Venting A sense of doom

[Sensei]

I still have hopes. Things can actually get better in my life. The odds are really bad, but I'm not being unrealistic. I'm feeling that I'm beginning to run out of time, though. It's a strange sense of doom. I will end my life, annihilate myself. Should I start planning my suicide? Probably no use. I will simply be overcome by a spontaneous suicidal impulse. That was what happened when I made my attempts at least. No matter what, I'll try to make it look like an accident to spare my family and friends some feelings of guilt. My plan is to use 2M2B. If it gets detected at all, because detection requires gas chromatography, it will hopefully pass as an unfortunate overdose. There are question marks surrounding this method, though. Maybe I'll go for the femoral artery instead. A freak accident in the kitchen. It's actually not unheard of, believe it or not. Then what? I think of it as an endless greyness, but that's perhaps simply because I can't imagine nothingness. Or maybe there's something beyond the dark veil? I honestly don't know anymore. Well, I'll keep on fighting for a few months at least, perhaps a few years if something unexpected happens. Just needed to get this off my chest.

 

[WornOutLife]

I think I might be overcome by a spontaneous suicidal impulse too.
I also have hopes. For that reason, I'm trying to live again and damn, I'm actually having good days.

However, one day, in spite of not having a proper plan, I might ctb.

As for the afterlife, I can't imagine an eternal nothingness either. Sounds ridiculous! Nevertheless, hell sounds even more nonsense! lol

I guess we'll have no choice but wait, just like death is patiently waiting for all of us.

 

[Sensei]

I think I might be overcome by a spontaneous suicidal impulse too.
I also have hopes. For that reason, I'm trying to live again and damn, I'm actually having good days.

However, one day, in spite of not having a proper plan, I might ctb.

As for the afterlife, I can't imagine an eternal nothingness either. Sounds ridiculous! Nevertheless, hell sounds even more nonsense! lol

I guess we'll have no choice but wait, just like death is patiently waiting for all of us.

Do I recall correctly that you also are bipolar? Suicidal impulses are a real problem for me. When I have depressive episodes I get them every single fucking day. However, I've only failed twice to resist them and I survived both times, obviously. I feel no sadness, hesitation, or fear when I get such an impulse. Is it the same for you?

 

[WornOutLife]

Do I recall correctly that you also are bipolar? Suicidal impulses are a real problem for me. When I have depressive episodes I get them every single fucking day. However, I've only failed twice to resist them and I survived both times, obviously. I feel no sadness, hesitation, or fear when I get such an impulse. Is it the same for you?

Yes, your situation is quite similar to mine! I've had 3 failed attempts and all of them were on impulse!
And yeah, I'm bipolar, which makes things much more unstable lol.

Also, you and I are teachers! So many coincidences haha!

 

[Sensei]

Yes, your situation is quite similar to mine! I've had 3 failed attempts and all of them were on impulse!
And yeah, I'm bipolar, which makes things much more unstable lol.

Also, you and I are teachers! So many coincidences haha!

You're a true brother-in-pain!

 

[Into The Void]

I still have hopes. Things can actually get better in my life. The odds are really bad, but I'm not being unrealistic. I'm feeling that I'm beginning to run out of time, though. It's a strange sense of doom. I will end my life, annihilate myself. Should I start planning my suicide? Probably no use. I will simply be overcome by a spontaneous suicidal impulse. That was what happened when I made my attempts at least. No matter what, I'll try to make it look like an accident to spare my family and friends some feelings of guilt. My plan is to use 2M2B. If it gets detected at all, because detection requires gas chromatography, it will hopefully pass as an unfortunate overdose. There are question marks surrounding this method, though. Maybe I'll go for the femoral artery instead. A freak accident in the kitchen. It's actually not unheard of, believe it or not. Then what? I think of it as an endless greyness, but that's perhaps simply because I can't imagine nothingness. Or maybe there's something beyond the dark veil? I honestly don't know anymore. Well, I'll keep on fighting for a few months at least, perhaps a few years if something unexpected happens. Just needed to get this off my chest.

Never heard of 2M2B before, interesting.