30 and tired of living.

[justtoojaded]

I'm turning 31 next month and I'm just so tired of living. I've experienced a lot in almost 31 years, and life at best now just feels repetitive, and at worst, stressful. I really want to CTB because I'm tired of being alive.

 

[iraundo]

Ok. You´ve experienced a lot, but what about travelling? I was in the same situation when I was 26. I took a plane for first time on that age (I was sure I had a kind of claustrophobia so I also thought I had panic to fly) and despite it was also an european country, this opened my mind. And in the next trips I met new people and cultures.

Find new enviroments and cultures leads to relevant changes, makinh you feel more calm and happy. Give you a chance and go somewhere. Israelites after 2 years in the Army and a high competitive education use to take a sabbatical year to prepare for college and adult life. This helps them face a stressful future both socially (pressure to get married) and at work.

 

[jodes2]

I know how you feel! Welcome to the forum. I hope you get something nice out of your 31st birthday

 

[justtoojaded]

Ok. You´ve experienced a lot, but what about travelling? I was in the same situation when I was 26. I took a plane for first time on that age (I was sure I had a kind of claustrophobia so I also thought I had panic to fly) and despite it was also an european country, this opened my mind. And in the next trips I met new people and cultures.

Find new enviroments and cultures leads to relevant changes, makinh you feel more calm and happy. Give you a chance and go somewhere. Israelites after 2 years in the Army and a high competitive education use to take a sabbatical year to prepare for college and adult life. This helps them face a stressful future both socially (pressure to get married) and at work.

I've traveled nationally and internationally a lot growing up with my mom. I've traveled nationally and internationally a few times in my 20s too. I don't really like traveling to be honest. It takes a lot of my energy, and I'm depressed usually one to two weeks out of each month.

I lived in Los Angeles for 25 years. Moved 40 miles north for 2 years. Now I've lived in Salt Lake City for 3 years.

I know how you feel! Welcome to the forum. I hope you get something nice out of your 31st birthday

Depends on how I feel next month. If I'm suicidal like I was this month, I might take my SN before my birthday.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm also tired. It just sounds so nice to fall asleep and never wake. Life is so tedious, pointless and repetitive, your feelings are understandable. I could never endure existence until I die from old age, the thought of suffering for many more decades is horrifying.

 

[Supersadmommy90]

I'm turning 31 next month and I'm just so tired of living. I've experienced a lot in almost 31 years, and life at best now just feels repetitive, and at worst, stressful. I really want to CTB because I'm tired of being alive.

If you don't mind me inquiring, are you male or female. I'm 32 and a woman, and thinking about starting up my own thread regarding specifically being a depressed millennial woman. I'm just at that place in life where 1- the consequences of my life choices are now inescapable and 2- I'm not happy with how life turned out for me. I've lost too much ground to be anything but a malcontent runner up at life. Every day is another sore reminder of what a fck up I am and the silver linings are barely enough to keep me around.

 

[justtoojaded]

I'm also tired. It just sounds so nice to fall asleep and never wake. Life is so tedious, pointless and repetitive, your feelings are understandable. I could never endure existence until I die from old age, the thought of suffering for many more decades is horrifying.

Yes. I worked at a nursing home in my early 20s, and made the decision to enjoy my youth and die young. Nursing homes are torture chambers. I had so many patients begging me to kill them.

If you don't mind me inquiring, are you male or female. I'm 32 and a woman, and thinking about starting up my own thread regarding specifically being a depressed millennial woman. I'm just at that place in life where 1- the consequences of my life choices are now inescapable and 2- I'm not happy with how life turned out for me. I've lost too much ground to be anything but a malcontent runner up at life. Every day is another sore reminder of what a fck up I am and the silver linings are barely enough to keep me around.

I'm 30 and a woman. I feel the same. I'm not happy with how my life turned out.

