Why I’m back to this website after a while off

[lobster salad]

After being off this website to complete my projects and after finding new ways to cope (alcohol and cigarettes, I'm back now because MY BEST FRIEND BLOCKED ME. I cannot she was the only I could talk to suicide about. My time is coming extra soon. I already wrote my note everything planned for next June to do it. But how am I gonna livve till then???????? I CANOOT HOW AM I GONNA HOLD IN EVERYTHING? After such bad week why did she do this??? It has never been this bad before. I don't expect any of u guys to miss me. I don't even think u guys noticed my absence I'm calling the line rn. I'm may jump tonight and leave everything half done it's impossible.... GUYS IF U DONT GET IT I CANNOT MOVE ON. Why doesn everything happen to me why why why why why. nnnoooooo whyyy I'm losing it I'm dying pleasasees something just good sometnign goooodfd kust happen Nnoww nooooo. Im decided to change my mind I'm gonna jump now bye

Edit: I cannot kill my self I cannot work up the courage for some reason I still feel slightly unaccomplished

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

Do you know anyone here you could talk to in private (PM)? I agree--being abandoned by your non-suicidal friends can hurt a lot. We're always being reminded that we're not entitled to anyone else's time or company. But still, when we share we're suicidal, we're "selfish." :(

 

[lobster salad]

Do you know anyone here you could talk to in private (PM)? I agree--being abandoned by your non-suicidal friends can hurt a lot. We're always being reminded that we're not entitled to anyone else's time or company. But still, when we share we're suicidal, we're "selfish." :(

I had people here but it'll hurtthem and it feels like a lot of them don't care about me I don't think anyone cares

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

I had people here but it'll hurtthem and it feels like a lot of them don't care about me I don't think anyone cares

I have this fantasy that all of us here, hurting the way we do, get each other. At least enough to care about each other. I think there's a chat room here on SS. I don't have luck with chat rooms, but you might try it to see if you find someone to chat with. Maybe I'm just a hypocrite. This stuff hasn't worked for me... But I hope it does for you. I've lost so many "friends" over the years I've stopped trying to form friendships. Not worth the effort and they don't last anyway since people are even encouraged by the "mental health profession" to abandon people like us who don't get better and are, therefore, a threat to others' mental health. Funny how everyone else is encouraged to abandon us but, by force if necessary, we're prevented from abandoning ourselves.

Don't know why I'm jabbering. Just wish I could offer you some solace.

 

[Worndown]

Not everyone can handle a conversation on CTB. It might have been more than she can handle and shutting down was her way of coping. People here do not know you personally but are coping with the concept. Lean on them when you need support. Think of it as having a lot of helpful neighbors.

 

[Pure]

I cannot emphasize enough that people who are suicidal should not talk to non suicidal people/mental health professionals about it for this reason.

They'll just end up abandoning you and people around them will tell them they made the correct choice because of how draining it is to listen to you.

I saw a reddit post about a man whose ex girlfriend tried to kill herself and her friend told him because she never did (the man and the ex were still friends) and he was talking about he was being negatively affected by her not talking about it with him and the fact she didn't want to see a psychiatrist and of course the only other reply was coddling his feelings and making her seem like the bad one for having boundaries because suicidal people are inherently seen as monsters and threat to everyone else.

Yeah so I'm sorry your "best friend" blocked you but it's the inevitable outcome when you talk to normies about this.

People here do not know you personally but are coping with the concept. Lean on them when you need support. Think of it as having a lot of helpful neighbors.

!!

 

[Hurt]

I'm back too. More active. I was focused on my job and other stuff and my suicidal thoughts almost disappeared but here I'm again. It's impossible to escape these thoughts.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry you are suffering, it must be painful to have to go through that, people can be cruel, and can disappoint us, I understand. I wish you well.

 

[lobster salad]

Im better now and really glad she unblocked me a few days ago, but I still dare not send her anything. I worry I'll say something wrong and make her do it again. Just knowing I can reach her again gave me some comfort and I feel less alone now.