I have been trying to find something that can pull me back from the edge and so far nothing is working out so well.
I have always been a fighter, always persevered, stayed strong, kept going, Blah Blah Blah. Now I find that I am tired and it is not a physical kind of tired. It is in my soul, deep and unrelenting. I find putting on my happy face everyday is becoming harder and harder and it is taking a toll on my children. They know something is not right no matter how hard I tried to hide it and it hurts to see the concern and confusion on their faces. I have set things up for them and am in the process of getting everything in order so they, and the person who will replace me, have the least amount of work to do.
My friend tells me to think of my kids but maybe I am thinking of kids. So far in life they have learnt that there mom can be beaten, broken, raped, thrown away, completely destroyed, but that she is always there for them, she is all they have. She is the one who makes everything OK and just keeps on fighting for them. The problem is she has become nothing and she doesn't think she can fight anymore.
I guess what I'm looking for is a reason to keep going. A reason other than the usual: it will get better, your stronger than you think, there is help available, think of your kids.
Just a simple reason.
I have always been a fighter, always persevered, stayed strong, kept going, Blah Blah Blah. Now I find that I am tired and it is not a physical kind of tired. It is in my soul, deep and unrelenting. I find putting on my happy face everyday is becoming harder and harder and it is taking a toll on my children. They know something is not right no matter how hard I tried to hide it and it hurts to see the concern and confusion on their faces. I have set things up for them and am in the process of getting everything in order so they, and the person who will replace me, have the least amount of work to do.
My friend tells me to think of my kids but maybe I am thinking of kids. So far in life they have learnt that there mom can be beaten, broken, raped, thrown away, completely destroyed, but that she is always there for them, she is all they have. She is the one who makes everything OK and just keeps on fighting for them. The problem is she has become nothing and she doesn't think she can fight anymore.
I guess what I'm looking for is a reason to keep going. A reason other than the usual: it will get better, your stronger than you think, there is help available, think of your kids.
Just a simple reason.
