I've always struggled with mental health and came on here the same night I stood on the edge of a 100m bridge, being too afraid to jump.
Since then my life and mental state got a lot better and I felt genuinely happy for the first time ever.
Then last month, when I got home after uni, the first words my mom said were: "Your brother hanged himself last night". She also told me how he taped a sign to his door (he lived in a dorm) that said "Do not open, there's a dead body in here", so no one but the police would find him. He destroyed all his electronics and wrote a lot of notes for different people, I still couldn't bring myself to read the one for the family, but my parents said he called me the best brother he could wish for in there.
Since the funeral, there has not been an hour in the day where I haven't thought about it. I cannot get the moment out of my head where my mom told me, or the imagination of him writing those notes and sign.
Two weeks after, I had to prepare a presentation for a class about mental health in students and I almost started crying in front of everyone.
At the same time it showed me the pointlessness of life. Everyone else's life moves on, it doesn't matter to anyone but a couple people that he's dead. When someone will ask me about siblings, I can just say I don't have any, and that's... the truth
Every day, I have been thinking about doing the same again. I don't want to disappoint my parents even more but I also don't know how to deal or live with this.
Since then my life and mental state got a lot better and I felt genuinely happy for the first time ever.
Then last month, when I got home after uni, the first words my mom said were: "Your brother hanged himself last night". She also told me how he taped a sign to his door (he lived in a dorm) that said "Do not open, there's a dead body in here", so no one but the police would find him. He destroyed all his electronics and wrote a lot of notes for different people, I still couldn't bring myself to read the one for the family, but my parents said he called me the best brother he could wish for in there.
Since the funeral, there has not been an hour in the day where I haven't thought about it. I cannot get the moment out of my head where my mom told me, or the imagination of him writing those notes and sign.
Two weeks after, I had to prepare a presentation for a class about mental health in students and I almost started crying in front of everyone.
At the same time it showed me the pointlessness of life. Everyone else's life moves on, it doesn't matter to anyone but a couple people that he's dead. When someone will ask me about siblings, I can just say I don't have any, and that's... the truth
Every day, I have been thinking about doing the same again. I don't want to disappoint my parents even more but I also don't know how to deal or live with this.
