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wait i'm goated
- Feb 12, 2023
- 490
ALCOHOL IS THE BEST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO ME! everyone saying that it wont solve anything is over exaggerating. ofc the problems remain bht they will remain no matter what. what matters is that i can cope. i dont have nearly as many panic attacks. when i am confronted with this unfixable issues, i can just drink and then i doyn have to think about it. i dont see the issue. the only downside is feeling sick the morning after and the anxiety i get when i am running low on drinks. not much else to complain about. i dont freak out over things anymore because i know i can cope as soon as i get home. i am not even particularly bad like a lot of alcoholics. i don't really get drunk. i havr a few beers as soon as i get home and that's usually it. i jusy get buzzed or tipsy and leave it at that. if my despair gets too overwhelming (like today) i drink more. i haven't been havjng many moments like that tho because the alcohol helps. i am still extremely depressed and think about ctb all the time. even while drinking i am extremely sad. but the panic is mostly gone and thats what matters most. ive had some more tonight and its barely helpikgn bht thats besides the point.
aside from all that, i am in quite a bit of distress rn. its the same shit and i am running low on booze so i cant do much. i am so worthless. its the same thing. to this day i am trying and trying but no one cares becayse i am worthless. i have never meant anything to a sinngle soul on this planet. i am just an alien that real people entertain until they find actual people to care about. everyone left and they will/already have found better people because thats how it goes with me. i dotn want to hear "some people just drift", "you're overthinking", whatever. i am not being too hard on myself i am recognizing a pattern and connecting the dots. i am worthless, unlovable, disposable, easily replaced,, other synonyms for something not worth keeping around. no one has told me that directly because everyone is either too pussy/too worried about preventing guilt, or they sre sadistic and evil and prefer to see things like me wallow in confusion and despair. their actions show it regardless. actioms speak louder than words or whatever. you can twll someoen you care and you love them, your actions have to match and i have yet to witness thsoe actipms. genuinely everyoen knows how bad it is for me but they made their choices and chose to watch me suffer and contribute to it. easinf the suffering is not even difficult on anyone else's part which is even more hard to witness. people prefer to watch me suffer and i know theg are watching. alien is the only word that comes to mind, but i domt thjnk im even interesting enough to be compared to aliens. it is the only analogy coming to mind, forgive me. i just dont even know if i am human in the eyes of anyone becayse i cant imagine treating another human like this. i sont understand just watchign something suffer and doing nothing but contributing to it. is thag not sadistic?? i am still trying and trying and trting and failing and failing and failing. i will die, i need to die. alien thing isnt meant to live
I GUESS
aside from all that, i am in quite a bit of distress rn. its the same shit and i am running low on booze so i cant do much. i am so worthless. its the same thing. to this day i am trying and trying but no one cares becayse i am worthless. i have never meant anything to a sinngle soul on this planet. i am just an alien that real people entertain until they find actual people to care about. everyone left and they will/already have found better people because thats how it goes with me. i dotn want to hear "some people just drift", "you're overthinking", whatever. i am not being too hard on myself i am recognizing a pattern and connecting the dots. i am worthless, unlovable, disposable, easily replaced,, other synonyms for something not worth keeping around. no one has told me that directly because everyone is either too pussy/too worried about preventing guilt, or they sre sadistic and evil and prefer to see things like me wallow in confusion and despair. their actions show it regardless. actioms speak louder than words or whatever. you can twll someoen you care and you love them, your actions have to match and i have yet to witness thsoe actipms. genuinely everyoen knows how bad it is for me but they made their choices and chose to watch me suffer and contribute to it. easinf the suffering is not even difficult on anyone else's part which is even more hard to witness. people prefer to watch me suffer and i know theg are watching. alien is the only word that comes to mind, but i domt thjnk im even interesting enough to be compared to aliens. it is the only analogy coming to mind, forgive me. i just dont even know if i am human in the eyes of anyone becayse i cant imagine treating another human like this. i sont understand just watchign something suffer and doing nothing but contributing to it. is thag not sadistic?? i am still trying and trying and trting and failing and failing and failing. i will die, i need to die. alien thing isnt meant to live
I GUESS
