Writing Fanfiction as a Hobby

[Fish On Land]

Since about three years ago, I started writing fanfiction as a way to pass the time. I get hyper-fixated on a single character and can't get them off my mind. I've always been sensitive and struggled to control my own emotions. I keep smiling and almost laughing when looking people in the face which I'm sure gives off a bad impression. I daydream obsessively since I was 5 and like to talk to myself and make up stories. I got really into fanfiction writing and it's been keeping me accompanied rather well. Unfortunately, fanfiction gets a really bad rep so I mostly keep it a secret because I'm self-conscious of what other people think about me. I have never written smut and don't even use swear words. Before I really wanted to publish my works so I did but I was afraid of people judging it which is super dumb because of so many reasons. One, I shouldn't care so much about people, especially someone on the internet. Two, no one expects too much from a random fanfiction online anyway. Despite this, I was an editing fanatic which drained the fun from the hobby. I'm already a very slow writer who often takes 2-3 hours to write 1.5k words and with constant editing, progress became incredibly slow (I was always falling behind in terms of writing speed for my English class). I worried more about transitioning, description, lengths, and other qualities rather than getting new chapters out and progressing the plot I had planned. I even got tired of it and dropped it for about half a year before returning back just recently. I've attended English schools since I was young but it is still a second language which makes grammar and writing more difficult (thank god for Grammarly to check for past/present tense and spelling). Depression makes me always feel tired and there's always a lot for me to do. I'm one of those high-achieving students (at least I'm in the more advanced classes) so there's a lot of test pressure and classwork. I'm not smart in the slightest so I have to work hard to maintain my grades, especially since I'm planning to major in computer science. Despite the lack of time and energy, I still write fanfiction even when I should be studying. I feel like writing fanfiction is an uncommon hobby overall, especially for the older or more studious students, and it makes me feel sad. Perhaps I'm wrong and there's more fanfiction writers in my advanced classes who are shy like me or something but I have high doubts. Fanfiction is seen as amateurish writing that's childish, cringy, or dirty which really sucks because it's been encouraging me to self-study some creative writing tips. I fixed some of my common writing flaws and paid more attention to how I write when telling a story. I thought I had improved and was enjoying my writing time until the education system crushed my confidence and ruined it for me. I took AP Language because I wanted to improve my prose and writing while stacking another AP class for college. I still don't understand what happened. My grades in that class were really high and the teacher was a hard grader and unlikely to randomly give points but after taking the national exam, I failed somehow. I felt really good about my response and thought I got a 4 or possibly a 5 if I got lucky with the multiple choice but that ended up being the first AP test that I failed. Since that was the class that I poured most of my effort and energy into, it made me super depressed and I lamented myself for a long time, even dropping out of writing fanfiction. That really hurt me and outside grades, it felt like a personal attack. I'm still a little mad but over it and no longer get overly depressed from that. Maybe my writing is hot garbage after all but I've gotten kudos (basically "likes" on ao3) which meant at least someone else besides me appreciated it. I like doing research, I like looking up synonyms, I like trying something different in my writing, and I like looking up tips. I'm sick of being a people pleaser and always worrying about efficiency, especially when it's online out of place. I just wish it wasn't seen so negatively so I could be more open with it. I'm not very good at explaining myself or communicating. Like I can say I crochet or create programs and nobody bats an eye but if it's fanfiction, it becomes weird. I can even say I journal or write short stories but fanfiction-despite still being writing-is just different apparently. Recently my biggest problem with it is that it's not a productive hobby even though I enjoy it. That voice of self-hatred in my head is yelling at me to stop wasting my time and go study, clean, or work on scholarships. It calls me a freak, asks me why I'm like this, and tells me about how I'm so worthless and weird. For hobbies like crochet, even if it's not helping me towards a future career, it at least makes me seem like a productive person who has things to do and gives me a conversation starter topic. It's like fanfiction is a "wrong" hobby or something. I'm balancing writing fanfiction with studying and other obligations rather well right now but that's probably because school is out for the week. My hyperfixation is sparse and erratic, randomly dying or giving me intense motivation without a pattern. As such, I've stuck to shorter fanfictions and one-shots for the time being so I can at least finish something instead of dropping it midway like I always do. Out of curiosity and if you're still reading so far, any fanfiction writer or reader here? If so, could you share your take on fanfiction or your experiences (especially if you are a writer)?

 

[Yume Nikki]

I've tried writing fanfiction but I feel like I am probably just better at creating ideas rather than putting it on paper. It doesn't help with the horrid memory loss that I can't remember nor am able to think and write as much as I used to anymore. I had to rely on chatgpt for help on names and definitions because I couldn't formulate a coherent story that made sense.

