Venting Yesterday was a good day, and that makes me feel strange.

[continuing]

Yesterday was good, I was watching anime with my crush (never gonna happen) and then i spent some time with friends, that anime had some good messages about life, let go of needing a purpose and feeling ok with the feeling of hopeless since when you dont have hope anymore you become more care free i guess.

I've lost hope in having anything with my currently crush, is simple not gonna happen and this was/still is affecting me, i know if see this person with someone else will destroy me, but also there was this feeling that, things might pass, even the bad feelings and i might be ok.

But is that feeling that i might be ok real ?, or just main brain tricking me cause i was near my crush ? (something with borderline, you randomly and without your control, choose a person to be your special one, and deposits your hopes to be happy in this one person)

That actually scares me cause, what if im too hopeful/scared to end ?, and them i will just have to cope with living ? you know.

 

[NutOrat]

I know how you feel about the weird feeling. For me it also makes me anxious, because it all comes in waves, a good one comes, things are good for a bit, and then it crashes horribly and I feel like I'm more depressed than I was before the wave. However, I think it might just be the contrast that makes me feel that. So I don't see why you shouldn't enjoy the good while it lasts. Living without hope and being ok with it doesn't sound sustainable to me. What anime was it btw? Curious.

As for your crush, I don't know how close you guys are, and if there were any advances/hints from their side, but honestly? If you feel like you can keep living for a while, and your heart tells you they're the one, I don't think it's bad of you to try. I missed my chance(s) back in the day, and it's way too late now, I don't even know that person anymore. Take my opinion with a pile of salt though, as I only confessed and rejected once in my life, and it was in grade school, so yeah.

 

[continuing]

I know how you feel about the weird feeling. For me it also makes me anxious, because it all comes in waves, a good one comes, things are good for a bit, and then it crashes horribly and I feel like I'm more depressed than I was before the wave. However, I think it might just be the contrast that makes me feel that. So I don't see why you shouldn't enjoy the good while it lasts. Living without hope and being ok with it doesn't sound sustainable to me. What anime was it btw? Curious.

As for your crush, I don't know how close you guys are, and if there were any advances/hints from their side, but honestly? If you feel like you can keep living for a while, and your heart tells you they're the one, I don't think it's bad of you to try. I missed my chance(s) back in the day, and it's way too late now, I don't even know that person anymore. Take my opinion with a pile of salt though, as I only confessed and rejected once in my life, and it was in grade school, so yeah.

I know how you feel about the weird feeling. For me it also makes me anxious, because it all comes in waves, a good one comes, things are good for a bit, and then it crashes horribly and I feel like I'm more depressed than I was before the wave. However, I think it might just be the contrast that makes me feel that. So I don't see why you shouldn't enjoy the good while it lasts. Living without hope and being ok with it doesn't sound sustainable to me. What anime was it btw? Curious.

As for your crush, I don't know how close you guys are, and if there were any advances/hints from their side, but honestly? If you feel like you can keep living for a while, and your heart tells you they're the one, I don't think it's bad of you to try. I missed my chance(s) back in the day, and it's way too late now, I don't even know that person anymore. Take my opinion with a pile of salt though, as I only confessed and rejected once in my life, and it was in grade school, so yeah.

thanks the anime was girl last tour (no spoilers please), about my crush i know is one sided, he never gave me any hint and he even told me that if hes into someone he becomes VERY ateched to that person, and that's not my case.
sigh, but i also know what i feel for them is not love, is more me idealazing someone, to pretrend someone can make me feel happy, the way i want, but not, it muist come from me, the more time passes the more i feel is a choise and that im whilling to choose to give up, i just dont like feeling, even that sometimes the feeling is good.

 

[petmom]

I remember I had a nice long weekend stretch a few weeks ago when I felt less suicidal or not at all. It was nice. It's so different how some people perceive life this way. It's so much more enjoyable and pleasant.

I relate to being worried about being too hopeful. Actually I personally don't have hope, but I'm still here for some reason.

May all of us have more good days

 

[continuing]

I remember I had a nice long weekend stretch a few weeks ago when I felt less suicidal or not at all. It was nice. It's so different how some people perceive life this way. It's so much more enjoyable and pleasant.

I relate to being worried about being too hopeful. Actually I personally don't have hope, but I'm still here for some reason.

May all of us have more good days

i understand but, how do we deal with the bad ones ?

 

[ponderingkoala]

Yesterday was good, I was watching anime with my crush (never gonna happen) and then i spent some time with friends, that anime had some good messages about life, let go of needing a purpose and feeling ok with the feeling of hopeless since when you dont have hope anymore you become more care free i guess.

I've lost hope in having anything with my currently crush, is simple not gonna happen and this was/still is affecting me, i know if see this person with someone else will destroy me, but also there was this feeling that, things might pass, even the bad feelings and i might be ok.

But is that feeling that i might be ok real ?, or just main brain tricking me cause i was near my crush ? (something with borderline, you randomly and without your control, choose a person to be your special one, and deposits your hopes to be happy in this one person)

That actually scares me cause, what if im too hopeful/scared to end ?, and them i will just have to cope with living ? you know.

It shouldn't that's salvation giving you a glimpse of what it feels like to let go and just let life takes its natural progression. Apply the surfer mentality to everything. No one knows when the next wave would arrive or end, but once they catch that wave, they ride it till where ever it ends regardless of knowing it's ending or not then wait for the next one. You'll be fine.

 

[sohopelessandempty]

i understand but, how do we deal with the bad ones ?

I wish I knew, you might wonder why I even replied if I have no clue but wanted to tell you you're not alone. I also feel like even if I figured out how to deal with the bad days, I don't want to have to deal with them at all. But that's how life is.

I remember I had a nice long weekend stretch a few weeks ago when I felt less suicidal or not at all. It was nice. It's so different how some people perceive life this way. It's so much more enjoyable and pleasant.

I relate to being worried about being too hopeful. Actually I personally don't have hope, but I'm still here for some reason.

May all of us have more good days

You took the words straight out of my mind. Do you have any reason for the good days? I get those too but it's out of my control, and also out of my control when the good days end. Maybe if I figured out what causes them, I could have more?

 

[petmom]

I wish I knew, you might wonder why I even replied if I have no clue but wanted to tell you you're not alone. I also feel like even if I figured out how to deal with the bad days, I don't want to have to deal with them at all. But that's how life is.

You took the words straight out of my mind. Do you have any reason for the good days? I get those too but it's out of my control, and also out of my control when the good days end. Maybe if I figured out what causes them, I could have more?

That sounds like a good idea. You should totally find what works for you.

For me, I think what caused the stretch of decent days, was a lot of stress letting up. Also this might be weird lol but I remember I listened to some music in bed and fell asleep, really enjoyed it, and felt so calm the next morning. Also met a deadline so that was over, and again some stress decreased and it was a long weekend.

I think there were enough little things to pick me up. I'm weird like that. I had a nice chat with my roommate, it was sunny on the drive home, oh I remember I made some really delicious food lol.

For sure, find what works for you. I guess it makes sense that reducing stress if possible + little joys could help.