You have to be really strong to ctb

[NoPointToContinue]

I believe this is true especially when ctb is mainly due to psychological factors. Everything tells you to live no matter what is your situation. Society, parents. And there is SI. How incredibly strong you have to be to overcome it. People who call ctb weakness know nothing about it.

 

[WatermelonMel]

Anyone who says you're "weak" for attempting CTB clearly has never tried it or even thought about trying it before.

But to be honest, life is just brutal. You have to be strong to endure life and you have to be stronger to stop.

 

[FuneralCry]

I agree, I have wanted to ctb for a long time but I am still here. It is difficult as we are programmed to survive. I wish it was easier. I just want to fall asleep and never wake again. I think in my case, I will eventually reach a point of desperation/hopelessness and only then will I be able to overcome the SI.

 

[NoPointToContinue]

Anyone who says you're "weak" for attempting CTB clearly has never tried it or even thought about trying it before.

But to be honest, life is just brutal. You have to be strong to endure life and you have to be stronger to stop.

You have to be strong to endure life if life is hard but you still want to live and be happy. Then hardships of life become more like challenge to overcome. But when you are not interested in life and its games anymore but still endure it, it is a sign of resignation, not strength.

 

[Smart No More]

I believe this is true especially when ctb is mainly due to psychological factors. Everything tells you to live no matter what is your situation. Society, parents. And there is SI. How incredibly strong you have to be to overcome it. People who call ctb weakness know nothing about it.

Yup!

I was determined and tried to partial. I went out. My body was flapping but somehow I got myself out and came around walking into the lounge from the bathroom where I'd made my attempt. Took about a minute for my vision to come back (everything was black like when you stand up too fast) and my body was buzzing/tingling and shaking from the core outwards like the way a fish flaps about out of water. It was the oddest sensation and I was so pissed off at the time that it didn't work. More than anything I learned a lot about SI and how much control we don't have. And I am a very headstrong determined type. At least I thought I was. I don't know how I got out the noose but it hurt my kneck/throat and I can still feel remnants of that to this day, months later.

That was just the act. On top of that there is all the guilt of leaving people behind etc.

 

[NoPointToContinue]

I agree, I have wanted to ctb for a long time but I am still here. It is difficult as we are programmed to survive. I wish it was easier. I just want to fall asleep and never wake again. I think in my case, I will eventually reach a point of desperation/hopelessness and only then will I be able to overcome the SI.

Yeah, SI is bitch. It has every tool in its arsenal to deceive you, so you can go on. Its like a final boss lol

 

[slyna]

There is nothing called "strong minded people". It's a scam.

It's all about what you really, really want as a person. If you really want to die and feel desperate enough, you'll do it.

 

[Snake of Eden]

Dear lord,
Grant us the power to overcome S.I.
Give patience to those we leave behind.
You know life is not for us
so why did you make us?!
We owe it to ourselves to stop the pain.
Why stay then when there is no gain?
In your mercy we trust since you are all love and just.
Welcome our souls into your kingdom so we know that its all part of your wisdom.
Freedom from life is the only good
Goodbye now Oh falling world

 

[PinkSakura]

I agree

 

[NoPointToContinue]

Dear lord,
Grant us the power to overcome S.I.
Give patience to those we leave behind.
You know life is not for us
so why did you make us?!
We owe it to ourselves to stop the pain.
Why stay then when there is no gain?
In your mercy we trust since we know you are all love and just.
Welcome our souls into your kingdom so we know that its all part of your wisdom.
Freedom from life is the only good
Goodbye now Oh falling world

I'm curious how do you reconcile the God that is love and our situation. Its not a cynical question, I'm genuinely interested. I also believe in love which is beyond anything and that love is just another face of God despite the fact I'm not in good terms with Him recently :)

 

[goldenvirginia]

Survival instinct or fear? I think the line between the two is very blurred. For me anyway.

 

[Snake of Eden]

I'm curious how do you reconcile the God that is love and our situation. Its not a cynical question, I'm genuinely interested. I also believe in love which is beyond anything and that love is just another face of God despite the fact I'm not in good terms with Him recently :)

I really dont have answer to your question but all I can hope for is that our pain and suffering is not overlooked by the all knowing. They must recognize that we were put in situation beyond our human limits to endure and thus understand our reasons to ctb. I accept that life is a place of chaos and testing where God allowed the good and the bad to happen to learn the essence of each human

 

[motel rooms]

Survival instinct or fear? I think the line between the two is very blurred. For me anyway.

There is no line between the two. Fear is just one of SI's tools

 

[Flippy]

Yup!

I was determined and tried to partial. I went out. My body was flapping but somehow I got myself out and came around walking into the lounge from the bathroom where I'd made my attempt. Took about a minute for my vision to come back (everything was black like when you stand up too fast) and my body was buzzing/tingling and shaking from the core outwards like the way a fish flaps about out of water. It was the oddest sensation and I was so pissed off at the time that it didn't work. More than anything I learned a lot about SI and how much control we don't have. And I am a very headstrong determined type. At least I thought I was. I don't know how I got out the noose but it hurt my kneck/throat and I can still feel remnants of that to this day, months later.

That was just the act. On top of that there is all the guilt of leaving people behind etc.

Sounds very similar to my experience, I actually did a double take when reading through as your description was so similar. I hope that you are feeling a bit better now at least. If your neck is still giving you pain I found massaging in Something like menthol oil helps relieve the ache.

I'm not sure how I ended up still breathing afterwards either. I'm amazed no one saw the horrible black bruises on my neck. Or maybe they did and didn't care? Who knows. I suppose I kept my jacket zipped all the way up most of the time but still I'm surprised I managed to hide it.

 

[fox_wannabe]

Si hits even before ctb. I distract myself and find reasons not to ctb, even tho I know It is better not to be alive.

 

[Hurt]

Now I'm focusing on my job and studies. That keeps me away from ctb but sometimes those ctb thoughts come and I re-analyze all I do. It's tiring. Sometimes I think every action I do is meaningless and that's when I start to feel suicidal.