 

[Supersadmommy90]

Yes. I worked at a nursing home in my early 20s, and made the decision to enjoy my youth and die young. Nursing homes are torture chambers. I had so many patients begging me to kill them.

I'm 30 and a woman. I feel the same. I'm not happy with how my life turned out.

I also feel resigned to eventual suicide because I find the circumstances of my life to not be fixable at this point. The broad strokes being, 2 baby daddies- tenuous and bad relationships with both. Current partner is bad for me and does reactive abuse where he purposefully does things to make me cry because he is fueled by my emotions, especially negative emotions of outrage and insult, he constantly does and says things to get under my skin and then denies ever meaning to do what he does, in a nutshell I feel forced into single motherhood because of his personality problems precluding my ability to continue living w him in an intact family but my age and looks prevent me from starting over with any kind of satisfactory outcome, as I have hair loss- one of the things my current partner harps on humiliating me about.
I didnt recover from childbirth the last time and have major PPD flare ups sporadic, Im in the midst of one right now and have been suicidal all afternoon and having to restrain myself from doing what I wish I could do. But I am restrained by having young children... somehow I think it might be easier to cope w a parents suicide in early childhood versus adulthood because the brain is still plastic enough to rewire attachments. I know that is reaching but this is what my mind is doing to me rn.

 

[AliceTheGoon]

Ok. You´ve experienced a lot, but what about travelling? I was in the same situation when I was 26. I took a plane for first time on that age (I was sure I had a kind of claustrophobia so I also thought I had panic to fly) and despite it was also an european country, this opened my mind. And in the next trips I met new people and cultures.

Find new enviroments and cultures leads to relevant changes, makinh you feel more calm and happy. Give you a chance and go somewhere. Israelites after 2 years in the Army and a high competitive education use to take a sabbatical year to prepare for college and adult life. This helps them face a stressful future both socially (pressure to get married) and at work.

What brings you here

 

[Supersadmommy90]

Yes. I worked at a nursing home in my early 20s, and made the decision to enjoy my youth and die young. Nursing homes are torture chambers. I had so many patients begging me to kill them.

I'm 30 and a woman. I feel the same. I'm not happy with how my life turned out.

Hair loss is one of my triggers and a big reason why Im suicidal at 32
I can see losing your hair in your 40s-50s and hopefully by then youre in a comfortable enough station family wise etc that hair loss is just a minor issue in your overall happy, meaningful life
But Ive had hair loss since my 20s and have severe dysphoria and self consciousness about this and havent felt fully like myself in literally forever
donèt like the way i look, not happy in my body and want to smash it against something violently

 

[justtoojaded]

I also feel resigned to eventual suicide because I find the circumstances of my life to not be fixable at this point. The broad strokes being, 2 baby daddies- tenuous and bad relationships with both. Current partner is bad for me and does reactive abuse where he purposefully does things to make me cry because he is fueled by my emotions, especially negative emotions of outrage and insult, he constantly does and says things to get under my skin and then denies ever meaning to do what he does, in a nutshell I feel forced into single motherhood because of his personality problems precluding my ability to continue living w him in an intact family but my age and looks prevent me from starting over with any kind of satisfactory outcome, as I have hair loss- one of the things my current partner harps on humiliating me about.
I didnt recover from childbirth the last time and have major PPD flare ups sporadic, Im in the midst of one right now and have been suicidal all afternoon and having to restrain myself from doing what I wish I could do. But I am restrained by having young children... somehow I think it might be easier to cope w a parents suicide in early childhood versus adulthood because the brain is still plastic enough to rewire attachments. I know that is reaching but this is what my mind is doing to me rn.

I'm sorry you're in that position. I'm single and child-free, so I fortunately don't have anyone other than my mom, friends, or co-workers that would notice my death. Do you think you'd actually go through with suicide, or are you just fantasizing about it?

