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Yeah, like people say "everyone is going through some shit"... But there's no way most people are as crushed by the smallest things as I am. Stress brings me to my knees. Anxiety makes me quit so easily.
Yes i totally get that, i get that lots of people are struggling ATM but I feel if they are they must be handling it better than I am. I look for a way to accidentally (for life insurance purposes) every single day because I just can't see a way out of the hole I've dug myself over the years.
My brain wants me gone. There really is no health regime or anything I could do that would interfere with this self-destructive desire. If I had money I would merely sabotage myself faster. I would burn the paper of my life from both ends as fast as I possibly could. This is not normal. I have seen people I admire and respect battle depression and live fairly normally, with a bit more weakness and sensitivity perhaps.
I feel jealous about people who are doing better than me im not the type of person that will wish bad things on other people but i do feel jealous
I think more than any of that I just wish I was bloody stable. But the emotionally stable + intelligence combo would be fking great. Height wouldn't matter much from there, but it would help to fit in.
for me I could never be emotionally stable and fulfilled without intelligence, ive always had extremely ambitious goals and I have only recently come to realize I dont have the mental capacity to ever achieve them... so now I want to die
Fking hell do I relate to this. Hitting that wall of "oh shit, I'm actually at my limit when trying to achieve that. My potential really isn't there, no matter what anyone else says". Maybe we arrived at this from different thinking patterns. I do know that I am very sensitive to the fact that I have to put in more effort for minimal results that others can achieve fairly easily.
I arrived at the conclusion that I wasnt smart from a life of observing that the average person outperformed me in all tasks from intellectual to physical and then finding out about my brain damage.
Haha I'm jealous of those with n. But I'm fairly happy with my sn as well
Why isn't it achievable for you to settle for less? If you don't mind me asking.
Oh brain damage from an accident? Sorry if this is insensitive. Feel free not to answer.
I was happy with my SN, but I've caught the N-bug and now I cannot stop thinking about it. I'm perfectionist and somehow not going with the best method available is daunting.
no its ok it wasnt insensitive, I like being pitied lol. Its from prenatal drug/alcohol exposure
I relate to your worries, I dont know what my method will be yet but SN or N is what I will look into first
Such a thing makes me grimace out of despair. Not even in the world yet, and already being set behind the pack from uncontrollable circumstance. But I guess none of us get to choose, so it is a luck of the draw. And most draws fucking suck!
I agree its all so unfair, I dont see success or failure in life as a choice but something that genes and environment one is born into decide. Mother nature is such an unfair toxic bitch, and if an all powerful all knowing god exists they are most certainly an evil sadistic bitch
