Venting Wise words from my mother

[Zvetok26]

"I'm glad I didn't send you to a psychiatric ward back then. You would have just learned to run there at the slightest thing and become dependent on it. And at 18, it's probably normal to self-harm, you're still immature at that age. And look: I was right; look at yourself today, you've gotten over it. You know, they shape people so much in the psych ward that you don't even recognize them anymore."

Those were the wonderful words my mother said to me today. No, Mom, I'm not over it. Not at all. I've just learned to mask really really well because I couldn't stand your comments back then about how immature and sensitive I was. Oh, and dramatic.
I still remember, when I was 17 and she said to me, how silly my self-harm is because she had such a rough childhood herself and she would've never ever thought about hurting herself. She then sighed and said "that must be the genes of your dad. They all are crazy on his family side." Even today she mentioned how proud she is that finally her genes in me won and I stopped being so silly (aka self-harming)

I've been cutting myself since I was 16, have had concrete suicidal thoughts since I was 11. Before that I've always wanted to "disappear" and had regular outburst beating myself. My lovely mother ignored those, she would walk out of the room pretending nothing was happening. But sure, I'll "grow out of it"…why the hell didn't you want to help me? "Personal responsibility" or what? I was a teenager—I had hope back then that I'd be saved. But there was no one there. Never.

And I hate the idea that I'm still "immature." I'm ashamed that I could use help both then and now. I'm slowly dragging myself forward, and I hope I can manage to build myself a quiet little place. I really want to get away from here.

I'm feeling so sad and overwhelmed right now. And lonely, yeah, that's the right word.

 

[Lostandlooking]

Your mother sound like a bad parent and an awful human being. You're not too sensitive, immature or dramatic about anything. It's not normal to self harm. It means you are hurting and have been hurt too much. Any person with a shred of empathy would see that. I wish you didn't need to mask and hide the pain. We all deserve to be seen, heard and acknowledged in what hurt us. I hope you can get away and find that quiet little place.

 

[Kamaainakupua]

-

 

[Bikishii]

With all due respect, fuck your mom. Those are awful things to say to your child no matter their age. When I tried to CTB at 14 and got put in the psych ward, my mother's first words upon visiting me weren't "hello" or "oh my god, I'm so happy to see you." No, it was "told you you'd live." Maybe she couldn't cope with the thought of her kid wanting to die and it was emotionally painful to her, so for some reason that's how her mind decided to react to it. Doesn't make it okay in the slightest. It's been a long time since then and it still sits in my mind and heart.

They really don't fathom just how hard their words can hit, especially considering that they're our parent instead of just some random asswipe. Or they can fathom it and just don't care for whatever reason. I'm sorry your mom said that to you, OP. I deal with feelings of "immaturity" despite paying for my own place and living on my own, it's still not enough whether I still do or don't hear any of my parents saying it. Maybe they think being shitty like that will do you some good, "build character" like dads always like to say. I'm sending you a hug from across cyberspace, stranger.

 

[whywere]

Your "mom" is NOT human, but a extremely narrow minded, cruel and ever so disconnected being.

My "parents" were HORRIBLE PERIOD and reading your post was a HUGE slap in my face that what you have is downright HORRIBLE and it breaks my heart so darn much.

You are a thoughtfully kind, caring and giving soul and to have to not only put up with this BUT hear it is beyond comprehension.

Get the HELL away and stay away, if you can, such NEGATIVE and backward thinking.

You are TOO GOOD to have to put up with such B.S.

Hugs and kind thoughts to you, my good friend.

Walter

 

[squiddedoutt]

Those were the wonderful words my mother said to me today. No, Mom, I'm not over it. Not at all. I've just learned to mask really really well because I couldn't stand your comments back then about how immature and sensitive I was.

I feel ya, parents always fitting things into their own nice little narrative. It hurts even more when they use something you actually do to avoid being hurt by them... and when you can't really say that fact...

I still remember, when I was 17 and she said to me, how silly my self-harm is because she had such a rough childhood herself and she would've never ever thought about hurting herself. She then sighed and said "that must be the genes of your dad. They all are crazy on his family side." Even today she mentioned how proud she is that finally her genes in me won and I stopped being so silly (aka self-harming)

ah *ahem*, back in my day...
deflecting too
and the random bullshit statements/reasoning

And I hate the idea that I'm still "immature." I'm ashamed that I could use help both then and now. I'm slowly dragging myself forward, and I hope I can manage to build myself a quiet little place. I really want to get away from here.

I know these words may not do much, and I know myself that parents' words get special access to their children's hearts- to either build nice people or fucking wreck the place- so reasoning doesn't really make their words hurt less. But, you're not immature in a lot of people's eyes. Not mine atleast, probably not most people's here atleast. Immature is really just a thing parents say when they can't give a 'logical' reason not to do something. I also don't think you're any worse for wanting or needing help.
I don't know your situation, but I hope you can get out on your own soon and further from your parent's (or parents') influence.

I also hope you're feeling less sad and overwhelmed now <3

 

[Pluto]

 

[whywere]

OUTSTANDING!!!

Walter