Will your suicide be a surprise?

[Cant go back]

Do your loved ones know you want to ctb, or will it be a complete shock to them?

 

[NearlyIrrelevantCake]

I've made attempts to CTB for almost 20 years. I've been on-and-off psych meds for just as long.

In the big picture, it won't surprise them because of my history. On the other hand, it will come as a surprise because I show no signs of my mental health worsening now. I'm calmly and rationally collecting information so I can CTB on my own terms, at my own time.

 

[suisuiforum]

I can tell that many people I've known throughout the years think that I've had an ideal life and upbringing when that couldn't be further from the truth. No one in my real life knows anything about my desire to die, so it'll come as a big shock to everyone if/when I CTB. A bunch of people I talk to online know that I have mental issues, but I don't know if they think I'll actually do it.

 

[OnlyTheWind]

To most of them. There will be some people who won't be as surprised because they know about my desire to die.

 

[Sebuet]

Not to anyone who listened.

 

[W’ren]

I've got a long history of attempts so to many, no, it won't be a surprise.

BUT

It always seems that people think that if i'm not saying out loud constantly every day "i'm so down" or "i wish i was dead" that those things aren't true when really all that's happened is i shut up about it all.

I took my desire to ctb and my deep depression underground where no one but people who have zero clue who i am get to read about it. Aren't you folks lucky? Haha.

Apparently, around here, if i smile and laugh every so often it means i'm cured. Who knew?

So… the ones who are ostriches, they will be surprised. I actually can't think of anyone right now who knows me who is aware of how suicidal i truly am.

I'm here until my dog is no longer here. Then i can go- let them be shocked.

 

[one.way.out]

No. I've attempted before. It got around cause of gossip, so plenty of people know. I think they believe I'm doing it for attention though. So they'll either think "holy shit, she actually meant it," or think it was for attention, gone too far.

 

[Sslsh]

My mom is kind of suicidal too. And she knows that I'm suicidal. So it won't exactly be a big shock to her, although she'll more than likely follow me in a few days after I go. And she's the only person I care about.

 

[everydayiloveyou]

Yes, at first. But not if they think about my life a bit more.

Only my family will know, they're the only people who talk to me and I plan to stop going to therapy/work before doing it.

 

[RevolutionaryRed]

I attempted in 2018. Not much as change since then except I'm older. My eventual suicide will not be a surprise. I'll be quickly forgotten

 

[StevieNixs]

No. My mother keeps asking me why I'm giving my things away to charity stores. She keeps jumping on and mishearing every sentence I say
e.g Me - "I won't be at home in the afternoon if you ring, I'm going to the supermarket"
Mother"What did you just say? You won't be here anymore?"

 

[Adamsnolife]

Yes. I'm not telling anybody I'm doing it so it'll be a surprise to anyone.

 

[again_noidea]

not really, everybody in my vicinity knows that i want to ctb

 

[ClownMe]

Family: no

Workmates/people ive met in everyday life: yes

 

[OnlyTheWind]

Family: no

Workmates/people ive met in everyday life: yes

I think my manager will have a heart attack. They really believe that I'm normal, not to mention I'm their only reliable employee. This will hurt them, but I have no choice.

 

[ClownMe]

I think my manager will have a heart attack. They really believe that I'm normal, not to mention I'm their only reliable employee. This will hurt them, but I have no choice.

It sucks that we have to hide how we really feel in everyday life just to survive and earn a living.

 

[A_miStake_of_NATURE]

Probably. I don't think they believe that I will. Hopefully, it won't be a complete surprise.
But the worst thing about it is that they're probably going to blame me or something. Maybe not. Or maybe they're just gonna have another proof of how weak I was.

 

[TriggerHappy]

They won't be surprised. They even know how :: they just don't want the trouble, they kinda over my crap. They don't ask how I am cos they know i'll lie.
Maybe impressed by my cunning planning and attention to detail!
♡ I plan one last motherfucker counterstrike before I'm gone.
♧ A respectful bow with a fuck you glint in the corner of my eye and a go-fuck-yourselves crease in the corner of my mouth.

