Wishing my anorexia would kill me

[suicidalcatlady]

I know that starvation is a slow, painful way to die. But I know people in the eating disorder community that've just died in their sleep from heart attacks or low blood sugar. I wish it could be me. I'm tempted to try and just relapse and leave treatment but my body is so fucking resilient. I regularly tell people I'm a human cockroach. I've survived 5 attempts and severe longterm anorexia. Plus even when my anorexia was extremely severe I didn't end up having organ failure or anything of the sort like others did despite me doing the same behaviors and being at the same critically low weight.

 

[LittleMagician]

I know that starvation is a slow, painful way to die. But I know people in the eating disorder community that've just died in their sleep from heart attacks or low blood sugar. I wish it could be me. I'm tempted to try and just relapse and leave treatment but my body is so fucking resilient. I regularly tell people I'm a human cockroach. I've survived 5 attempts and severe longterm anorexia. Plus even when my anorexia was extremely severe I didn't end up having organ failure or anything of the sort like others did despite me doing the same behaviors and being at the same critically low weight.

Yeah same I hope my eating disorder kills me but I know it won't

 

[SecretDissociation]

I wish my eating disorder would take me out too. I'm bulimic, and I really wish that my little chest pain or heartburn is my heart dying. I hope that my stomach pain is something life-threatening. But yeah, it won't. Contrary to what people believe, human beings are hella resilient, and it loves a good fight against eating disorders TT

 

[opheliaoveragain]

right there with you three. the body is ridiculously good at staying alive.

 

[liverhood]

i'm no specialist, but both heart attacks and low body sugar seem like things you can cultivate beyond just eating too little. insulin, for one, if you can get your hands on it. maybe a final little push is all that's required for you to move on?

 

[thebelljarrr]

I understand you so much. It's real that sometimes the body just refuses to stop even when the signs tell otherwise. Many times I go to sleep believing I would not wake up and say that this is it finally! But here I'm with you.

 

[zombiegirl]

I know that starvation is a slow, painful way to die. But I know people in the eating disorder community that've just died in their sleep from heart attacks or low blood sugar. I wish it could be me. I'm tempted to try and just relapse and leave treatment but my body is so fucking resilient. I regularly tell people I'm a human cockroach. I've survived 5 attempts and severe longterm anorexia. Plus even when my anorexia was extremely severe I didn't end up having organ failure or anything of the sort like others did despite me doing the same behaviors and being at the same critically low weight.

how old are you? considering what youve been through, it all might show up randomly one day when youre in your 40s or something. when youre young, your body has the strength to stave off death. but when you get older, shit will catch up to you pretty fast