Why haven't you given up yet?

[SadGirl]

Is there any reason for not giving up and doing ctb? Any friends, family, parents ?? I wanted to commit ctb, but I can't leave my mother in this filthy world, she needs me, and I'm only here because of her.

 

[WornOutLife]

Because I'm a coward and also because my dad really needs me.
I can kinda relate to what you're feeling.

 

[Wrennie]

I've totally given up. I just can't afford the consequences of failure.

 

[the_final_countdown]

Trying.

SI is hard to overcome.

 

[ZardozOmega]

I have. I just need the courage to end it all.

 

[tra]

I have given up a long time ago. But I know that my death would profoundly hurt my mother and partner so I just keep suffering until the pain is unbearable. At least the thought that I can end it all and escape the world at any moment is comforting.

 

[maybewantodie]

I don't have any ways to die and I don't even know how to get the blade out of a sharpener

 

[Water-Lily]

I'm holding onto the possibility of life getting better. Also, I think deep down I don't Wally want to die. I just want to escape the turmoil of my current situation along with my BPD/depression. It is to a point where I would rather die than live, even thought I don't really want to die. Life has just pushed me to this point. Realistically speaking, I think there is a high possibility that I might die in a bought of mania/BPD spiral one day.

 

[rs929]

I have given up. Suicide is too difficult tho

 

[Rue89]

SI and anxiety, my cat, my mom, and never having enough time alone to ctb. (I live with my mom)

 

[Sakura94]

parents, hope, maybe SI, hope...

 

[Mentalmick]

I don't know. I know I'd rather be dead. I resent having to kill myself to be rid of these feelings. I think I would actually have a better life if I was locked away from the world so I didn't have to interact with it, but the only option there is prison. And that's problematic. I suppose I could go round the local cop shop and kick the shit out of one of their cars.

 

[nowhere2befound]

When you give up on everything it is as easy to give up on ctb too

 

[Sea Turtle]

Only thing holding me back is regretting not being able to physically be with the one I love. Though I guess in the end nothing matters ...

 

[Freedom Believer]

Family.

 

[Throwmyselfaway]

Because 1 dumb thing after another stops me. I'm just postponing my date another month... I hope

 

[Lost Magic]

I only really lived for my mother. Now that she is gone life is more empty and all I want to do is sleep. I hope to be gone sometime this year when my will and burial fees are taken care of. I am sorry for those who are leaving loved ones behind. That must be really difficult.

 

[Pen>Sword]

I wanted to commit ctb, but I can't leave my mother in this filthy world, she needs me, and I'm only here because of her.

Kudos for you for being the light of the world for her. Such acts are truly noble. She is your raison d'être.

The reason why I'm alive is that what if the one I feared the most never happened. I have a fear of failure. It could be anything from losing my future nursing license, killing someone on the road accidentally, or being a major nuisance/burden/headache to my family. All of these hasn't happened, or at least not yet. Then again, life is too unpredictable.

I'd like to see the next chapter in my life. If my fear happened, I'll kill myself. I always have that option. As for now, my fear hasn't happened, or at least not yet. I'll standby, and I'll allow my family to love me as long as I'm alive and in vice versa. My family loves me unconditionally despite every headache I've caused them.

I also have a religious reason not to ctb, but this is a taboo topic in this community, so I'll end it here.

 

[hopelessyearning]

Trying.

SI is hard to overcome.

Can you tell me what is SI I'm new around here Spanish speaker Thanks

 

[plough22]

Family SI but mainly failure which would be horrendous. My job involves helping, they wouldn't accept me, see as weakness as would my friends: I want the pain in my head to end

 

[Lost Magic]

As Joker said: I've got nothing left to lose. Nothing can hurt me anymore

 

[YellowSneakers]

I've given up. I just need to be 100% committed to such a significant endeavor. Can't have a failed attempt. Can't be a cry for help. If I do thing it has to be all the way.

 

[SadGirl]

I don't know. I know I'd rather be dead. I resent having to kill myself to be rid of these feelings. I think I would actually have a better life if I was locked away from the world so I didn't have to interact with it, but the only option there is prison. And that's problematic. I suppose I could go round the local cop shop and kick the shit out of one of their cars.

A psychiatric clinic seems to be more suitable for you, have you thought? I'm thinking of going in a while, so I can disappear for a while. I think I will go soon, at least to contain my desire to ctb a little, I cannot die now.

 

[TheSonOfTheArcher]

I gave up awhile back, just working up the nerve and waiting for a good night to do it.

I just feel slightly bad about leaving my cat behind, but she will have people taking care of her.

 

[NightmareTour]

Pretty much just for the sake of my family at the moment. I've already given up internally, but a couple of opportunities opened themselves up just when I was ready to go, so I'm seeing them through. Neither of them were as promising as they were made to sound, and it looks like I've already been dropped from one of them with no warning after my first real appointment. Don't think I'll be trying for much longer.

 

[makingsure4]

I've given up. Kind of just waiting for when it feels like the right time. Prepping still. Got no one to "leave behind". A community service brings me meals and sometimes I get "excited" about what new meal it may taste like, but probably not much longer. I was waiting anxiously crossing of days in my calendar like those nativity calendars had as a kid..all the way from June to recently for the Rebreather. Now crossing off days seems random and pointless when it used to be my favorite part of the day. I'm really spiritual and the spirit of my dad I don't think wants me on "the other side" quite yet but he wouldn't ask me to keep living this miserable life in isolation much longer either. Still prepping. Takes preparation to succeed to ctb, I think.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I've like 98% given up. There is a 1% chance that I meet a perfect partner that would make me reverse on my giving up and make me want to actually try things I normally wouldn't and another 1% chance that I eventually get a fulfilling dream job that would make me at least feel compelled to want to make more of an effort on things.

 

[Natty]

Suicide isn't just deciding to do it one day and then ending it, there is just too much biological imperative to live.

It's something you have to condition yourself into being comfortable with, it's a process. It's a big decision, so this makes sense. The simple reality is, with enough time, honesty, and self-reflection the answer will become clearer and clearer, You will eventually just decide if the right thing to do is to discontinue suffering, and then go from there.

 

[Nymph]

My bunny, I can't leave him alone because he's so attacked to me and he would be so sad. I need to be here for him...

 

[*Hope*]

To keep my family happy.
Also i'm a coward ,which doesn't help either :D