Venting Addressing feelings of sadness.

[Anxieyote]

I am feeling intense feelings of sadness right now, which is normal for me. It's about 9am in the morning where I live, and since I drink every night to relieve anxiety, there is usually a "sadness spiral" that hits me in the morning.

It is comforting to be seen during these moments of sadness, which is why I'm posting this thread. I never like to vent without purpose, but I remind myself that there is a "vent" category on this website for a reason, and if I need to use it, that's ok.

One of my imaginary friends is here with me right now, and I usually talk to her to process things. It will seem like I am talking to myself, but she is here to help me calm down, and to act as an anchor.

"Enough prefacing. How are you feeling?"
Not good.
"What's wrong?"
Still sad about Ryan.
"Ok. It's ok to be sad. You guys were talking everyday, right?"
Mmhm.
"And when the talking just stopped, it felt really bad."
Yeah.
"And you're sad that he hasn't sent out any messages to you? You thought he was going to miss you as much as you miss him?"
Yeah.
"I think he does miss you. Maybe not in the same way, but you won't be replaceable. He won't meet another friend quite like you."
Thank you, Luka.
"Shhhhhhh…shhhhhhhh…shhhhhhh…"
"Ryan isn't here anymore. And I know you don't like that. I know it feels bad. And I'm sorry. I'm really sorry."
"What are some good things that happened today?"
Today?
"You got to talk to nice people in the chatroom."
Yeah I guess so.
"I wouldn't take that for granted. Not everyone is nice."
I still miss him, Luka. I know you're trying to distract me, but I miss him so much. I want to message him right now and talk to him and love him like we were doing.
"I know. I can feel your heart crying."
I miss him so much. So, so much.
"That's what I'm here for. Give me a hug."
"You're grieving. And if there's any place to grieve, it's here."
"Never ignore your heart. Never ever ever."
"Shhhhhhhhhhhhhh…shhhhhhhhhhhhh…shhhhhhhhhhhhh…"
"It's ok. I'm here."
"Let go of the pain. It's mine now, I have it. I took your pain."
Haha.
"See? I took it, and I squished it."
I wish it were that easy.
"Does this help at all?"
I think so. I think I just might be sad for awhile though.
"That's ok. It's not something that will be easy for you to let go of. But when you're ready, I have a bunch of fun things we can do."
I haven't had fun in a long time.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry that you suffer so much. I can imagine that it must be so overwhelming to have to deal with this. Living really is so painful. I hope that you find relief.

 

[rationaltake]

I remember you posted about losing your friend. I know what it's like to miss someone.

I really hope you get to have some fun.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Luka sounds like a lovely imaginary friend to have. I wish the voices in my head were as kind.

Think she emphasises what an amazing and insiteful friend once said to me: 'You need to go through these emotions- It's OK to feel whatever you feel.'

I'm so sorry you are hurting. I hope that things get better. It's such a cliche but I think time can help- maybe not heal but at least dull the pain a little. I really hope so.