Like if you can get N anytime easily. Would you immediately ctb or try to do something else?
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If it was a month ago I would. Things have gotten a little better now but I still would like to have control over how I am going to die and I think everyone should. If I had died last month and I could and I somehow regret it, I don't think I would regret it.
RedRed
Member
- Oct 24, 2020
- 93
Unfortunately I can't :')
My fam is here in the same house. Can't have them see my blue corpse
ahahaha maybe after a year or two ^^If I had a gun I would 100% ctb right this very second. I have sn but it's not fast acting enough and I imagine vomiting/convulsions would be noisy while I could still be saved, and my house has thin walls.I was going to hang myself today. I had the rope around my neck but I could'nt do it. I fkn hate myself for that. I want to be gone before saturday. Hope to get another chance to do it because I can't deal with this fkn life.
It seems so easy, but as someone with quite a few guns that would do the job, it still has to be the right time.
lobster salad
overcooked :(
- Aug 27, 2020
- 251
Well I don't know for sure, because realistically the survival instinct is still sitting there waiting to haunt me when I do it. But I think if I had sn or n with me here now, I would drink it, or at least try to. And very soon too.
DetachedDreamer97
Enlightened
- Mar 17, 2018
- 1,402
As much as I'd wish to say yes, my emotions would hold me back and make me hesitant on completing the final act.
Yeah you're probably right. After my dad ctb my mom bought a gun in August and didn't ctb herself until December and I KNOW she never stopped wanting toThere's a thread on here about someone who rigged a nitrogen tank to a scuba mask. Said he took 3 breaths and was completely out. It was a test run, so he didn't have the mask strapped on. That seems even better than a gun. If I used that method, I would try to stay up for a couple days beforehand, over 48 hours for sure. Then just put the mask on, open the valve and go to sleep. I know it's basically a version of an exit bag, but seems better as people use scuba masks to survive in deep-ish water. Once it's on, it has a perfect seal and is not coming off.
I'm sorry you lost your mom. I was there when my mom died, and it was the hardest thing I went through in my life. She's part of the reason I'm going to ctb myself - not because she's gone, but because of how she left.No. Though I keep thinking tonight that it would be my absolute dream to be in possession of an N that doesn't expire.
bov
Arcanist
- Aug 26, 2020
- 405
I don't think it qualifies as peaceful, but done right, it is instant and (probably) painless.
bov
Arcanist
- Aug 26, 2020
- 405
Dr Iron Arc
Into the Unknown
- Feb 10, 2020
- 21,408
Nah, I still have stuff to do/experience surprisingly enough. I should get my fill in about two years though...
If all I had to do was swallow a pill and I'd peacefully go to sleep and not wake up. I'd take it almost immediately. As in I'd take a day or two to get stuff in order like notes, and spending time with them. Then I'd send a delayed text to suicide hotline and friend saying I'm ctb that tells them to call the police. This way my family don't walk into my room expecting to see me and then see me dead.
muffin222
Enlightened
- Mar 31, 2020
- 1,187
NodusTollens
☾
- Nov 17, 2020
- 989
Literally, the same. I'm renting a basement, the other tenant's bedroom is above mine. &guns aren't easily accessible in my country either.
EDIT: Spelling/Grammar
HelloHell
Arcanist
- Dec 26, 2019
- 443
For me it doesnt even need to be N. SN is peaceful enough for me and i would absolutely ctb if have access to it
W’ren
Worthless
- Oct 28, 2020
- 557
Ask me tonight: i really think so, despite the fact that my will etc is not prepared. My dog is looked after- i set that up- that's all that matters.
Ask me yesterday: not yet but i will. Because almost nothing is prepared. Just my dog's home...
Ask me tomorrow: could be yes... or still not yet... but i will. I feel like an out of control train on fire headed towards a canyon where the bridge is out. I'm a broken wreck- there's no saving me.
Fragile
Broken
- Jul 7, 2019
- 1,496
I have one, and it became my reason to hold on, like a safety net that's always there in case things turn even more unbearable.
But if I'm being honest, not a day goes by without me considering the idea of drinking it all and be done with it, the urge to just book a hotel room and end it peacefully, like I had planned before covid got in the way is really driving me crazy lately.
Just one last year, I wonder if I'm strong enough.
_Kaira_
This Isn't Fine
- Oct 2, 2020
- 825
If I had something like SN and all the other stuff that needs to be taken with it for sure, I would.It was easy and simple I would already be gone since a couple of months. The chances of failure is what scares me out. I know my life will be more peaceful if dead.
Nymph
he/him
- Jul 15, 2020
- 2,561
Not immediately, I have a bunny I don't know what to do
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