However, I do love fandom stuff and grew up with it as a kid. It was my coping mechanism and I've jumped from one piece of media to another as the years went by. I drew fanart for sherlock bbc, the super mario bros, moomins, etc. and some creepypastas too. The problem is just struggling to bring those ideas to life.

 

[Fish On Land]

I've tried writing fanfiction but I feel like I am probably just better at creating ideas rather than putting it on paper. It doesn't help with the horrid memory loss that I can't remember nor am able to think and write as much as I used to anymore. I had to rely on chatgpt for help on names and definitions because I couldn't formulate a coherent story that made sense.

However, I do love fandom stuff and grew up with it as a kid. It was my coping mechanism and I've jumped from one piece of media to another as the years went by. I drew fanart for sherlock bbc, the super mario bros, moomins, etc. and some creepypastas too. The problem is just struggling to bring those ideas to life.

I've never how hard it was to create scenes and actually sew them coherently until I started fanfiction writing. I totally agree that creating ideas is so much easier. Whenever I daydream, it tends to be the most exciting or interesting part or whatever I feel at the moment but there's like little context and sense of linear time. I don't think about which event happened before another or work out any of the details. I hope even with your memory loss that you can still enjoy fandoms as much as in the past.

 

[http-410]

I also started writing fanfiction last year, so I can relate to a lot of what you describe!

In my best times, daydreaming, research and writing have practically replaced my suicidal tendencies. I wrote excessively to the point of losing myself. I stopped eating, drinking, and taking care of my apartment when I was flowing. It was cathartic, therapeutic, I would even say - in hindsight, I have noticed many parallels in my story that somehow relate to crucial aspects of my life (not exclusively traumatic ones).

Regarding the social aspect, I have told some people about it, but never specifically. When I had to explain to someone what fandoms and fanfiction actually are, I settled for a simple 'I write a story' after that.

Unfortunately, depression and dissociation (or whatever is wrong with me) kicked in months ago and I can hardly concentrate anymore. Sometimes it takes me hours to write a single sentence. And yet I spend hours daydreaming in this fictional world every day.

 

[ColorlessTrees]

Not very articulate today, but I want to respond to this anyway. Hope it's coherent enough.

I'm in an interesting position, I guess, because I write fanfiction that holds much more value to me than 'just fic'; my personal stuff of that nature I do not post, but when I do write more general fan stuff, it's always with intent to explore an idea or topic in a way that isn't commonly associated with the hobby. Or even fandom. Occasionally I will write some indulgent fluff, but it's still grounded in something meaningful to me and written to the best of my ability.

I understand your plight, because it's a minefield of mockery from people on the outside. Fandom is full of insane individuals, absolutely, you have to be a little crazy to be so passionate about something, but that kind of joy can lead to so many great things, written by all walks of life. Many writers, though the demographics are dependent on media of choice, are anything from med students to high achievers to middle aged with kids, etc.
It's wholly considered childish because of what's on the surface, but it doesn't have to be. (And even if the content could be considered such, you're gaining skill in the model of storytelling while also having fun. Both good points in my book.)

Lots of fiction writers started with fanfic or continue to write it. There are even borderline literary works out there, or ones exploring niche topics trad pub wouldn't touch. But because the bar of entry is with zero limitations, people can cherry pick the worst and poke fun at it. I won't deny the amount of crudely written works both of technical nature or content, but they still have a right to be bad, to exist. Someone enjoys them, I'm sure.

I understand the people who may just not be into fanfic as a concept. But it's wrong to say it's trite, childish, holds no value, ruins the original media, or that you should be 'doing something more productive'.

Did you enjoy it? Did you learn something? Then it was productive.

 

[Breebly]

I know you're feeling down, but I got increasingly excited as I read what you were writing bc we have the same brain!! The sensitivity and struggle w controlling emotions, the extreme obsession w editing and then feeling unappreciated for it, the self-doubt about your writing quality, even the no-writing-smut (but I do swear an unfortunate amount); it feels like I could've written your post bc I experience the exact same conflicts as a fanfic writer.

I'm guessing that you're still in high school since you're taking AP tests? Unless you're in the 1%, chances are that for the rest of your life after school, you'll be forced to be productive for some rotten company or boss who won't give a shit if you suddenly drop dead. They'll only care about the workflow getting disrupted, and all that they'll focus on is finding someone to replace you. You have all your life to just be a faceless name and number, so don't stress about fanfic being "unproductive." It is productive bc it brings you joy. That's what matters most. You can't study, clean, or do much of anything if you're miserable, right? Obviously don't let fanfic or any one thing take over your life, but allow yourself the indulgence of writing. It's human to want to create.

