Venting Writing a note never feels “right”

[Mooncry]

I know I can't be the only one who's crumpled and thrown away countless suicide notes due to not feeling like they were "good enough." I always end up feeling like I could have said more, or said it all differently… I can never tell what tone I want to go for—sad, pitiful, lighthearted, practical? I don't know why it never feels natural or true to myself. Sometimes it feels too long, sometimes too short. Who should I address in it? What should I leave out?

I know I'm over complicating it and I should just write what comes to me. At the very least, it's gonna have my last wishes and practical instructions on what to do with my belongings, how I want to be disposed of, etc.

I'm trying to work on my "final draft" right now because I'm feeling like CTB is coming soon. I don't have a plan or a set date, but I'm teetering on the edge and I don't want to leave people without some closure.

 

[bankai]

This might sound silly, but are you shredding those notes? You don't want someone to read them by mistake. You may want to type a draft on a software app on your phone like notepad or something.

 

[Mooncry]

This might sound silly, but are you shredding those notes? You don't want someone to read them by mistake. You may want to type a draft on a software app on your phone like notepad or something.

Lol, no you're right, it's not silly. I do write all of my notes out on my phone first. Poor wording on my part, but definitely didn't mean literally crumpling up physical paper. I think I've only done that once and made sure it was thrown away where no one would find it. I agree with u

 

[Hazrakaht]

Wish you the best of luck, I can only imagine that shit sucks. Don't really have anyone around (no family, no friends) to read a note if I left one, so when I go it'll be up for the poor soul that finds me eventually to try to piece together why. Most people I have to be around on a day to day basis (colleagues for example) have no clue I'm suicidal and I probably come across as pretty mentally sound, so I can't really be arsed to explain in a note to people I hardly know why after a lifetime of pain I finally decided to take myself out back.

 

[JesiBel]

I wrote three, threw away two... I left only one in case something happens, I didn't read it again.

I always liked to make things clear so that no one bears the guilt.

But at the same time it makes me angry, all my life I've had to explain myself... when no one has tried to understand me. Sometimes I feel like throwing everything away and disappearing without leaving a single word.

It's hard.

 

[yearofluigi]

I've been working on my note recently and it's been frustrating. I want to write something reassuring for my parents and friends - this isn't your fault, this was inevitable, that sort of thing. But it keeps coming out really insincere. I can't talk honestly about what went wrong with my childhood without guilt-tripping my parents. I can't talk about loneliness without implying that my friends could've done more. And I don't even wanna think about the political optics of talking about how much I hate being trans. If I try to write about those topics without hurting anyone's feelings, I end up with a generic note that an AI could've written. And like you talked about, I can never get the tone quite right. I'm taking this really seriously but I still want it to sound like me, so all my attempts at striking this balance sound either disrespectful or overly formal.

 

[SovietSuicide]

I think I will make a audio recording

 

[Johnrio]

Right now I'm working on writing a "Death Package" in my google drive, a folder keeping things organized, etc. I imagine I'll print out a couple copies, esp if I end up not ctb at home. But the digital organization is there.

One is logistics (financial accounts, info about whether or not I have life insurance, etc), one is "my Will isn't done yet, but here's what it would be", one is "please do X with my remains, if possible," and one is the big long letter of apology. I don't like the big long letter, because it really should be multiple letters to multiple people. But it doesn't need to be that complicated. I also plan on writing a first draft of my obit. I have no idea if that will be helpful to them or not, but I have a creative writing degree, and I have spent a fuck of a lot of time thinking of this stuff, so I might be a good person to start it?

I wish you well and peace with whatever you end up wanting to do.

 

[Kbeau]

Right now I'm working on writing a "Death Package" in my google drive, a folder keeping things organized, etc. I imagine I'll print out a couple copies, esp if I end up not ctb at home. But the digital organization is there.

