Why?

[Mustkeyknow]

Why did I got depression? Why now? Why me? I got the right recipe, drug abuse, lack of direction, poverty, but I also tried to get better before it even started. Before the depression started I tried to learn new skills, I was doing yoga, I was strength training, I was working hard, I thought I was going places... but when it came, but when it started, none of that mattered. And just like that I lost everything. My job, my body, my direction, my will to live. What the fuck?

I want my life back.

 

[KiraLittleOwl]

There's no why. Why is a human thing.
I am sorry. Asked this question myself many many times

 

[GrumpyFrog]

I know this is probably a rhetorical question that doesn't require an answer. But I just wanted to tell that it isn't because of something you did or didn't do. It is a combination of natural predisposition of your brain and bad life circumstances you landed yourself in, just a bad hand you were dealt. You name reasons that got you down at this point in your life yourself, so I'm sure you understand you weren't under the best of circumstances. Depression is, sadly, pretty common, there is nothing wrong with you for getting it. Many people go through this at some point in their lives, and most eventually get better, so you can too.
I'm sorry for your struggle. Hang on in there.