CuerpoMuerto
BRB, Looking up LD50 of My Meds
- Aug 21, 2023
- 33
I really hate having an addictive personality. I have done a great job of hiding my addictions from my family and friends, but I am back to stealing pills when I can.
At this point it does not matter what it is, an upper or downer its gonna be in me like Im an easy date. Lol
I have been addicted to DPH (yes, the hat man drug), Adderall/Vyvanse, Ambien, weed, benzos, alcohol- I was able to abuse Lamictal somehow - taking enough to not feel my limbs and having low blood pressure induced hallucinations. I would take harder drugs if I knew how to access them- I dress and look like a narc. I dress like a librarian and am very quiet in my day to day life.
I know I do this as a distraction, I think its entertaining to see how my body reacts to dramatic amounts of whatever I can gain access to. I used to look forward to the pain felt in my bones and organs when trying to reach total delirum off of benadryl back in high school.
It worries everyone who I let in the know, but it sincerely does not worry me, its why I hate being like this. I hate seeing people worry. But, god, what a great distraction from the hell around me. Its like I jump from drug to drug, binging them until I am bored of the effects or run out, then I am onto the next thing. My days are spent waiting until I can get my hands on something else.
Is anyone else like this? How do you go back to being sober off everything when nothing matters?
At this point it does not matter what it is, an upper or downer its gonna be in me like Im an easy date. Lol
I have been addicted to DPH (yes, the hat man drug), Adderall/Vyvanse, Ambien, weed, benzos, alcohol- I was able to abuse Lamictal somehow - taking enough to not feel my limbs and having low blood pressure induced hallucinations. I would take harder drugs if I knew how to access them- I dress and look like a narc. I dress like a librarian and am very quiet in my day to day life.
I know I do this as a distraction, I think its entertaining to see how my body reacts to dramatic amounts of whatever I can gain access to. I used to look forward to the pain felt in my bones and organs when trying to reach total delirum off of benadryl back in high school.
It worries everyone who I let in the know, but it sincerely does not worry me, its why I hate being like this. I hate seeing people worry. But, god, what a great distraction from the hell around me. Its like I jump from drug to drug, binging them until I am bored of the effects or run out, then I am onto the next thing. My days are spent waiting until I can get my hands on something else.
Is anyone else like this? How do you go back to being sober off everything when nothing matters?
