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Your first thought when you wake up
Thread startera_strange_day
Start date
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Fuck ! I'm still alive. Every night before I fall asleep I pray, yes I pray, I even beg that I may just die peacefully while I sleep. Just leave quietly, no hard feelings, all's forgiven. It's been years. But no, no way ! So every morning my first thought is Fuck ! Still alive.
Reactions:
Pepper, peacefully31425, Roberto and 16 others
Sense of dread comes first, knowing im faced with the same day almost identical to the previous of pathetic silence and isolation, then reminding myself I don't get to change a fucking thing because ive endured too much im paralyzed and if I dare even try I'll be treat like garbage directly or indirectly.
Reactions:
heylightiforgot, SawItOnce, MourningHeart and 6 others
Fuck ! I'm still alive. Every night before I fall asleep I pray, yes I pray, I even beg that I may just die peacefully while I sleep. Just leave quietly, no hard feelings, all's forgiven. It's been years. But no, no way ! So every morning my first thought is Fuck ! Still alive.
Fuck ! I'm still alive. Every night before I fall asleep I pray, yes I pray, I even beg that I may just die peacefully while I sleep. Just leave quietly, no hard feelings, all's forgiven. It's been years. But no, no way ! So every morning my first thought is Fuck ! Still alive.
"Great another pointless day doing the same things and feeling the same way. Nothing is changing or helping. Even the dreams you had were depressing making you feel weird off setting vibes that you can't control. You have no control. Kill yourself, Kill yourself, kill yourself. DO IT you fucking idiot. What are you waiting for? No don't think like that. Not today go away. Not today, go away. Please just stop it like fuck. Kill yourself, kill yourself, kill yourself. No, no I can't, not yet. Do it you're wasting your time, your life is pathetic and nothing you do matters. Kill yourself, kill yourself, kill yourself. Just get it over with damnit. Am I always going to feel like this?"
And then after ruminating with those thoughts and feelings I'd get overwhelmed and then proceed to surf on my phone and then get ready to go smoke a bowl outside to forget myself even for a moment.
Reactions:
seekingoblivion, MourningHeart, burnedCookie and 5 others
I am a nightowl. When I wake up I need a long time to get started. First thought is to get up and all. After 20 seconds I realize my life is shit and I am shit and then the urge to end myself and it all and knowing that I am to much of a pussy to do it and that this is the only reason I am still alive. There you go.
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