Why is it so hard to get into a loving relationship? I ask myself this question every single day and I haven't found an answer yet. I get close and then I get screwed over or it makes my depression go up and down severly. I'm 23 right now and I've never been in a relationship before... fuck I haven't even kissed a girl before. I feel pathetic and I don't see this changing my entire life. People keep saying stay positive, go to the gym, ... well I tried that but it doesn't change who I am and maybe that's just the problem. Maybe it's because I'm bi I don't even know anymore. Working on myself does not fix the problem.
People keep calling me cute, sweet, sensitive and extremely caring but no one actually wants me. The people that do show interest usually end up playing with my feelings one way or another. It's already hard to find a partner due to the things I've been through. I'm looking for someone that understands me and apparently that's hard... I usually find someone I like about once a year but it never works out and I don't know why. I hate myself, I hate my life and I hate everything. I really wish I wasn't here right now.
Not sure why I'm writing this pathetic post... probably just to get this off my chest so I don't attempt to do anything stupid tonight. I don't know how much longer I can handle this... my posts keep getting worse and worse and the amount of suicide attempts keep increasing. People keep talking about their dreams... well... my dream is to be loved by someone. That's the cure to my depression... that's what makes me happy. No matter how much I love myself, that's not going to change. I've had my heart shattered into a million pieces so many times now that I don't think I'll ever be able to trust anyone ever again.
People keep calling me cute, sweet, sensitive and extremely caring but no one actually wants me. The people that do show interest usually end up playing with my feelings one way or another. It's already hard to find a partner due to the things I've been through. I'm looking for someone that understands me and apparently that's hard... I usually find someone I like about once a year but it never works out and I don't know why. I hate myself, I hate my life and I hate everything. I really wish I wasn't here right now.
Not sure why I'm writing this pathetic post... probably just to get this off my chest so I don't attempt to do anything stupid tonight. I don't know how much longer I can handle this... my posts keep getting worse and worse and the amount of suicide attempts keep increasing. People keep talking about their dreams... well... my dream is to be loved by someone. That's the cure to my depression... that's what makes me happy. No matter how much I love myself, that's not going to change. I've had my heart shattered into a million pieces so many times now that I don't think I'll ever be able to trust anyone ever again.
