Help 2 Nights before i can't escape

[StarryEyed]

I couldn't do it either, @telekon, for fear of heights - even without the thought of jumping! Yikes!

@Aren are you still with us? I'm just waking up, and you're on my mind.

 

[Aren]

I couldn't do it either, @telekon, for fear of heights - even without the thought of jumping! Yikes!

@Aren are you still with us? I'm just waking up, and you're on my mind.

We don't know in person but i think you are one of the only person to have me in mind. So thank you.
I'm near the bridge. I went to places where me and my girlfriend loved to go, but alone it's just pain. I try everything today, call every support i could but i have only earn "no we can't help you" even the last professional project i had here has been canceled by some people.

At this moment I'm on a bench at a park where we used to go. I'm waiting and suffering, I'm so sad my entire body makes me feel pain and it's very hot outside, i have nowhere to go. I feel like I'm already facing the death of tonight. What a shitty life even in the end.

jumping off a bridge is so f'in scary. I have a bridge too but looking down it for more than a minute gives me a feeling I can't explain, like there's just no way I could do it.

I agree it does scare me but at the moment i write this, I'm in a pain and anxiety very hight and alone. I need to do it and i hope on impulsivity...

 

[StarryEyed]

Hey @Aren. Thank you for writing back. I'm sitting beside you on the bench, in spirit - if you want. Maybe you can imagine your girlfriend with you there? I live by the sea too, in Spain, and have been thinking about going there to end it all. But I have many fears about the sea. I have so many fears. What country do you live in?

 

[Aren]

Hey @Aren. Thank you for writing back. I'm sitting beside you on the bench, in spirit - if you want. Maybe you can imagine your girlfriend with you there? I live by the sea too, in Spain, and have been thinking about going there to end it all. But I have many fears about the sea. I have so many fears. What country do you live in?

Thank you, it's hard I'm only crying right now... Just want to jump. This is the impulsion i searched, i just found it... I live in France. Romantic country for those who are not alone.
Hours are going to be long. 7-8 hours. I don't know if i can wait and just go now or soon. But night is better if i want to succed.
I went 2 Times in Spain it was beautiful. We planned to go to Italia. It would be a good place to ask her to become my wife and marry me.

I checked our stuff and nothing has moved. Even the place where she ate, it looks like pure depression for her and i did not saw his pain in totality.. Now it's too late and I'm wandering with ghosts right now. Hope they take me with us.

 

[StarryEyed]

Oh we're neighbours then. I have many friends from France and two of my cousins are French.

The supports here in Spain for mental health crisis are shit too. Practically nothing. Besides I don't speak Spanish well so even if I could get help, it wouldn't be much use. There are a couple of places I found in France you could call, but maybe you called all these already? Just in case you want to think about calling, this is what I found...

Find Help | Reasons To Stay

If you're in immediate danger, call your local emergency number or go to your nearest emergency department.

reasonstostay.org

Yes, Spain is beautiful. I haven't seen very much here because I'm afraid to travel. But I like what I see. But it's crazy hot!!! Right now it's 36 degrees!

Sending you big hugs and this song that I love. I found it two years ago just before one of my best friends died, and so I think of it as our song. This is "If I Needed You" by the White Horse Guitar Club".

 

[Aren]

Oh we're neighbours then. I have many friends from France and two of my cousins are French.

The supports here in Spain for mental health crisis are shit too. Practically nothing. Besides I don't speak Spanish well so even if I could get help, it wouldn't be much use. There are a couple of places I found in France you could call, but maybe you called all these already? Just in case you want to think about calling, this is what I found...

Find Help | Reasons To Stay

If you're in immediate danger, call your local emergency number or go to your nearest emergency department.

reasonstostay.org

Yes, Spain is beautiful. I haven't seen very much here because I'm afraid to travel. But I like what I see. But it's crazy hot!!! Right now it's 36 degrees!

Sending you big hugs and this song that I love. I found it two years ago just before one of my best friends died, and so I think of it as our song. This is "If I Needed You" by the White Horse Guitar Club".

Thank you. Today a lot of people put pressure on me too, i think i have more impulsion than needed. Anxiety is very hight right now.
I tried the main call center and waited for 1h15 min with no one and after that nobody answered

 

[StarryEyed]

You're welcome I think it's completely natural to feel anxious when you're about to jump off a bridge. I'm no expert, but it makes sense to me

I found an even more beautiful version of that song. Wow. This is Rachel Bradshaw and Jamey Johnson....

 

[Aren]

You're welcome I think it's completely natural to feel anxious when you're about to jump off a bridge. I'm no expert, but it makes sense to me

I found an even more beautiful version of that song. Wow. This is Rachel Bradshaw and Jamey Johnson....

People are just ignoring me tonight. They put pressure on me then left without taking consequences. I asked for impulsion, now i'm so desesperate.

 

[StarryEyed]

People are difficult to depend on because relationships are typically fragile, in my experience. So I just try to enjoy them while they last. It's hard to keep friends in crisis. It's especially hard to make friends in crisis. In my experience. Which is why this site is so cool - we're in crisis yet helping eachother.