Hair loss is one of my triggers and a big reason why Im suicidal at 32
I can see losing your hair in your 40s-50s and hopefully by then youre in a comfortable enough station family wise etc that hair loss is just a minor issue in your overall happy, meaningful life
But Ive had hair loss since my 20s and have severe dysphoria and self consciousness about this and havent felt fully like myself in literally forever
donèt like the way i look, not happy in my body and want to smash it against something violently

Yes, I can imagine hair loss being hard to deal with, especially as a woman. I heard that can happen during pregnancies. I've gained 20 lbs from a medication and even that makes me self-conscious.

 

[victoria91]

Turning 30 last year was a massive trigger point for me. I've always been suicidal but realising how unhappy I am at the age of 30 pushed me to want to CBT more then ever.

 

[justtoojaded]

Turning 30 last year was a massive trigger point for me. I've always been suicidal but realising how unhappy I am at the age of 30 pushed me to want to CBT more then ever.

Saaaame! I actually had a really amazing 30th birthday party. But then it really hit me that I was 30, not successful career-wise, And starting to lose my beauty, so that felt pretty crappy.

 

[Supersadmommy90]

I'm sorry you're in that position. I'm single and child-free, so I fortunately don't have anyone other than my mom, friends, or co-workers that would notice my death. Do you think you'd actually go through with suicide, or are you just fantasizing about it?

Yes, I can imagine hair loss being hard to deal with, especially as a woman. I heard that can happen during pregnancies. I've gained 20 lbs from a medication and even that makes me self-conscious.

I am doing everything to avoid suicide and I think I may be able to avoid it despite being utterly miserable. I am having difficulty even imagining seeing through the plans I do still have for life though and sometimes I feel that death is close, or near. I feel like I am constantly making bargains with God regarding the rest of my life, in that if God wants me to see through these miseries, something is going to have to give and life is going to somehow have to become 25% more bearable than it currently is. I have recently gotten some financial breaks without which, I would have been much more stressed. And I also had one of the best orgasms I've ever had the other day even though my libido isn't great, that was a welcome improvement. But overall I really want and cant wait to die and as much as I am trying to live, I think that one day my suicidally will catch me off guard as my past attempts have always been impulsive and unplanned.

And also re weight loss, you should check out the facebook group, intermittent fasting for women in their 40s, 50s and beyond... dramatic results. Primal weigh loss and snake diet are also some really good yt channels on the subject of fasting I recommend highly. I lost my baby weight easily fasting, it amazed me and still does to this day how much of a scam the weight loss industry is when having a nice body is as easy as fasting. My body is one thing Ièm happy with its just my hair and to a lesser extent my face that is kind of whatev and over it

 

[theboy]

What does it feel like to be 30 years old?

 

[Supersadmommy90]

Saaaame! I actually had a really amazing 30th birthday party. But then it really hit me that I was 30, not successful career-wise, And starting to lose my beauty, so that felt pretty crappy.

My beauty peaked at 28 and has fallen off too but this is life. Problem being I wasted my beauty and have nothing to show for it, nothing of personal value, no lasting love or anyone to remember the good times with, they were all ass holes I went to waste on. The fasting thing helps with your facial appearance too though. I find my face and even facial features, look noticeably bigger, and a slight double chin, if I am ever 10-15 lbs overweight. The least I can do to improve my appearance but I still look like a 6.5 hobbit and sick of life

 

[justtoojaded]

What does it feel like to be 30 years old?

I thought I'd feel very mature and old at 30, but I actually still feel very young. I do pole dance classes, go to ecstatic dance, hike and do yoga with no problem. It's just my mental health that sucks and always has.

I used to be depressed and cry a lot when I was younger but still wanted to live. Now I'm not very emotional but I'm suicidal.