I also started writing fanfiction last year, so I can relate to a lot of what you describe!

In my best times, daydreaming, research and writing have practically replaced my suicidal tendencies. I wrote excessively to the point of losing myself. I stopped eating, drinking, and taking care of my apartment when I was flowing. It was cathartic, therapeutic, I would even say - in hindsight, I have noticed many parallels in my story that somehow relate to crucial aspects of my life (not exclusively traumatic ones).

Regarding the social aspect, I have told some people about it, but never specifically. When I had to explain to someone what fandoms and fanfiction actually are, I settled for a simple 'I write a story' after that.

Unfortunately, depression and dissociation (or whatever is wrong with me) kicked in months ago and I can hardly concentrate anymore. Sometimes it takes me hours to write a single sentence. And yet I spend hours daydreaming in this fictional world every day.

This is also so real and relatable, how when things are great, the stories possess you and make you forget your own physical form, but when things are awful, the maladaptive daydreaming kicks in all while the depression makes it impossible to materialize the imaginary world. I too am stuck and have been in a long dry spell where all I can do is dream about the story, and I've dreamt about it so frequently that it's entirely and cleanly laid out in my head. Unfortunately the motivation to put it on paper is nowhere to be found.

 

[galaxid]

Some of the best stuff I've read have been fanfictions. Back in late 2020 early 2021 I spent a solid month and a half trying to sort through every single fanfiction posted for one set of characters in a really popular show. These things were written by teenagers a lot of the time, some of them written by adults. But the best ones were the ones that didn't really stick to canon. When people add their own flair to these things and make it their own, that's the GOOD shit. Its like getting invested into another person's version of a world I already know. Super rad stuff 10/10 would recommend.

Writing it is fun, too. I write about death a LOT (wonder why) but the stuff I've written is like a snapshot of who I was at the time. What I was thinking, how I prioritized certain aspects of storytelling over others. And I have something fun to read when I'm bored. As far as I'm concerned, if you spend hours putting together something you're really proud of, no one can take that accomplishment away from you. Because they sure didn't put in that effort. Even if its unfinished, its more than what a lot of folk are willing to do.

 

[plantbehindme]

oh wow, i'm actually so glad i found this thread

i've written fanfiction too! uhh, but i'm starting to think it was a maladaptive coping strategy

with the current political stuff going on, i've become really hopeless for the future, especially around my parents trump supporters who are immigrants
so instead, i wrote a fix-it fic, i also write really slowly, around two hours for a thousand words i liked
and i was actually writing the fix-it based on the idea that i felt like a lot of power-fantasy, wish fulfillment, super self indulgent stuff had the characters get stuff too easily?
so i made sure that i gave the characters just enough to work with to try clawing out of their situation
while also giving them realistic setbacks that made sense
and i felt like i was really helping someone, being accomplished, even if all i was really doing was tapping some keys on a keyboard
a lot of other people commented on my work too, and was being super enthusiastic about it in general too! it really made me feel like i wanted to live, to suffer, just for them!

it really ate into my time,
but,
when i did that
i procrastinated on a lot of things

including scholarships
and college shit
and grades
and im starting to feel like im heading towards a bad ending
and my mood's been super oscillating
i didn't want to suffer under a future where i was crushed by financial debt and drudgery
so i was considering dying
i'm terrified of my parents
they still keep asking me to sign up for scholarships, even if the deadlines way past some of them
and i almost don't want to admit this, because i'm scared anyone reading this thinks im lying
but, around them, i feel like an entirely different person i dont like, i feel genuinely possessed and compulsed and forced to lie
to hold back about how much i didn't want to go with them, to hold back how much i didn't agree with their religion, to force my face into this strained neutral mask when i hear my dad rave about how much he hated trans people, how he wanted to punch gays, how amazing trump is....
now that i'm typing all this out, it really seems like my reasons for being so terrified of them and hating them for it seem like shit
i know and remember how fear festers unsaid in the mind
fear dies under the gaze of scrutiny
but now that i've dragged it out
i feel stupid
and i wanna just give up and walk away from all this and curl into my phone but i cant that's not possible

they'll still be yelling at me
there's nothing i can do about that

and we have to talk about setting myself up to take a loan from somewhere just to pay off college
and i can't stop thinking about how much i don't know what will happen after that, will i starve, if i get hurt or injured no one's gonna help me i have no finances to cover that, i have no immediate skills yet, how i've fucked myself up by sacrificing a lot of my sleep to brainrot time,
and i can't stop thinking about how much they'll yell at me, how scary it will be, how much im shaking when that happens, how grating and painful their screams sound like, how they really can just kick me out and make my life hell at any moment, how much my chest hurts, crushing the stuff inside, how much im sweating and how hot it is, how my entire world seems to fall away and be nothing but them them them them and their yelling and how the singular concept of shame and regret in my head becomes almost like a sun in the sky glaring, stabbing down hot daggers at me, i can't stop thinking about how CORRECT AND RIGHT AND TRUTHFUL(?) they are when they say that what i did was a bad move, it wasn't the optimal move (a part of my brain is screaming efficiency isn't everything)

