Women of SaSu: When did you first see males as a threat?

[SchizoPolyGymnast]

Disclaimer: Men can be victims, and women can be perpetrators. There are so many nuances to this conversation, and I could take up dozens of posts talking about each one. In this post, however, I want to focus on those of us born female living in a society where violence by men, especially sexual violence, is prevalent. If you guys are interested, I'd be more than happy to do a post about male victims and/or female perpetrators.

So...

I've been afraid of men for as long as I can remember. Not random men walking down the street. Not daddy. Not my uncles or cousins. But I grew up in the era of stranger danger and I also lived in a household where shows like Cold Case Files and Law and Order were constantly playing. I remember being four and just...not wanting anything to do with men or boys. Even though I was a daddy's girl. Neither of my parents ever specified a gender when they told me strangers were bad. But I knew, deep down, without verbalizing it, without having to be told, that the real danger was men. I knew that if I was in the park and I approached a stranger, if the stranger was a mom pushing a baby stroller, it wouldn't have been a huge deal. If the stranger was a man standing alone at the edge of the park? Totally different story.

To be fair, young boys are also at risk of being overpowered by men. Adam Walsh and the victims of Westley Alan Dodd are prime examples. They also are taught stranger danger for their safety. But since I am female, I am focused on how it feels to be female and to perceive men.

The fear of men takes on a different dimension when you hit puberty. By now, I have interacted with a lot of males and have a certain comfort level with them. But now that I'm in puberty, I have a large pool of men seeing me as a potential sex partner. And now I can get pregnant. I was 11 when I first thought of what I would do if I were raped and got pregnant. And I was a minor in a rural state run by Republicans. Eleven. That's just wrong.

I'll close with a poem.

I remember being tiny
I was nonverbal then
I could sit under the tree
Just stay away from men

I came home after school
Watched TV in the den
But if someone knocks, you hide,
And stay away from men

I rode my bike downhill,
Picked cattails round the bend
My parents trust my friends
But stay away from men

My dad gave me an email
MySpace was hot back then
Play flash games with Hermoine
Just stay away from men

I realized I love parties
Hey there, how you been
I can dress the way I want
Just stay away from men

I'm home alone at night
Said 'I love you' to my kin
Lock the door and put your hood up
And stay away from men

I just got out of work
My mom needs me at ten
Dimly lit and dark and empty
Please stay away from men

 

[LaetumCat]

I was always a very girly girl, you know, the type to wear princess dresses and play with barbies, so I never much interacted with boys... I guess around 6 or so when I started elementary school, I started being scared of them. Two boys were "bullying" me (maybe bully is too strong of a word, they made fun of me when I didn't understand stuff and laughed at me). All through my elementary school boys would make fun of me verbally, so I just never talked to them because well... Why would I?
When I was like, 12 or so, I was pretty scared of boys, being in middle school and realising how many guys were actually pretty cruel, so I just hung out with girls.
At 13, I found an online friend on Instagram, a boy, and honestly I wanted to stop talking to him after I found out he was a boy (a few days after meeting him), but I decided to face my fear and continue talking to him. Even actually, I started talking to more boys, even irl, so by 15 I was completely okay with them. Of course, I still preferred talking to girls, but I didn't mind boys anymore.
Ah, I forgot to mention, I do have a younger brother, so, he was the only boy who I didn't mind growing up.

I'm now completely okay with talking to men, however I still talk to women more because I share more interests with them :3

 

[idfwlnh]

Because of my ignorance of the internet when I was 7, I was being followed and spammed nudes by a perverted guy although I blocked him many times he just appears again asking me to send the same contents and ask me to be his sister bcs I was "cute". Then a classmate of mine is just kinda step over the bound and keep being real close to me in terms of...distance, touching my body, then also a senior...Then I'm scared of them. Until now, I still havent completely overcome my fear towards men

 

[ironrain]

Never. Men should be scared of me, lol.

But if seriously, I've always been so reserved and serious, that no one dared to even approach me. I guess ny resting bitch face makes me look like I'm contemplating murder so... Yeah, I've never thought of men specifically as a threat. For me it's always been "there are bad people out there", but not gendered. I've only recently intellectually realised this and even now I'm meh well, it is what it is. Men are dangerous but it's life I guess...

 

[Forever Sleep]

My Grandma did the bulk of my raising in early childhood and she was very protective. She would be very nervous about me walking home in the dark. It wasn't specifically men she warned me about. Just a more random threat that you're likely to be attacked then. I suppose I knew it was men she was likely talking about though. It wasn't even a particularly dangerous area either. I think maybe she may have been a pessimist- like me.

Thinking about it though- even with a male neighbour, she was obvioulsy protective- to the extent that I noticed it. As it happens- he was just a really lovely man who always wanted to have children but, never did. I don't blame her though. I think children are most often abused by people in the family or, friends of the family. Better to be over protective I think- rather than too trusting or neglectful.

She definitely gave me the sense early on that men were untrustworthy. Even refering to her own husband- who again was a lovely, honest man. She said- if a woman claimed she'd had an affair with him, she'd defend him publicly but, still check up on him!

She definitely gave the impression/ warning that a lot of guys were only after sex. And- she wasn't entirely wrong about that. Just, not with me- thankfully really.

By ages 14, 16+ I began to witness for myself- that there were dodgy men in the world. Not all that many instances- thankfully but still, one or two. Either towards me or, witnessing them behaving in a threatening manner towards other women. I think there have been maybe at least 9 times I was either afraid for my own safety or, that of someone else.