Am I just obsessed or actually suicidal?

[UKNW]

Hi i'm new to this forum but been viewing it for a while.

A few weeks ago, someone i knew took their life via hanging. It affected me really badly.

Before this event, i was depressed and suffering with anxeity anyway but never had any suicidal thoughts.

But since this event, i dont know what has happened to me. I check this site numerous times a day, i can't stop looking into suicide and hanging and in depth details. I have become obsessed with suicide. I dont necissarily feel suicidal as such but at the same time i cannot stop searching in depth detail and watching suicide videos. And my partner says he has noticed i have been very snappy recently and i got drunk the other week (VERY drunk) and apparently made some comments about taking my own life.

How do you know whether you're suicidal or just suicide obsessed?

 

[Dear Agony]

Even if you're not actually suicidal, that is a very bad sign and could possibly lead to a tragedy. If you haven't yet, I'd try reaching out to someone. Personally, I've tried everything to help with my mental illnesses and traumas but the psychiatric field failed me, as I think it fails a lot of people. But not everyone.
Think to yourself, do you want to die? Are there still reasons worth living? Are those reasons worth giving help a shot?
Not everyone is a hopeless case. It sounds like you've been though something traumatic and feeling the side effects of it. For someone suffering from anxiety and depression, that can be even worse. Coming from a person who is also obsessed with suicide and suicidal at the same time, please don't do anything impulsive you might regret, and give yourself time to think about this issue.

 

[Mr2005]

There are people that are just obsessed with suicide and I find it disturbing. The good news for you is if that's the case you'll never kill yourself. You've found a really shit thing to live for

 

[FuneralCry]

I think you are actually suicidal if you are thinking about ending your own life and you no longer want to be here. It sounds like you are going through a lot and I'm sorry you are suffering. I wish you well.