Your last wills before you go, the last things you'll do

[ElyNoFantasy]

Hello guys.

That's it.

I'm gonna ctb tomorrow evening, in a place where no one goes, alone, in the dark and the cold but with my favorite songs in my ears. I could't wait to get SN, it takes too long to come and I can't do this anymore.

I thought I would have some ''last wills'', some things I'd wanted to do before I go. But it's been 10 years since I want to ctb. I've already often enjoyed things ''like it was the last time''.

I don't have anything I want to do anymore. I'll just have to wait 24 more hours.

Right now, I feel emotionless. Just tired I guess. I already wrote down everything I needed my parents and friends to know in a notebook for the past two months. So... I guess that's it.

I've counted more than 400 pills (sleeping pills, antidepressants, anxiolytics) that I cumulated over the years. Hope I won't fall asleep before being able to take them all like last time. I think it's why I failed.

I don't know if my body will ever be discovered. I don't really know how I feel about that.

I don't really know how I feel about anything. I'm just impatient for tomorrow evening to come. I don't have any doubts about my decision. It brings peacefulness in my heart. I can only truly smile when I think about how close I am to the end.

I don't even feel like moving anymore. Like I'm already somehow dead.

What would you guys do on your last day on earth ? I can't do anything crazy because of social anxiety. Yes, even now, I can't overcome it.

I love you guys. Thank you for being here. Thank you for this community. Thank you for allowing me to talk about what I can't say to anyone else. It's so important. I hope your website will continue to help other people like us.

Welp... I hope this time I won't fail. I think it'll be fine.

I wish peace on earth or in death to everyone.

''I'm not afraid of dying.
I'm afraid of surviving.''

Eliott, 24, they/them, France

 

[logan]

I don't really know what to say ...

It is sad when such a young person wants to end his life.

But you have been preparing for this for a long time and you are obviously sure that this is what you want to do.

I hope you don't suffer and that it is the right decision.

If you change your mind - we are always here for you.

 

[FuneralCry]

On my last day on earth, there is nothing I want to do apart from making sure that I exit this world and do not fail my method. I am also afraid of surviving, as life scares me but the thought of death brings me so much comfort, an end to it all. I hope you find the peace you are looking for.

 

[johnbooster]

Hi Eliott,

Hope you'll find peace dear friend.
Actually, I'm gonna record some videos for my family and friends just so they can understand my decision.

My grandparent's ashes were thrown on a summit in the French Alps. I'm gonna seat along that very same tree and "join" them.

I wish you the best,
Greetings from France too

 

[johnbooster]

Hi Eliott,

Hope you'll find peace dear friend.
Actually, I'm gonna record some videos for my family and friends just so they can understand my decision.

My grandparent's ashes were thrown on a summit in the French Alps. I'm gonna seat along that very same tree and "join" them.

I wish you the best,
Greetings from France too

Update here :
So I recorded videos explaining my motivations to ctb and other stuffs.
I've compressed them into .rar files with a password then save them on USB.
I've got a USB for every single person I want to reach.
Each USB got a different password.
I'm gonna send these passwords by SMS with a timer the day I'll ctb. Just to make sure I'll be gone when they will receive it.
Hope I'll succeed, I can't imagine what will happen if they open these videos while I'm waking up in a hospital...