Would you go to a bar by yourself to meet someone?

[Weebster]

It seems uncomfortable. Stepping outside my comfort zone is hard and it's hard for me to react when an attractive woman shows interest which is pretty often. I have low self esteem because of the childhood abuse

I sabotaged past encounters because I felt I didn't deserve to get what I want.

 

[Circles]

I've tried numerous of times going to bars and every time my social anxiety kicks into gear. So I don't know how to be social in such a social environment. It's like impossible to understand how normal people are 'able' to just do it themselves.

 

[Weebster]

I've tried numerous of times going to bars and every time my social anxiety kicks into gear. So I don't know how to be social in such a social environment. It's like impossible to understand how normal people are 'able' to just do it themselves.

Are you a guy or a girl?

 

[Marine]

It is. For me anyway. But can you share some of that "attractive peeple showing interest in you often" with me because I experience the exact opposite and that's taking all of my hope for life away... I didn't think I was that fugly but I guess I must be. So it's not like I'm qualified for giving any advice but since I thought of possibly helful stuff, here you go anyway.

Anyway it's easier if it's a themed bar based on something you're interested in, for instance a gaming bar, where you can have an excuse for interacting with people / are put in a situation where you interact with others during games, meetings, whatever.

In a normal bar I have dreamed of brainwashing myself into just being natural with people and talking with them freely without taking my self perception in consideration at all (might be ruined by my fuglyness or awkwardness but might work otherwise). Maybe start by asking if it's ok to talk to them in a friendly way, just focusing on appreciating other people and not on yourself at all.

Now I've been dying too much to try it out but in some places like associative bars people might be more open to a direct approach and less judgemental overall. Otherwise maybe try to sit / stand next to someone and find an excuse to ask them something then start a conversation.

The point is to try and forget yourself, at least your trauma, past negative experiences, maybe get to a point where you feel decently confortable with yourself if you can but focusing on the place, the experience, and the people more than yourself can help take the anxiety away and make you more natural and friendly.

Hopefully that can help you feel less stressed about it.

 

[Circles]

Are you a guy or a girl?

A guy.

 

[Weebster]

It is. For me anyway. But can you share some of that "attractive peeple showing interest in you often" with me because I experience the exact opposite and that's taking all of my hope for life away... I didn't think I was that fugly but I guess I must be. So it's not like I'm qualified for giving any advice but since I thought of possibly helful stuff, here you go anyway.

Anyway it's easier if it's a themed bar based on something you're interested in, for instance a gaming bar, where you can have an excuse for interacting with people / are put in a situation where you interact with others during games, meetings, whatever.

In a normal bar I have dreamed of brainwashing myself into just being natural with people and talking with them freely without taking my self perception in consideration at all (might be ruined by my fuglyness or awkwardness but might work otherwise). Maybe start by asking if it's ok to talk to them in a friendly way, just focusing on appreciating other people and not on yourself at all.

Now I've been dying too much to try it out but in some places like associative bars people might be more open to a direct approach and less judgemental overall. Otherwise maybe try to sit / stand next to someone and find an excuse to ask them something then start a conversation.

The point is to try and forget yourself, at least your trauma, past negative experiences, maybe get to a point where you feel decently confortable with yourself if you can but focusing on the place, the experience, and the people more than yourself can help take the anxiety away and make you more natural and friendly.

Hopefully that can help you feel less stressed about it.

Thanks. I suppose what I can do is swivel my head around and see if any woman is checking me out. Then approach

A guy.

Ok. Did anyone notice you? Any woman eye you?

 

[NothingElseMatters]

if i had a date, i would certainly go, but if you mean go to a bar to meet some random girl there, i wouldn't, due to my past experiences, the chances i have luck there are pretty low.

 

[Weebster]

if i had a date, i would certainly go, but if you mean go to a bar to meet some random girl there, i wouldn't, due to my past experiences, the chances i have luck there are pretty low.

People meet random people though right? I can't think of anywhere else to do that in this antisocial society.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

If it was pre-arranged then maybe but otherwise no. The kind of girl I might like probably wouldn't be in a bar randomly at all in the first place nor would she be interested in meeting me anyway,

 

[Marine]

Thanks. I suppose what I can do is swivel my head around and see if any woman is checking me out. Then approach

Ok. Did anyone notice you? Any woman eye you?

