Discussion Anyone else struggle with chronic detachment and emptiness?

[red_cardinal]

Does anyone else have this constant, chronic sense of separation from the world, people, and, sometimes, from themselves? Even though I've been in a good place mentally, emotionally lately, I've improve my physical health, too, a little, this detachment never goes away, and it comes with apathy and misanthropy sometimes.

I have high empathy, yet I have this profound sense of sadness and despair when I sit with myself, this overwhelming sense of sorrow, for lack of a better word. Even if I feel content with my own life, even if I've had the best day ever. It's always there, and it makes me feel like I have a glass wall between me and the world around me, my loved one(s), and my physical body. I'd believed it was depersonalization & derealization until very recently, and I still believe that, but with a dose of skepticism and inquisitiveness, but it feels ever-present.

A moment that has stayed with me over the years is when I was playing badminton with a group of friends when I was about 11. We were outside, in the countryside, and the sun was setting. I stopped when I noticed the sunset to admire it, I was a little transfixed, in awe, so I pointed to it to show my then-BFF. And she rolled her eyes and was like 'whatever, let's keep playing', she dismissed me. I felt that sense of separation between me and the others that moment very strongly, like I was looking at them while inhabiting some human-looking robot, the glass wall felt thicker that moment.

I've never had a moment when I felt like I can 'go through' the glass wall and actually live in reality. Not even when I have strong emotions - on the contrary, I feel even more floaty when I have intense emotions, positive or negative, and reality feels hazy. Sometimes, this distance also comes with apathy, and it's like nothing can excite me or make me feel alive. In fact, I don't know what it means, to feel alive, because I have this constant 'buffer' between me and reality, and I can never penetrate it.

Can anyone relate? I am not depressed, and I've always felt like this.

 

[c0tard]

Does anyone else have this constant, chronic sense of separation from the world, people, and, sometimes, from themselves? Even though I've been in a good place mentally, emotionally lately, I've improve my physical health, too, a little, this detachment never goes away, and it comes with apathy and misanthropy sometimes.

I have high empathy, yet I have this profound sense of sadness and despair when I sit with myself, this overwhelming sense of sorrow, for lack of a better word. Even if I feel content with my own life, even if I've had the best day ever. It's always there, and it makes me feel like I have a glass wall between me and the world around me, my loved one(s), and my physical body. I'd believed it was depersonalization & derealization until very recently, and I still believe that, but with a dose of skepticism and inquisitiveness, but it feels ever-present.

A moment that has stayed with me over the years is when I was playing badminton with a group of friends when I was about 11. We were outside, in the countryside, and the sun was setting. I stopped when I noticed the sunset to admire it, I was a little transfixed, in awe, so I pointed to it to show my then-BFF. And she rolled her eyes and was like 'whatever, let's keep playing', she dismissed me. I felt that sense of separation between me and the others that moment very strongly, like I was looking at them while inhabiting some human-looking robot, the glass wall felt thicker that moment.

I've never had a moment when I felt like I can 'go through' the glass wall and actually live in reality. Not even when I have strong emotions - on the contrary, I feel even more floaty when I have intense emotions, positive or negative, and reality feels hazy. Sometimes, this distance also comes with apathy, and it's like nothing can excite me or make me feel alive. In fact, I don't know what it means, to feel alive, because I have this constant 'buffer' between me and reality, and I can never penetrate it.

Can anyone relate? I am not depressed, and I've always felt like this.

yeah. the never feeling like you're living in reality thing is real as hell. the first time i can remember the feeling was way back in elementary school, though i assumed that was what was normal. me and a friend call the feeling Almond now, after an inside joke. the constant apathy and disconnection. it helps us feel less... guilty? about it?

the way i see it, being human is some fucked up form of seeing the world. everyone has their own experiences, and nothing is really normal. whatever way you experience life and love and happiness (or, the lack of all those three) is right. because you're living it.

 

[GodzillasBiggestFan]

yes. i have been depressed always but the past 8(?) months i have felt like this. i feel like everything is distant and not real

 

[trying ungracefully]

Yeah I feel this way. I've been reading a book and what you are talking about reminds me of it. It is basically talking about how we were raised can cause these deep rooted emotions and lack of connection to people. You are separated from others because you are too invested in our "ego stories". They are narratives created by our subconscious mind to make sense of the world. In the book the example given was "we're not worth their time" which can cause a feeling of separation between others.

It gives Information on how to change our ego story.
1. Witness ego story, what is it that you are telling yourself subconsciously in relation to other people or yourself?
2. Question your thoughts.
3. Reparent your hurt inner child. There are many ways to do this, treat yourself how you wanted to be raised.
4. Rewire your ego story with affirmations. Example: "We're not worth their time" -> "I can communicate my needs and if they are able to meet them".

Also, a disregulated nervous system can cause you to feel more alone because you can't open yourself up to the connection of others. You re constantly in a state of fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. And our body will prioritize our physical needs so thoughts can become self focused and it's hard to consider other people compared to our own needs.

If you feel emotionally alone you are going to feel alone in life too. You can see others as a "threat" and it's not a safe environment to be open and yourself.

The book is How to be the love you seek by Dr Nicole LaPera. You can get it for free on an archive website, I can DM a link if you want it, I just don't want to share it here because I am afraid google search would allow it to link back to this site.

 

[red_cardinal]

Yeah I feel this way. I've been reading a book and what you are talking about reminds me of it. It is basically talking about how we were raised can cause these deep rooted emotions and lack of connection to people. You are separated from others because you are too invested in our "ego stories". They are narratives created by our subconscious mind to make sense of the world. In the book the example given was "we're not worth their time" which can cause a feeling of separation between others.

It gives Information on how to change our ego story.
1. Witness ego story, what is it that you are telling yourself subconsciously in relation to other people or yourself?
2. Question your thoughts.
3. Reparent your hurt inner child. There are many ways to do this, treat yourself how you wanted to be raised.
4. Rewire your ego story with affirmations. Example: "We're not worth their time" -> "I can communicate my needs and if they are able to meet them".

Also, a disregulated nervous system can cause you to feel more alone because you can't open yourself up to the connection of others. You re constantly in a state of fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. And our body will prioritize our physical needs so thoughts can become self focused and it's hard to consider other people compared to our own needs.

If you feel emotionally alone you are going to feel alone in life too. You can see others as a "threat" and it's not a safe environment to be open and yourself.

The book is How to be the love you seek by Dr Nicole LaPera. You can get it for free on an archive website, I can DM a link if you want it, I just don't want to share it here because I am afraid google search would allow it to link back to this site.

Thank you very much for this perspective, I appreciate it! It might be related to C-PTSD somehow, though it feels too strong and too deeply rooted to be just a result of traumatic events. But I did feel emotionally neglected and starved, growing up, so... who knows. It's food for thought

 

[kompyany]

It's hard to say—I've experienced this state of mind frequently since I was very young. It might also be related to my genetics and emotional sensitivity. There's a history of depression in my immediate family across three generations.

 

[NotUrDream]

I can relate to that, I've been feeling this a lot lately, and it's something that kind of makes me depressed and concerned about what might be happening to my brain and why I feel this way, it's as if I were watching my sensations and emotions die. I really miss experiencing things in a genuine way, lately everything seems so transparent, so plastic, so bland.

 

[velvetmoon]

I totally relate to this so much. Especially the bit about feeling even floatier during intense emotions. It's really bizarre. Sometimes it's like I can't access the emotions I know I should or would be feeling. I've been told it's the brain protecting itself from feelings that might be too complex to process at the moment and so you just go numb, but I don't know. I'm interested in checking out that book now.