Help Alternatives to hurting people?

[1984]

I have strong urges to hurt people physically and mentally even though I know it's wrong. I've mostly tried online discourse since I basically get to yell at stupid people and most of them are bots anyways or doing the exact same thing I am. I don't want to cut myself when I feel like this because I feel like it makes me look weak.

 

[NZkiwi]

hmm aounds like youre going through it

does boxing /excercise help?
what have you tried?
on meds? therapy? work? hobbies?
keeping busy or just persists?

hope all is ok

 

[timf]

Cutting and perhaps yelling at people may both be a way to give yourself a feeling of being in control. Depending on what environment you are in,if you can find a way to give yourself actual control over something, it might be a way to reduce the feeling to do something harmful.

Sometimes people can find a way to feel in control by saying things that are complementary or even humorous. This might be a more productive alternative.

 

[webb&flow]

there is so much you can do for this :) ♥

here is some helpful info~ :ɔ

Chilling out rather than blowing off steam is a better way to manage anger − new review of 154 studies reveals what works

Activities such as deep breathing, muscle relaxation, yoga and meditation help people manage their anger, according to a meta-analysis of studies involving more than 10,000 participants.

theconversation.com

here is one tip that is mentioned in dialectical behavioral therapy; a therapy that focuses mainly on managing intense emotions:

go to sink; fill hands with water, put your face in this water for a bit of time (make sure no water gets in nose), and try to be there for some time. this activates a mammalian diving reflex. this can help you feel more relaxed ♥

for more such techniques (direct and preventive) for managing intense emotions, feel free to check out these free info worksheets from this website here:

DBT Worksheets | Therapist Aid

Download free DBT worksheets. Topics include emotional regulation, distress tolerance, mindfulness, interpersonal effectiveness, and more.

www.therapistaid.com

if you want emotion regulation look for "distress tolerance" :)

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if you ever get so angry that you want to hurt somebody, i encourage you to step away from that situation <3. let's say you have a disagreement with a family member in the kitchen, and you get so angry that you want to hurt them.

walk away from the situation. full stop. it's not worth standing there. go on a walk outside, around the block, if there is nowhere else in the house. lock yourself in your room with music in your headphones if you can. put space between yourself and whoever you want to hurt. this will make you feel better too, by distancing yourself from the source of the anger.

take a quick walk outside in the sunlight, if it's physically possible to do so; take in the nature and plants and scenery; this can really help relieve the emotions of anger felt in the previous situation <3<3 it really helps to change the scene; that helps to change the scene inside of us, too

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I have strong urges to hurt people physically and mentally even though I know it's wrong.

are these urges general or for specific people you feel angry at? ♥ what do you feel may be making you angry? i'm sorry to hear about this

mr. rogers has this truly profound video on this~ i think it can really help ^^ <3 (esp. with providing insight about what

"What do you do with the Mad that you Feel" (1997) - Mister Rogers' Neighborhood

www.misterrogers.org

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From Wikipedia: David Foster Wallace § Personal life

Wallace struggled with depression, alcoholism, drug addiction, and suicidal ideation, and was repeatedly hospitalized for psychiatric care.[52] In 2008, his father said that Wallace had suffered from major depressive disorder for more than 20 years, and that antidepressant medication had allowed him to be productive.[53] In 1989, Wallace spent four weeks at McLean Hospital, a psychiatric institute in Belmont, Massachusetts, affiliated with Harvard Medical School, where he completed a drug and alcohol detoxification program; he later said his time there changed his life.[52]

In the early 1990s, Wallace dated writer Mary Karr. In 2012, Karr described his earlier behavior toward her as obsessive and volatile, alleging that he once threw a coffee table at her and once physically forced her out of a car, leaving her to walk home.[54][55] In 2018, Karr said that the account of Wallace's alleged abuse in D.T. Max's biography of him was "about 2% of what happened"; she claimed that Wallace had kicked her, climbed up the side of her house at night, followed her five-year-old son home from school, and attempted to buy a gun to kill her ex-husband.[56][57][58] In 2015, Karr said that Wallace was violent toward other women he dated,[59] and in 2018, she said that several women, including former students of Wallace, contacted her to share their alleged physical and emotional abuse by Wallace.[57]

Below quotation from Infinite Jest by David Foster Wallace:

If, by the virtue of charity or the circumstance of desperation, you ever chance to spend a little time around a Substance-recovery halfway facility like Enfield MA's state-funded Ennet House, you will acquire many exotic new facts. […]

That it is possible to get so angry you really do see everything red. […]

That sometimes human beings have to just sit in one place and, like, hurt. […]

That boring activities become, perversely, much less boring if you concentrate intently on them. […] That concentrating intently on anything is very hard work. […] That no one who has been to prison is ever the same again. […] That a clean room feels better to be in than a dirty room.