One is logistics (financial accounts, info about whether or not I have life insurance, etc), one is "my Will isn't done yet, but here's what it would be", one is "please do X with my remains, if possible," and one is the big long letter of apology. I don't like the big long letter, because it really should be multiple letters to multiple people. But it doesn't need to be that complicated. I also plan on writing a first draft of my obit. I have no idea if that will be helpful to them or not, but I have a creative writing degree, and I have spent a fuck of a lot of time thinking of this stuff, so I might be a good person to start it?

I wish you well and peace with whatever you end up wanting to do.

Good for you! Just leaving a suicide note isn't sufficient. You need to make the discovery and transition for everyone (including the police and coroner) as easy as possible with clear information and instructions

 

[AreWeWinning]

I know I can't be the only one who's crumpled and thrown away countless suicide notes due to not feeling like they were "good enough." I always end up feeling like I could have said more, or said it all differently… I can never tell what tone I want to go for—sad, pitiful, lighthearted, practical? I don't know why it never feels natural or true to myself. Sometimes it feels too long, sometimes too short. Who should I address in it? What should I leave out?

I know I'm over complicating it and I should just write what comes to me. At the very least, it's gonna have my last wishes and practical instructions on what to do with my belongings, how I want to be disposed of, etc.

I'm trying to work on my "final draft" right now because I'm feeling like CTB is coming soon. I don't have a plan or a set date, but I'm teetering on the edge and I don't want to leave people without some closure.

I have revised my note at least a hundred times. It's either too short or too long; I either say too much or too little. It's never good enough.

It's getting to a point where I feel like this can potentially hold me back if I can't decide, so I might just write something really short. Like, not really saying anything, just as some kind of formality. "Wasn't happy with my life, decided to end it, blah blah... I'm sorry and wish everyone the best."

I will, however, leave important details and practical information regarding my possessions and assets. But that's a separate thing, nothing emotional.

Whenever I try to write something more, I always become unsure about it. There are several potential problems: (My notes would be only for family members.)

• It can be misinterpreted.
• People will believe what they want to believe anyway, so what's the point...
• If I include kind words towards certain people, how would the ones left out feel?
• I can't be 100% honest. I have issues that I'm ashamed of and don't want to talk about. And if I'm not honest, that's lying. Why lie?

I have read articles and interviews, and people always wish there was a note. But then when there is one, they usually say "oh, if I knew, I would have moved heaven and earth to help". But then guess what! There is a reason why the suicided person didn't share their struggles. Because others either couldn't or wouldn't have helped. If we do or don't share something, there is probably a reason for that, and maybe it's best to leave it that way. What had to be said has already been said. People already know what they should know.

But all in all, I'm just confused, and totally lost, and that's the main problem. So, I'm leaning towards ignoring the issue altogether. That might be the only solution.

 

[Luv (sic)]

I know I can't be the only one who's crumpled and thrown away countless suicide notes due to not feeling like they were "good enough." I always end up feeling like I could have said more, or said it all differently… I can never tell what tone I want to go for—sad, pitiful, lighthearted, practical? I don't know why it never feels natural or true to myself. Sometimes it feels too long, sometimes too short. Who should I address in it? What should I leave out?

I know I'm over complicating it and I should just write what comes to me. At the very least, it's gonna have my last wishes and practical instructions on what to do with my belongings, how I want to be disposed of, etc.

I'm trying to work on my "final draft" right now because I'm feeling like CTB is coming soon. I don't have a plan or a set date, but I'm teetering on the edge and I don't want to leave people without some closure.

Ya your final words to the world shouldnt be a rushed assignment. I wonder what people put down anyways? Maybe how they truely felt? Or maybe what they couldnt achive? Thier wrong doings? Sorrys? I guess everyone is different; personally I would just wish everyone good! Hopefully try to make them smile and compliment them. Honestly wouldnt write about me at all lol. Or maybe Ill just go out without any warnings. After all if someone were to find the letters it would be trouble...