but i also didn't want to die, i wanted to be alive, just for the small chance that i could get back to my fic, to work towards that satisfying journey, that satisfying good end i wished to give my characters
to write for the very few people that became interested in my fanfic
even if they number in the dozens
which is objectively a big number
and im realizing that even if that number was like 50 thousand or something
it still wouldn't be that much greater of motivation anyways
because they're not very tangible
it's just another abstraction, only evolved into a little bit more of a solid number
i wish there was someone big i could hug into
that would be a really strong reminder of what to fight for

i'm still really internally debating myself if i was a bad person for doing that, succumbing to "something silly",
i'm wondering what the best move is all the time

if i stop the brainrot, i get almost assaulted by constant negative feelings
i know one solution is to confront them, and cry about it, and hopeful emotionally process it
but in this place i'm stuck in, i don't want to, the brain doesn't want to, but i want to, but i don't want to

like, logically, i should live
emotionally, a part of me wants to live

but emotionally, a part of me just wants to stop.

but that pisses me off.
even just typing that, even just reading that, even just reading that despite the fact that i know i wrote that, i'm getting mad, mad enough to want to do shit against the everything bad that threatens to kill my fanfic, that threatens to make some random internet people out there sad, to make some random internet people that i don't know anything about except that we loved the same thing, that we're in the same tribe. i'm really reminded of the insane mood swinging i have.

so
how do i
keep them in mind
when i'm suffering
i guess

idk theres probably a shit ton of advice that can be told to me, maybe how the hell do loans work and where can i start researching
or maybe just knowledge the someone else has read this
or someone else has the same woes as me (which is already kinda helped by the existence of this thread actually)

 

[galaxid]

oh wow, i'm actually so glad i found this thread

i've written fanfiction too! uhh, but i'm starting to think it was a maladaptive coping strategy

with the current political stuff going on, i've become really hopeless for the future, especially around my parents trump supporters who are immigrants
so instead, i wrote a fix-it fic, i also write really slowly, around two hours for a thousand words i liked
and i was actually writing the fix-it based on the idea that i felt like a lot of power-fantasy, wish fulfillment, super self indulgent stuff had the characters get stuff too easily?
so i made sure that i gave the characters just enough to work with to try clawing out of their situation
while also giving them realistic setbacks that made sense
and i felt like i was really helping someone, being accomplished, even if all i was really doing was tapping some keys on a keyboard
a lot of other people commented on my work too, and was being super enthusiastic about it in general too! it really made me feel like i wanted to live, to suffer, just for them!

it really ate into my time,
but,
when i did that
i procrastinated on a lot of things

including scholarships
and college shit
and grades
and im starting to feel like im heading towards a bad ending
and my mood's been super oscillating
i didn't want to suffer under a future where i was crushed by financial debt and drudgery
so i was considering dying
i'm terrified of my parents
they still keep asking me to sign up for scholarships, even if the deadlines way past some of them
and i almost don't want to admit this, because i'm scared anyone reading this thinks im lying
but, around them, i feel like an entirely different person i dont like, i feel genuinely possessed and compulsed and forced to lie
to hold back about how much i didn't want to go with them, to hold back how much i didn't agree with their religion, to force my face into this strained neutral mask when i hear my dad rave about how much he hated trans people, how he wanted to punch gays, how amazing trump is....
now that i'm typing all this out, it really seems like my reasons for being so terrified of them and hating them for it seem like shit
i know and remember how fear festers unsaid in the mind
fear dies under the gaze of scrutiny
but now that i've dragged it out
i feel stupid
and i wanna just give up and walk away from all this and curl into my phone but i cant that's not possible

they'll still be yelling at me
there's nothing i can do about that

and we have to talk about setting myself up to take a loan from somewhere just to pay off college
and i can't stop thinking about how much i don't know what will happen after that, will i starve, if i get hurt or injured no one's gonna help me i have no finances to cover that, i have no immediate skills yet, how i've fucked myself up by sacrificing a lot of my sleep to brainrot time,
and i can't stop thinking about how much they'll yell at me, how scary it will be, how much im shaking when that happens, how grating and painful their screams sound like, how they really can just kick me out and make my life hell at any moment, how much my chest hurts, crushing the stuff inside, how much im sweating and how hot it is, how my entire world seems to fall away and be nothing but them them them them and their yelling and how the singular concept of shame and regret in my head becomes almost like a sun in the sky glaring, stabbing down hot daggers at me, i can't stop thinking about how CORRECT AND RIGHT AND TRUTHFUL(?) they are when they say that what i did was a bad move, it wasn't the optimal move (a part of my brain is screaming efficiency isn't everything)

