interna
Gone Tomorrow, Here Today
- Dec 1, 2025
- 264
im tired of wasting my days and hours in pointless arguments or fights with the people i love. i don't want to undermine their feelings and motives to be angry at me at all this isn't some cheap cop-out to avoid taking responsibility for what i might've done to upset someone or something im just overwhelmed
although it's not in my control, i logically want my last week to go by smoothly. doesn't seem like it's something that'll happen. fights w friends, w family, ugly behavior from both me and loved ones, in the case of family mistreatment of one another for no reason other than habit;
i feel so guilty too cuz i know my loved ones are, obviously, gonna feel bad about themselves once i kill myself. i dont want my death to be chalked up to Caused By An Argument. its not!! its not that at all!! arguments are part of life and relationships but god i wish they weren't taking place my literal last days of life...... i dont want anyone to feel like they had a say or played a part in my decision to kill myself. selfishly, i see this as MY moment. i dont want my autonomy overlooked even in death. Ack,,,.... its not anyone's to reclaim. i don't want anyone making themselves the reason i died. it's not like that. im afraid they'll do that...
sigh. but such is life. people die with regrets all the time. i need to make peace with this i guess..... very basic sentiment expressed here and im aware ive said Nothing new (or of essence for that matter), but i had a fight w my friend and needed to vent
although it's not in my control, i logically want my last week to go by smoothly. doesn't seem like it's something that'll happen. fights w friends, w family, ugly behavior from both me and loved ones, in the case of family mistreatment of one another for no reason other than habit;
i feel so guilty too cuz i know my loved ones are, obviously, gonna feel bad about themselves once i kill myself. i dont want my death to be chalked up to Caused By An Argument. its not!! its not that at all!! arguments are part of life and relationships but god i wish they weren't taking place my literal last days of life...... i dont want anyone to feel like they had a say or played a part in my decision to kill myself. selfishly, i see this as MY moment. i dont want my autonomy overlooked even in death. Ack,,,.... its not anyone's to reclaim. i don't want anyone making themselves the reason i died. it's not like that. im afraid they'll do that...
sigh. but such is life. people die with regrets all the time. i need to make peace with this i guess..... very basic sentiment expressed here and im aware ive said Nothing new (or of essence for that matter), but i had a fight w my friend and needed to vent
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