that im literally starting to lose more and more of my memories from the time before i recovered.

Did this happen to any of you too? how do you deal with memory loss, is there any way to stop it or slow it down? help would be much appreciated.

 

[bankai]

did you attempt to ctb? there could have been some damage, spit balling here but that could be a reason for some memory loss.

 

[divinemistress87]

Depression effects the memory areas of the brain like the hippocampus and the frontal lobe. Ive lost a lot of memorys. One of my reasons for wanting to ctb is memory issues

 

[Knoc]

I relate to this a lot, i'd cry if i wasn't so dead inside.

After years of mental ilness, my brain has turned in to jelly. I have just enough brain cells left to not shit myself and breath.

I don't even regonize myself anymore, and it makes me so depressed and suicidal.

 

[NeoN0va]

did you attempt to ctb? there could have been some damage, spit balling here but that could be a reason for some memory loss.

Ive had the plans to, but in the end i chickened out, I didnt drink the SN solution.

Depression effects the memory areas of the brain like the hippocampus and the frontal lobe. Ive lost a lot of memorys. One of my reasons for wanting to ctb is memory issues

If that's true then i'm just pretty much done for...

I relate to this a lot, i'd cry if i wasn't so dead inside.

After years of mental ilness, my brain has turned in to jelly. I have just enough brain cells left to not shit myself and breath.

I don't even regonize myself anymore, and it makes me so depressed and suicidal.

Same for me here, I literally feel as if I'm getting more and more stupid, as if my brain is just not functioning properly anymore. I can't concentrate, have insanely short memory, and overall just perform way worse than I used to a few years ago, its insane.

 

[bankai]

Ive had the plans to, but in the end i chickened out, I didnt drink the SN solution.

If that's true then i'm just pretty much done for...

Same for me here, I literally feel as if I'm getting more and more stupid, as if my brain is just not functioning properly anymore. I can't concentrate, have insanely short memory, and overall just perform way worse than I used to a few years ago, its insane.

Interesting, I was thinking more among the lines of partial hanging. The pressure that puts on your head and the blood restriction is definitely grounds for brain damage

 

[NeoN0va]

Interesting, I was thinking more among the lines of partial hanging. The pressure that puts on your head and the blood restriction is definitely grounds for brain damage

That's one of the reasons I didn't try hanging; It seems scary, painful, and if you fail something then you're pretty much in a shitty situation.

 

[rs929]

For some reason, when I feel OK I can't remember exactly how it feels to be depressed. Then the other way around, when I feel depressed I can't recall how it feels to be OK.
I think there are two major suspects, the depression itself and the medication. It's hard to tell which one is messing with your brain.
I would pick with a grain of salt the notion that these changes are not reversible though.
If you feel it's really bad maybe you could do a neurological check up

 

[vitbar]

Exactly the same for me as @rs929 except I had this before trying medication. I struggle to access that headspace when I'm not actively depressed. When I have an episode it hits with this horrible familiarity.

It stopped me seeking treatment for most of my life. An episode would fade and I'd not think about it until another arrived. During the episodes I couldn't bring myself to seek help. It made therapy difficult at times too.

 

[_Gollum_]

I would answer, but I can't remember when my memory got bad :P

In all seriousness, I genuinely don't know if I was just always like this, or if at some point I lost a huge chunk of memories. If it was the latter, though, then I think it started with the event that would eventually lead to my first depressive episode.

 

[Britney Spears]

As my illness progresses and worsens every day, my past and my identity fade away more and more. My past self has died, along with the person I was. Now I am just a ghost of myself, filled with unbearable daily pain and suffering, longing for the end of my life. There are illnesses that completely destroy our lives.

 

[SecretDissociation]

I'm in the process of recovery (kind of... not really... it's a toxic relationship!) and while I think that I didn't/haven't exactly lost memories, my memory is really bad and my brain ignores the past unless I remember it randomly, and out of my own likeliness.

I'm pretty sure this is my brain protecting me, because those experiences were not good and remembering them makes me want to ctb almost immediately, or just curl up and die.

 

[RW__Asher23]

You can have a PET or CT scan and see if there is any damage to the brain then discuss with your Dr the results and go from there. The possibilities are various. With all the ctb's I had in my past my memory has been difficult at times but it has cleared up over the years since my last attempt. I had one of these PET scans and it showed no damage from those attempts that would cause memory loss. That did not mean no damage but none that caused memory loss. Dr says I am lucky. Well that depends on how you look at it since I have no desire to end my life atm but I also have Cancer now and it is not fixable. If and or when the pain and suffering get too much for me I have a ctb plan in place for that. I think best is possibly to explore the CT or PET scan and then go from there. Also just go talk to Dr and see what they say. Maybe no scan is needed. I am no Dr only can say what it seems to be a logical step in recovery if that is still your goal. I wish you the very best journey in life to the end and it is the safest and best way for you. Peace.