but i also didn't want to die, i wanted to be alive, just for the small chance that i could get back to my fic, to work towards that satisfying journey, that satisfying good end i wished to give my characters
to write for the very few people that became interested in my fanfic
even if they number in the dozens
which is objectively a big number
and im realizing that even if that number was like 50 thousand or something
it still wouldn't be that much greater of motivation anyways
because they're not very tangible
it's just another abstraction, only evolved into a little bit more of a solid number
i wish there was someone big i could hug into
that would be a really strong reminder of what to fight for

i'm still really internally debating myself if i was a bad person for doing that, succumbing to "something silly",
i'm wondering what the best move is all the time

if i stop the brainrot, i get almost assaulted by constant negative feelings
i know one solution is to confront them, and cry about it, and hopeful emotionally process it
but in this place i'm stuck in, i don't want to, the brain doesn't want to, but i want to, but i don't want to

like, logically, i should live
emotionally, a part of me wants to live

but emotionally, a part of me just wants to stop.

but that pisses me off.
even just typing that, even just reading that, even just reading that despite the fact that i know i wrote that, i'm getting mad, mad enough to want to do shit against the everything bad that threatens to kill my fanfic, that threatens to make some random internet people out there sad, to make some random internet people that i don't know anything about except that we loved the same thing, that we're in the same tribe. i'm really reminded of the insane mood swinging i have.

so
how do i
keep them in mind
when i'm suffering
i guess

idk theres probably a shit ton of advice that can be told to me, maybe how the hell do loans work and where can i start researching
or maybe just knowledge the someone else has read this
or someone else has the same woes as me (which is already kinda helped by the existence of this thread actually)

Writing fanfiction isn't brainrot and it isn't a waste of time. It might not be wise to write instead of being objectively 'productive' but its a way healthier way of dealing with current events than many alternatives. Writing in this case is a constructive misuse of your time. But if you were gonna spend that time being too anxious to do it anyway, you cut your losses by making something that would not otherwise exist.

I haven't done college stuff in a while, but loans are complicated. If you're concerned about getting kicked out of your place or something, don't take out loans. If you drop out, the loan companies expect to be paid. If you can look into FAFSA (if it even still exists fml) you might qualify for government assistance. If you go the loan route, don't go to a private company if you can manage it. But again, loans are a drain and imo college is great, but not being buried under mountains of debt is greater.

Get an associate's degree. That's 2 years, and you can xfer that to a bachelor's (4 years total, but if you play your cards right, you'll start out as a junior credits-wise, so you'll have another 2 years to go. depends on what classes they accept when u xfer). At the end of the day you could potentially get 2 degrees in the time it takes a lot of people to get 1. Associate's degrees are also lest costly. There are caveats obv but i'd check it out. Also, community colleges, online classes. But if you don't think you're gonna make it through, do not take out loans.

That's my bullshit opinion anyway. Good luck.

 

[maneose]

i'm a huge fan of fanfiction!!! even on days where i can barely do anything, fanfiction has been a way to relieve my stress easily. i tend to keep a big amount of fanfics stored in my mind, and lay down while remembering the story since sometimes i'm not in a reading mood, it's sorta like seeing a movie of it (but half the time i immediately fall asleep after half of it). i started writing fanfic in like middle school, for almost all my hyper-fixations i've written a fic or tons of ideas to write for a fic! starting from highschool i started writing more taboo and intense things, for me being able to express my emotions through these things has been one of the things to keep me going. especially when i'm having an episode or really suicidal reading/writing fics where my favorite character is in a similar situation to me allows me to kinda ground myself, and usually i fall asleep after which prevents me from doing a lot of harm. english is my first language but i've never really understood the rules of grammar and struggle with words, so i almost always just write from my heart and disregard any rules of writing since it seems kinda pointless to me. but from what i see fanfic has slowly gotten more accepted throughout the years, which is amazing to see,!

 

[SecretDissociation]

I write fanfiction too but I lack motivation so it's mostly scribbled ideas! I also am on ao3. I find it amazing how we can take personalities from characters and put them into our own sculpted universe(s). Also, I too used to maladaptively daydream. It was so bad. i would daydream for 7 hours a day, taake characters from any material i was fixated on at the time and just dream then made my own and my own characters. I love fanfiction, fandoms and our writers.

