So hi
Maybe itll help someone maybe not. I wanted to describe how the lack of focus feels for me. People often say/think that ADHDers just find important stuff uninteresting and therefore get distracted easily. Not me. Without medication I'm just ALWAYS mentally exhausted. I can sleep 12h and then feel like I haven't slept for 3 days straight. Tasks that require focus also require mental energy and that's what I struggle with them. Because I'm too tired. It's like running a marathon with zero stamina. You will be tired after 1 kilometer/mile and all the sporty guys will be confused why you don't run no more. And I'm tired after 30 minutes of work meanwhile others work for 4 hours and are just fine. This is why social media is so addictive to me - it requires 0 mental effort. I know books that are a million times more interesting than any social media post but reading a book is mentally taxing.
So it was fascinating when people around me thought I'm so damn energetic when I was always tired. Yes you can be both hyyyypeeeer as hell and exhausted as hell at the same time.
Tha's why I got addicted to caffeine (mostly energy drinks). I just thought my body lacked the ability to rest properly and caffeine is considered to be an energy boost. Also caffeine makes me happier way less suicidal. After an energy drink people seem nicer and my problems less serious. I've cut down quite a bit already after getting medicine but I cannot cut it down to 0. Is it healthy? Probably not. But committing s-word on impulse is even less healthy. So yeah imma keep myself happy.
Maybe itll help someone maybe not. I wanted to describe how the lack of focus feels for me. People often say/think that ADHDers just find important stuff uninteresting and therefore get distracted easily. Not me. Without medication I'm just ALWAYS mentally exhausted. I can sleep 12h and then feel like I haven't slept for 3 days straight. Tasks that require focus also require mental energy and that's what I struggle with them. Because I'm too tired. It's like running a marathon with zero stamina. You will be tired after 1 kilometer/mile and all the sporty guys will be confused why you don't run no more. And I'm tired after 30 minutes of work meanwhile others work for 4 hours and are just fine. This is why social media is so addictive to me - it requires 0 mental effort. I know books that are a million times more interesting than any social media post but reading a book is mentally taxing.
So it was fascinating when people around me thought I'm so damn energetic when I was always tired. Yes you can be both hyyyypeeeer as hell and exhausted as hell at the same time.
Tha's why I got addicted to caffeine (mostly energy drinks). I just thought my body lacked the ability to rest properly and caffeine is considered to be an energy boost. Also caffeine makes me happier way less suicidal. After an energy drink people seem nicer and my problems less serious. I've cut down quite a bit already after getting medicine but I cannot cut it down to 0. Is it healthy? Probably not. But committing s-word on impulse is even less healthy. So yeah imma keep myself happy.
