Every day I wish and pray he'd drop dead. He's the reason my life is so fucked up. I'm not religious but I still pray for him to leave. I would never be able to do the job myself. I don't have it in me to hurt people but I honestly wish I could.
He's hospitalized now but seems to have gotten better unfortunately. I wish he'd get worse and never come back. Just as he started getting better the abuse started again though he can only do so on the phone.
Just thinking about him coming home again makes me anxious like I'm about to have a panic attack. 3 days before he was hospitalized I planned to CTB because I couldn't stand having to be around him anymore. I wasn't able to because some family members came over that night. I do plan to eventually end my life but I don't think I'm ready yet. If he comes back I don't think I'll be able to keep on living.
He's hospitalized now but seems to have gotten better unfortunately. I wish he'd get worse and never come back. Just as he started getting better the abuse started again though he can only do so on the phone.
Just thinking about him coming home again makes me anxious like I'm about to have a panic attack. 3 days before he was hospitalized I planned to CTB because I couldn't stand having to be around him anymore. I wasn't able to because some family members came over that night. I do plan to eventually end my life but I don't think I'm ready yet. If he comes back I don't think I'll be able to keep on living.