 

[bus catcher]

Normally I'm far too shy to discuss this, but I figured I might as well share here since I don't feel I could anywhere else. I've been an avid reader of fanfiction since I was a young teenager, and many of my favorite stories have come from that community. However, as I've grown older, I've realized that some (not all) of the works I once loved aren't as captivating as I remembered and some have even been deleted, which still saddens me. Deep down, I've always wanted to write fanfiction myself, but I used to be too ashamed to try. Now that I'm pursuing a career as a professional writer and switching my major to English, I'm excited to give it another shot. just for fun and as a creative outlet.

 

[plantbehindme]

Normally I'm far too shy to discuss this, but I figured I might as well share here since I don't feel I could anywhere else. I've been an avid reader of fanfiction since I was a young teenager, and many of my favorite stories have come from that community. However, as I've grown older, I've realized that some (not all) of the works I once loved aren't as captivating as I remembered and some have even been deleted, which still saddens me. Deep down, I've always wanted to write fanfiction myself, but I used to be too ashamed to try. Now that I'm pursuing a career as a professional writer and switching my major to English, I'm excited to give it another shot. just for fun and as a creative outlet.

personally, i think it's just a fact of a growing taste and greater literacy/reading skills

honestly, i think what motivated me to post fanfiction was when i went out there and seen truly atrocious works, like Empress Theresa, then it thought, hey, they've made super duper awful works, at least mine will be better by at least a little bit
and what also motivated me was reading other fanfiction, and reminding myself to pay attention to what mistakes they make, after that, i realized that, yes they made lots of mistakes, but even then, i still super enjoyed the work that they've put out

 

[MindFog]

I've read fanfiction since my early teens and since I'm gay I feel like I'm more prone to beeing sucked into the fandoms that make these.

I'm more of a reader than I writer. I'm scared of showing my work to people. I'm more of fan of rarepairs mostly and wlw fic are usually not that many compared to other categories.

It's been a while since I've read a fic after getting a new job. I should get back to it. Harry Potter ff is still growing to this day surprisingly.


If you're comfortable with it, I would like to read some of your fics. Or atleast I wanna know what fandoms you guys are into?

 

[milkteacrown]

I write fanfiction as well, though not often anymore. It has helped me become much more skilled in my craft in general, which is important, since my goal is to become a published author of my own original fiction. I think fanfiction is a wonderful way of exploring your own creativity and indulging in the media you already enjoy.

 

[Diceroller90]

Since about three years ago, I started writing fanfiction as a way to pass the time. I get hyper-fixated on a single character and can't get them off my mind. I've always been sensitive and struggled to control my own emotions. I keep smiling and almost laughing when looking people in the face which I'm sure gives off a bad impression. I daydream obsessively since I was 5 and like to talk to myself and make up stories. I got really into fanfiction writing and it's been keeping me accompanied rather well. Unfortunately, fanfiction gets a really bad rep so I mostly keep it a secret because I'm self-conscious of what other people think about me. I have never written smut and don't even use swear words. Before I really wanted to publish my works so I did but I was afraid of people judging it which is super dumb because of so many reasons. One, I shouldn't care so much about people, especially someone on the internet. Two, no one expects too much from a random fanfiction online anyway.

Despite this, I was an editing fanatic which drained the fun from the hobby. I'm already a very slow writer who often takes 2-3 hours to write 1.5k words and with constant editing, progress became incredibly slow (I was always falling behind in terms of writing speed for my English class). I worried more about transitioning, description, lengths, and other qualities rather than getting new chapters out and progressing the plot I had planned. I even got tired of it and dropped it for about half a year before returning back just recently. I've attended English schools since I was young but it is still a second language which makes grammar and writing more difficult (thank god for Grammarly to check for past/present tense and spelling). Depression makes me always feel tired and there's always a lot for me to do. I'm one of those high-achieving students (at least I'm in the more advanced classes) so there's a lot of test pressure and classwork. I'm not smart in the slightest so I have to work hard to maintain my grades, especially since I'm planning to major in computer science.

Despite the lack of time and energy, I still write fanfiction even when I should be studying. I feel like writing fanfiction is an uncommon hobby overall, especially for the older or more studious students, and it makes me feel sad. Perhaps I'm wrong and there's more fanfiction writers in my advanced classes who are shy like me or something but I have high doubts. Fanfiction is seen as amateurish writing that's childish, cringy, or dirty which really sucks because it's been encouraging me to self-study some creative writing tips. I fixed some of my common writing flaws and paid more attention to how I write when telling a story. I thought I had improved and was enjoying my writing time until the education system crushed my confidence and ruined it for me.