That the people to be most frightened of are the people who are the most frightened. That it takes great personal courage to let yourself appear weak. That you don't have to hit somebody even if you really really want to. That no single, individual moment is in and of itself unendurable.

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there is so much you can do to engage with your emotions in different ways to feel more at peace ^^ <3<3 feel free to ask any questions about this, or to add more about what may be driving, causing, or interacting with your emotions too :). you always have a real amount of power to influence how you respond <3. you can't control everything, you can't just make painful emotions or anger go away, but we can choose how we understand it and how we react to our own anger too <3<3. wishing you all the best @1984 . may you feel able to pour out your anger into relieving actions that make you feel more at peace, more in control, and more freed up to live closer to the kind of life you want to live ^^ <3<3

 

[webb&flow]

Cutting and perhaps yelling at people may both be a way to give yourself a feeling of being in control. Depending on what environment you are in,if you can find a way to give yourself actual control over something, it might be a way to reduce the feeling to do something harmful.

Sometimes people can find a way to feel in control by saying things that are complementary or even humorous. This might be a more productive alternative.

please do not cut yourselves y'all. please do not cut yourselves y'all.

those scars pile up and it could get to the point where you have actually hundreds of scars on multiple parts of your body. that can be really painful.

i know people cut and they desire to cut but it leads to less control long-term, not more. A person who cuts themself to "have control" may very quickly feel a lack of control from the numerous selfharm wounds now on their body, that cannot be easily removed, that can only heal with time. That is not an empowering thing. Please try to avoid being in that situation if you can; and if you already have scars, preventing more scars will allow the previous ones to heal, and the less new ones are added the less time it will take for all your scars to fade away <3<3.

A better way to make yourself feel in control is to engage in a hobby. Play an instrument badly, try writing something, any kind of hobby works :). Maybe even a video game, haha. But try to find something to do with your hands or your mind that creates something as a result. And maybe you can try learning something too :) and exploring interesting things you find important in your life. Feed your interests. Nurse your passions. Find things you like doing, and explore them further.

Trying to joke about your own situation can be helpful too <3.

All of these are far more healing than selfharm is <3. No shade to people who selfharm. But many people on this forum who have selfharmed have written in extensive detail about the often unsavory side effects of it. I thank them for sharing their insight about their own experiences, and I just generally wish them well in their lives too, as I do you, dear reader.

 

[StarryEyed]

I have strong urges to hurt people physically and mentally even though I know it's wrong. I've mostly tried online discourse since I basically get to yell at stupid people and most of them are bots anyways or doing the exact same thing I am. I don't want to cut myself when I feel like this because I feel like it makes me look weak.

I'm sorry you're struggling with this mindset. About 20 years ago I was on high-dose Seroquel for a couple of years to treat psychosis, and I had a horrible side effect similar to what you're describing. When lying in bed with my partner, I could feel my hand and arm moving to stab him repeatedly, even though I was very much in love with him and even though I had nothing available to stab him with. I also had frequent similar feelings in bed and throughout the day of my hand and arm moving to stab or slice myself - again even though I had no weapons. And I have never been violent towards myself or anyone else. When I finally went to a tiny dose of Seroquel, these impulses (I guess you would call them) went away. But it was a horrible couple of years with this problem.

Maybe you're having a medication side effect? Even if you aren't, and it's your character, or an illness, something I did might help you too. I thought of it as a part of me, not all of me. So I owned it, but did not let it define me. It helped me not succumb to the urges. But even if I had succumbed, it would still only have been a part of me.

We are all fuck-ups in our own special way. I hope you find some peace with yourself and others.

@webb&flow I love the Mister Rogers video.

 

[CoeurDAmour]

when im angry i try destroying things with my hands. it always ends with me getting a boxers fracture though…

 

[1984]

Thank you for all the responses guys! I'll try them out, and I'll try and avoid cutting myself in the future (as best I can at least) :)