No problem. I don't think you need her checking you out necessarily. She might not have noticed you or be shy. I know I have a stupid tendency of being intimidated by attractive people... Hence the not focusing on myself. But I would be glad if they approached me even randomly.

 

[motel rooms]

Why else do people go to gay bars?

 

[whatevs]

Sounds like a great way to re-stock on suicide fuel.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

If I pre-gamed and was tipsy I could probably do it, but if not, those first few sober brews alone would be pretty brutal. I can only stare at my phone while pretending I'm waiting for someone for so long. Once I'm drunk I can make friends with anyone though.

 

[deleted]

Yes but not to meet other guys this is a bit gay, most bars have people older than me so i feel a little uncomfortable and if i want to meet any girl she needs to be younger than me so 18 and under, today i'm going to do it wish me luck

 

[Weebster]

No problem. I don't think you need her checking you out necessarily. She might not have noticed you or be shy. I know I have a stupid tendency of being intimidated by attractive people... Hence the not focusing on myself. But I would be glad if they approached me even randomly.

Now that I think of it I don't know what to say. I can talk to cashier girls well

If I pre-gamed and was tipsy I could probably do it, but if not, those first few sober brews alone would be pretty brutal. I can only stare at my phone while pretending I'm waiting for someone for so long. Once I'm drunk I can make friends with anyone though.

I remember at University that I sat alone once in the cafeteria place and was so self conscious. It was unbearable.

 

[lofticries]

I don't drink but even if I did, no. I'm extremely awkward in social settings. Also just waiting for someone to approach me sounds boring and bit soul crushing if no one does.

 

[gottablast888]

must be nice to have attractive women show interest in you

 

[Weebster]

must be nice to have attractive women show interest in you

It is

 

[Lost Magic]

No.1 I wouldn't go to a bar
No.2 I wouldn't hook up at a bar
No.3 I don't want to date anyway, because I am suicidal.

 

[Weebster]

No.1 I wouldn't go to a bar
No.2 I wouldn't hook up at a bar
No.3 I don't want to date anyway, because I am suicidal.

Why not a bar? Where would you meet someone if you weren't suicidal? I drive around and the only options are cashier girls, which rarely leads to anything.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

The female janitor at my apartment complex just asked if I wanted to smoke and chill with her.

I said "no, I don't like high maintenance women."

 

[Manaaja]

I don't really drink alcohol, so no I wouldn't.

And I'd be too shy to go by myself.

 

[Weebster]

The female janitor at my apartment complex just asked if I wanted to smoke and chill with her.

I said "no, I don't like high maintenance women."

Was she hot? Did you boink her in the storage closet?

 

[Symbiote]

Yes. I learned how to dance, not give a fuck, and know when to say no to something. Lot of people at bar try to take advantage of you or try to be your friend when they're going to use you in the end for free drinks or free tickets to whatever concert the club is having. I respect the club dancers, they became club friends later on.

 

[Weebster]

Yes. I learned how to dance, not give a fuck, and know when to say no to something. Lot of people at bar try to take advantage of you or try to be your friend when they're going to use you in the end for free drinks or free tickets to whatever concert the club is having. I respect the club dancers, they became club friends later on.

How do I recognize the users?

 

[Symbiote]

How do I recognize the users?

They cling to you when they want something, and when they don't, they'll avoid you like the plague.

 

[Weebster]

They cling to you when they want something, and when they don't, they'll avoid you like the plague.

How do i tell the friendly girl looking for sex apart from the user?

 

[Symbiote]

Don't go to the bar or club looking for sex, that's one way to leave being disappointed and it's not fun.

 

[Weebster]

Don't go to the bar or club looking for sex, that's one way to leave being disappointed and it's not fun.

So I won't meet a girl who will be down to go to a hotel or her place? I'm good looking though.

 

[motel rooms]

So I won't meet a girl who will be down to go to a hotel or her place? I'm good looking though.

No. If you're good-looking, switch teams. We're always recruiting & someone is always down to go down on you.