 

[theboy]

Interesting. Sometimes I do things but they don't encourage me. I just want to die. I'm glad you do things to seek your health

 

[justtoojaded]

My beauty peaked at 28 and has fallen off too but this is life. Problem being I wasted my beauty and have nothing to show for it, nothing of personal value, no lasting love or anyone to remember the good times with, they were all ass holes I went to waste on. The fasting thing helps with your facial appearance too though. I find my face and even facial features, look noticeably bigger, and a slight double chin, if I am ever 10-15 lbs overweight. The least I can do to improve my appearance but I still look like a 6.5 hobbit and sick of life

Yeah, I wasted my beauty on crappy men too. Fasting definitely helps with facial features. I think I'm finally losing weight being off olanzapine and having a job with normal hours (I used to work 2pm-10pm and eat dinner at 11pm). Now I get off work at 5, so I can have an early dinner and fast until 10am the next day.

 

[obafgkm]

What does it feel like to be 30 years old?

According to the 37% rule, by 30 (something like 37% of life expectancy) one would have a good idea what the rest of life would be like, what opportunities one would get. It's time to stop dreaming and set a realistic target.

 

[theboy]

That sounds like a bucket of cold water. Sometimes I think I'll get there being a failure. I don't know if it's because of my immaturity or if it's really my illness. maybe both

 

[Supersadmommy90]

According to the 37% rule, by 30 (something like 37% of life expectancy) one would have a good idea what the rest of life would be like, what opportunities one would get. It's time to stop dreaming and set a realistic target.

This is exactly why I am confronting the option to ctb so hard at this point in life. 1- my life is already pretty well set in stone and decided, its just a matter of helplessly watching all of my bad decisions play out until the bitter end and 2- there is enough of life actually left, that makes the idea of another 20-30+ ill fated years to still come, seem intolerable because the foundation of life meant to see me through the latter half, is basically unstable and bastardized so it really is staring down the barrel at an awful lot

 

[justtoojaded]

This is exactly why I am confronting the option to ctb so hard at this point in life. 1- my life is already pretty well set in stone and decided, its just a matter of helplessly watching all of my bad decisions play out until the bitter end and 2- there is enough of life actually left, that makes the idea of another 20-30+ ill fated years to still come, seem intolerable because the foundation of life meant to see me through the latter half, is basically unstable and bastardized so it really is staring down the barrel at an awful lot

Looking 20 to 30 years in the future just seems exhausting to me.

 

[Ligottian]

I'm amazed I've made it to 62. Just a major trauma away from ctb.

 

[justtoojaded]

I'm amazed I've made it to 62. Just a major trauma away from ctb.

Good for you being able to fight life that long! I couldn't do it.

 

[y'ffre]

Everything is repetitive and boring in life. I wonder how people deal with this.

 

[justtoojaded]

Everything is repetitive and boring in life. I wonder how people deal with this.

I have a co-worker who's worked with the bank for 43 years. Being able to the same thing for that long baffles me.

 

[gimzero]

Imagine to lost everything job family to have chronic illness and cant die yet its like to live in hell.

 

[freevoid]

I'm turning 31 in december and while I've had a variety of experiences, chronic mental and physical illnesses has stolen the joy out of what should have been enjoyable times. I'm done.

Imagine to lost everything job family to have chronic illness and cant die yet its like to live in hell.

Yep, hell is the exact word for it. I'm not gonna wait around to see what other fun new symptoms and diagnoses pop up, or risk dying horribly and painfully in a flare up. Fuck that.

 

[Zerengin96]

Ok. You´ve experienced a lot, but what about travelling? I was in the same situation when I was 26. I took a plane for first time on that age (I was sure I had a kind of claustrophobia so I also thought I had panic to fly) and despite it was also an european country, this opened my mind. And in the next trips I met new people and cultures.

Find new enviroments and cultures leads to relevant changes, makinh you feel more calm and happy. Give you a chance and go somewhere. Israelites after 2 years in the Army and a high competitive education use to take a sabbatical year to prepare for college and adult life. This helps them face a stressful future both socially (pressure to get married) and at work.

shit is the same everywhere on this planet