I took AP Language because I wanted to improve my prose and writing while stacking another AP class for college. I still don't understand what happened. My grades in that class were really high and the teacher was a hard grader and unlikely to randomly give points but after taking the national exam, I failed somehow. I felt really good about my response and thought I got a 4 or possibly a 5 if I got lucky with the multiple choice but that ended up being the first AP test that I failed. Since that was the class that I poured most of my effort and energy into, it made me super depressed and I lamented myself for a long time, even dropping out of writing fanfiction. That really hurt me and outside grades, it felt like a personal attack. I'm still a little mad but over it and no longer get overly depressed from that. Maybe my writing is hot garbage after all but I've gotten kudos (basically "likes" on ao3) which meant at least someone else besides me appreciated it. I like doing research, I like looking up synonyms, I like trying something different in my writing, and I like looking up tips. I'm sick of being a people pleaser and always worrying about efficiency, especially when it's online out of place. I just wish it wasn't seen so negatively so I could be more open with it. I'm not very good at explaining myself or communicating. Like I can say I crochet or create programs and nobody bats an eye but if it's fanfiction, it becomes weird. I can even say I journal or write short stories but fanfiction-despite still being writing-is just different apparently. Recently my biggest problem with it is that it's not a productive hobby even though I enjoy it. That voice of self-hatred in my head is yelling at me to stop wasting my time and go study, clean, or work on scholarships. It calls me a freak, asks me why I'm like this, and tells me about how I'm so worthless and weird. For hobbies like crochet, even if it's not helping me towards a future career, it at least makes me seem like a productive person who has things to do and gives me a conversation starter topic. It's like fanfiction is a "wrong" hobby or something. I'm balancing writing fanfiction with studying and other obligations rather well right now but that's probably because school is out for the week. My hyperfixation is sparse and erratic, randomly dying or giving me intense motivation without a pattern. As such, I've stuck to shorter fanfictions and one-shots for the time being so I can at least finish something instead of dropping it midway like I always do. Out of curiosity and if you're still reading so far, any fanfiction writer or reader here? If so, could you share your take on fanfiction or your experiences (especially if you are a writer)?

I don't like modern schooling. It is too rigid and they expect a certain process to be done. I remember getting a bad grade in English for writing a good interpretation of a book, but it wasn't the "RIGHT" interpretation. So do not take stock in grades. Focus on results, you wrote something and people liked it. You got kudos! There are people out there who like what you write and that is an important thing to know. There is a market for everyone. Sometimes its a big market, sometimes its a small market, but there is a market for every product including your fanfiction. Did you know 50 Shades of Grey was actually fanfiction of fanfiction, and terribly written to boot? Honestly I looked at it, I could not believe it got published never mind made gazillions of dollars.


I am not a fanfiction writer, but I am a writer. I don't know how good. I typically write fantasy (stealing ideas from fiction I do like and rebranding it, so call it semi-fanfiction), philosophy, or sermons. If I could give you advise I would offer you this: creativity is spontaneous. There are times you feel the ideas flow out of you (your hyperfixation) in which case act on it. Have a phone or notepad by you to write down your thoughts.

Second, ideas come from the most unlikely of places. I am currently trying to map out the setting of a fantasy novel (specifically the creation myth/religion) I have been wanting to write. For a long time I felt useless since no matter what I wrote, I just didn't like it. So I discarded my ideas and started from scratch over and over and over again. Then it hit me, why not use what I am experiencing as the myth? Have my whole setting exist in the mind of an eldritch being whose thoughts created the universe and he makes world after world looking for perfection. He finally creates a perfect world, rests, and then one day the world will end when he destroys the whole thing to repeat the process. Now I have my myth, its pretty unique, and I got a potential story hook: maybe the story takes place as he is about to destroy the world and my protagonists need to convince him to keep it around.


Third, do not take criticism internally. Its a fact of life there will be people who hate what you write. I think Dostoevsky is an amazing writer, the best of all time, but I know other people think the best use for his books is as a doorstopper. Nothing you write will appeal to everyone. Instead write for why you want to write and measure your results based on that metric. If I am writing a book for fans of the Transformer series and they like it, then who cares if Joe across the street doesn't like it? If those Transformers fans have criticism though, then I will listen and apply those changes.