Here's a song for you by one of my favourite artists from France, The Avenener with "To Let Myself Go".

 

[Aren]

People are difficult to depend on because relationships are typically fragile, in my experience. So I just try to enjoy them while they last. It's hard to keep friends in crisis. It's especially hard to make friends in crisis. In my experience. Which is why this site is so cool - we're in crisis yet helping eachother.

Here's a song for you by one of my favourite artists from France, The Avenener with "To Let Myself Go".

Thank you, you are right. Thanks to accompany me in this horrible night.

 

[StarryEyed]

You're welcome I'm going to sleep now.

Just one last thought ... There are other people on the forum to talk to. You can join another conversation, of course.

Oh, and sometimes when I feel alone, I see people in the things around me. Like someone made the bench you were sitting on. Someone cleans the seashore you go to. Someone built the bridge you're going to. Someone set up this forum. Someone is moderating the conversations. Someone built the car you're driving. Someone made the YouTube videos I sent you. Someone developed the Internet. Someone taught me and you to write. So when you think about it, there are always a lot of people around all of us. So we are never alone.

Here is one of my favourite songs for you while you sit in silence, "The Sound of Silence" by Simon and Garfunkel. Good night and big hugs

 

[Mirrors]

Chiming in just to sit on this mental bench with you as well. I hope you're still with us, I'm here to hold your hand through the night.

 

[Aren]

You're welcome I'm going to sleep now.

Just one last thought ... There are other people on the forum to talk to. You can join another conversation, of course.

Oh, and sometimes when I feel alone, I see people in the things around me. Like someone made the bench you were sitting on. Someone cleans the seashore you go to. Someone built the bridge you're going to. Someone set up this forum. Someone is moderating the conversations. Someone built the car you're driving. Someone made the YouTube videos I sent you. Someone developed the Internet. Someone taught me and you to write. So when you think about it, there are always a lot of people around all of us. So we are never alone.

Here is one of my favourite songs for you while you sit in silence, "The Sound of Silence" by Simon and Garfunkel. Good night and big hugs

Thank you very very much. It's so hard. Harder than i though...

Chiming in just to sit on this mental bench with you as well. I hope you're still with us, I'm here to hold your hand through the night.

Thank you for your support ! People here are so kind. Night is going to be long... I am so sad and so far from my life. I want to end it. But courage is the main issue. I have anxiety hight like never before, impulsion is here too. Need to fight SI and I'm free. I have now until 4 am to do it. So 3 hours to try.

 

[Mp4]

Thank you very very much. It's so hard. Harder than i though...

Thank you for your support ! People here are so kind. Night is going to be long... I am so sad and so far from my life. I want to end it. But courage is the main issue. I have anxiety hight like never before, impulsion is here too. Need to fight SI and I'm free. I have now until 4 am to do it. So 3 hours to try.

I have been reading what you say these days, i created this account just to say that i hope everything goes right
I know how it is to pass for those final hours, the pressure that one puts in himself to finally do it is horrible, specially if one thinks that there is no more time.
I dont have much to say, your decision is yours so is your life. I only hope that, regardless of your decision, you find some calm and peace after everything that happened.

 

[Aren]

I have been reading what you say these days, i created this account just to say that i hope everything goes right
I know how it is to pass for those final hours, the pressure that one puts in himself to finally do it is horrible, specially if one thinks that there is no more time.
I dont have much to say, your decision is yours so is your life. I only hope that, regardless of your decision, you find some calm and peace after everything that happened.

Thank you. For now i am so tired... I took some benzo to calm down the anxiety and go for it after.

 

[StarryEyed]

Good morning @Aren, @Mirrors and @Mp4.

 

[Aren]

Good morning @Aren, @Mirrors and @Mp4.

Unfortunatly I'm still here. Anxiety was too hight so i took benzo but i think all the pressure change impulsion to be very tired. I could not do anything. I drove on the bridge but all my body just ask to sleep and it hurted me. I have one night left, i will try my best to rest today and see what happen tonight because the issue stay the same after all... I don't see my self go back

 

[StarryEyed]

Unfortunately I'm still here too. I'm sorry you're still in your pain. It's crazy hot again today here. Is it hot there? I didn't go out yesterday because it was too hot. My apartment is like a fucking oven. I will try to go out a little this morning to get some groceries and go to the bank. Did you sleep in your car? Or did you go back to your parents to sleep?

Here is a soft morning song for you. I love the peaceful scenery in this video. This is "San Luis" by Gregory Alan Isakov. I love you.

 

[Aren]

Unfortunately I'm still here too. I'm sorry you're still in your pain. It's crazy hot again today here. Is it hot there? I didn't go out yesterday because it was too hot. My apartment is like a fucking oven. I will try to go out a little this morning to get some groceries and go to the bank. Did you sleep in your car? Or did you go back to your parents to sleep?

Here is a soft morning song for you. I love the peaceful scenery in this video. This is "San Luis" by Gregory Alan Isakov. I love you.

It's hot outside and yes i could only sleep in my car. If i at least temperature can be lower.
I try my best to have a good spot without sun to rest the most for to night