Afraid of burdening people

[Breadkey]

Suicide is not selfish but I am. If i Do it I'm putting all the burden of managing my old parents onto my brother which is extremely selfish and thoughtless especially because he already has alot on his plate. And also very emotionally and financially costing like funeral expenses and leaving them wondering why or even them blaming themselves. It's extremely irresponsible and selfish. But I want to go so bad but I don't want to hurt them and burden them as I'm already doing now. I genuinely fail to see *my* upcoming death as anything but selfish, i genuinely cannot see anything sad about it just something that'll be a major annoyance or something greatly selfish. Like i did it to hurt my parents. Even though I try my best to make myself as invisible as possible it's just i am blessed with good family and friend and yet I still have the gall to complain. I am just the bad person and have always been. My soul is the one that's rotten and has hurt other people. Everything is genuinely my fault and all that guilt i have stored is deserved

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

I have similar feelings. I know my life has been a chain of moral shortcomings that ultimately crushed me. I lost even the ability to live everyday life. I became that lazy and selfish. If I manage to hang myself (big if), a lot of people will have to scramble to clean up after me, and not just my body. It's not that I don't care, I just no longer have the energy to act differently.

(Oh, but I can't do it. So I rot.)

 

[TheTwelthRootOfTwo]

Suicide is not selfish but I am. If i Do it I'm putting all the burden of managing my old parents onto my brother which is extremely selfish and thoughtless especially because he already has alot on his plate. And also very emotionally and financially costing like funeral expenses and leaving them wondering why or even them blaming themselves. It's extremely irresponsible and selfish. But I want to go so bad but I don't want to hurt them and burden them as I'm already doing now. I genuinely fail to see *my* upcoming death as anything but selfish, i genuinely cannot see anything sad about it just something that'll be a major annoyance or something greatly selfish. Like i did it to hurt my parents. Even though I try my best to make myself as invisible as possible it's just i am blessed with good family and friend and yet I still have the gall to complain. I am just the bad person and have always been. My soul is the one that's rotten and has hurt other people. Everything is genuinely my fault and all that guilt i have stored is deserved

Yeah the guilt is the one of the hardest parts. I tell myself all the time, "I have a good family, my housemate loves me to the moon and back, I have a decent place to live... I can't really pinpoint a specific thing that is driving me to it. Yet, I have very little desire to remain in this rotten world. Everything feels so... "meaningless".