 

[LostHighway]

Since about three years ago, I started writing fanfiction as a way to pass the time. I get hyper-fixated on a single character and can't get them off my mind. I've always been sensitive and struggled to control my own emotions. I keep smiling and almost laughing when looking people in the face which I'm sure gives off a bad impression. I daydream obsessively since I was 5 and like to talk to myself and make up stories. I got really into fanfiction writing and it's been keeping me accompanied rather well. Unfortunately, fanfiction gets a really bad rep so I mostly keep it a secret because I'm self-conscious of what other people think about me. I have never written smut and don't even use swear words. Before I really wanted to publish my works so I did but I was afraid of people judging it which is super dumb because of so many reasons. One, I shouldn't care so much about people, especially someone on the internet. Two, no one expects too much from a random fanfiction online anyway. Despite this, I was an editing fanatic which drained the fun from the hobby. I'm already a very slow writer who often takes 2-3 hours to write 1.5k words and with constant editing, progress became incredibly slow (I was always falling behind in terms of writing speed for my English class). I worried more about transitioning, description, lengths, and other qualities rather than getting new chapters out and progressing the plot I had planned. I even got tired of it and dropped it for about half a year before returning back just recently. I've attended English schools since I was young but it is still a second language which makes grammar and writing more difficult (thank god for Grammarly to check for past/present tense and spelling). Depression makes me always feel tired and there's always a lot for me to do. I'm one of those high-achieving students (at least I'm in the more advanced classes) so there's a lot of test pressure and classwork. I'm not smart in the slightest so I have to work hard to maintain my grades, especially since I'm planning to major in computer science. Despite the lack of time and energy, I still write fanfiction even when I should be studying. I feel like writing fanfiction is an uncommon hobby overall, especially for the older or more studious students, and it makes me feel sad. Perhaps I'm wrong and there's more fanfiction writers in my advanced classes who are shy like me or something but I have high doubts. Fanfiction is seen as amateurish writing that's childish, cringy, or dirty which really sucks because it's been encouraging me to self-study some creative writing tips. I fixed some of my common writing flaws and paid more attention to how I write when telling a story. I thought I had improved and was enjoying my writing time until the education system crushed my confidence and ruined it for me. I took AP Language because I wanted to improve my prose and writing while stacking another AP class for college. I still don't understand what happened. My grades in that class were really high and the teacher was a hard grader and unlikely to randomly give points but after taking the national exam, I failed somehow. I felt really good about my response and thought I got a 4 or possibly a 5 if I got lucky with the multiple choice but that ended up being the first AP test that I failed. Since that was the class that I poured most of my effort and energy into, it made me super depressed and I lamented myself for a long time, even dropping out of writing fanfiction. That really hurt me and outside grades, it felt like a personal attack. I'm still a little mad but over it and no longer get overly depressed from that. Maybe my writing is hot garbage after all but I've gotten kudos (basically "likes" on ao3) which meant at least someone else besides me appreciated it. I like doing research, I like looking up synonyms, I like trying something different in my writing, and I like looking up tips. I'm sick of being a people pleaser and always worrying about efficiency, especially when it's online out of place. I just wish it wasn't seen so negatively so I could be more open with it. I'm not very good at explaining myself or communicating. Like I can say I crochet or create programs and nobody bats an eye but if it's fanfiction, it becomes weird. I can even say I journal or write short stories but fanfiction-despite still being writing-is just different apparently. Recently my biggest problem with it is that it's not a productive hobby even though I enjoy it. That voice of self-hatred in my head is yelling at me to stop wasting my time and go study, clean, or work on scholarships. It calls me a freak, asks me why I'm like this, and tells me about how I'm so worthless and weird. For hobbies like crochet, even if it's not helping me towards a future career, it at least makes me seem like a productive person who has things to do and gives me a conversation starter topic. It's like fanfiction is a "wrong" hobby or something. I'm balancing writing fanfiction with studying and other obligations rather well right now but that's probably because school is out for the week. My hyperfixation is sparse and erratic, randomly dying or giving me intense motivation without a pattern. As such, I've stuck to shorter fanfictions and one-shots for the time being so I can at least finish something instead of dropping it midway like I always do. Out of curiosity and if you're still reading so far, any fanfiction writer or reader here? If so, could you share your take on fanfiction or your experiences (especially if you are a writer)?

I don't know anything about fan fiction. I'm curious - what do you write about? It's fantastic that you have such a vivid imagination and have a hobby that you love doing. So many people aren't as fortunate - myself included. Anyway, I"d love to read what you've written if you'd care to share it. Also, you're young and, as you develop as a writer, you will likely go into other forms of writing. So, don't beat yourself up. You're smart and creative with a bright future ahead of you.

 

[versuchskaninchen]

I love fanfic. I used to spend way more time on various sites reading it than I'd care to admit. I still occasionally read it for a few select characters though(arcane,ikevamp,and twst). In HS it kept me sane with marvel and star wars. It let me survive and eventually I wrote it for a short bit. I've since moved onto fanart (though I sometimes do fanart of fic if it grips me enough)
Overall I find it amazing. You're able to write and tell stories with a medium that connects people together who love the same thing. Some of them have stuck with me personally more than traditional writing has. It really can be a life changing read.