Or maybe they're just gonna have another proof of how weak I was.

Seriously? Where's that insane thinking come from?!!!
You think they have any idea how tough it is to live like we do, how fkg strong we have to be?! Every minute of every day /night :: life in truth is fkg fragile.
If they do think you weak :: I brand them ignorant.
Fuck em.

 

[NasiGoreng]

They should know because I have told them, but they have also never listened to what I have to say. They probably think im just pessimistic and want attention. I even told my therapist I have made plans to ctb, and she said it seemed like I wanted to be alive. Im sure everyone will be surprised.

 

[LastWhisper]

50/50. they know I'm want to do it, but they believe I'll avoid it.

 

[FuneralCry]

I think mine will be a surprise. I hide my emotions from others and they think I am okay for the most part. They do know I have been struggling with physical health problems, but that is about it. They do not know that I think of ctb all the time and if they knew, they would desperately try to prevent it and try to find solutions. There is nothing anybody can do though, non existence is what I want and I simply do not like living. Other people would not understand that.

 

[WaaaghEnjoyer]

It will be a big surprise. They still talk to me about future plans, like "we gotta go there in two years", "we'll do X after you finish college" and I just nod or laugh since I have no intention of being around for that long. But since I have "no reason" to do it, then it means I won't do it. Big logic

 

[CoolGuy9]

Probably not. Most people know I'm mentally ill. I just wish I could see how people will be once I'm gone.

 

[Verodv]

I've talked and ask for help, both friends and family and doctors. Tried once in 2003 18yo (recorded in hospital as "accident" for my parent shame) then in 2017 32yo (psy ward for 2 weeks then dismissed).

It looks like that if you have a job and an organized life and ask for help you're only a whiner / attention seeker.

As we all know only ados or loosers kill themselves, why the hell should I kill myself if I have all that housplants and a hybrid toyota? WTF happen in neurotypical people brain?

 

[316]

It will definitely seem to come out of nowhere. My physical health issues are well known but for as long as I'm not complaining about it nobody really knows how much it actually effects me. My mental health is less known about and there's only 1 person who knows most of the extent of it (but not that I plan to ctb) Even still, that person won't expect it to go this far

 

[blue_muse]

It varies from party to party. It'll be a surprise to the healthcare system because of the potential spotlight they'd find themselves in; deliberately ignoring a condition that's affected how I live day to day. It won't be a surprise for family + friends who will each reassure themselves that "There's nothing I could have done. *** made *** mind up. ** knew how to contact me.", never mind the times I've reached out for help...but getting into that side is worthy of a talk-show special. However; my relative who brought me up is an exception because *** will be surprised from a selfish point of view in having to help ***self and not rely on me as an unpaid therapist, accountant, domestic servant, assistant, social worker, problem-solver, confidante etc.

 

[Suicide]

Yes.

 

[fox_wannabe]

Yes... If i do It. Big one...

 

[LittleJem]

No, other than they don't think I'll do it cos I've been talking about it for so long...even though I do tell them it's what I want.

 

[Flippy]

I think some people will be surprised lol! I think with some people involved in my "treatment" there will be surprise. I detect a perception that when I say I'm suicidal, it's seem as I'm throwing a strop for attention as I haven't gone through with it yet. Well after 3 serious attempts that I kept hidden (more or less) I learned that it's not like doing laundry or having a cup of tea.

I only recently started to open up about previous attempts, though I guess only one had a shot at working in the end. Walking around with a dark, visible ligature mark around your neck that people definitely notice teaches you that a messed up attempt can have consequences that can cause more distress.

So I plan, run it through over and over in my head until I feel sure I've worked out all the potential failure points. It won't be a "cry for help" I feel damned inconvenienced being born/alive in the first place and now I have to rectify that, hopefully with the least pain and misery possible. Nor will it be me throwing a tantrum or fit, I feel so annoyed when people twist things like that. Like I'm holding my life hostage to get a fucking playstation or something.