Zi’s Diary, Entry 19

[Chuuya-Chan ⋆. 𐙚˚]

Today was a day I actually slept all day.

After working on my bfs Christmas gift I went straight to a long nap, and the minute I woke up I wished I was reckless to overdose or something. It was mostly just a thought though and nothing intense…but I suppose I might start waking up everyday wishing I didn't again like last month.

It makes me sad that this is all that life seems to be at times, we're fragile yet resilient but I'm tired of gaining nothing but damage. That's all I feel I gain anymore. I barely want anything, nothing intensely enough to really work towards, even what I thought was my "dream" doesn't seem that appealing anymore.

I've been reading poetry again though and it's been making me feel creative. This literally only seems to happen when I'm depressed af wtf.

One of my counselors keeps asking me what I want and I literally don't fucking want anything anymore, I just wish I wasn't here living this love, nothing poetic or deep about it. Just non-existence.

Though I know I'll hang on until I can move, don't know what I'll do though if nothing changes even after I move though…have so many therapy appointments for the remaining days of this week and I just want to cancel them all, I want to push everyone away I want to feel close to death.

Xxx

Could be better.

 

[Redacted24]

Hi, sending some kindness your way on this tough day.
I think many people use their creative side as an outlet for dealing with difficult things. Look at the people here- so many are creative in different ways. I'm glad you have that (wish I was creative myself, sadly not even a tiny bit)

But, you can. And you do. That you do try and create something wonderful is kind of inspirational. At least I think so.

Thank you for your posts.
I look forward to them every day.
And do try to show yourself some grace for continuing to do what you do.
We're here for you.

 

[Chuuya-Chan ⋆. 𐙚˚]

Hi, sending some kindness your way on this tough day.
I think many people use their creative side as an outlet for dealing with difficult things. Look at the people here- so many are creative in different ways. I'm glad you have that (wish I was creative myself, sadly not even a tiny bit)

But, you can. And you do. That you do try and create something wonderful is kind of inspirational. At least I think so.

Thank you for your posts.
I look forward to them every day.
And do try to show yourself some grace for continuing to do what you do.
We're here for you.

I had no idea anybody even read my posts anymore…that brings me so much joy.

it's now Saturday but I've stayed up, but Friday was a rather good day for me.

I sincerely hope to have some jolly spirit for at least the end of this month, hope you find even a small thing to feel happy over too

 

[Redacted24]

Well, we're all struggling here, for different reasons. And knowing someone else is also pushing through the ups and downs makes me want to try and push through too.
Thank you for sharing with us.
I appreciate you.