Discussion Why do some people use “insecurity” as insult?

[AnxiousLife]

Whenever they don't agree with you or don't want to admit the truth, some people use "you're just insecure" as some kind of universal answer. I don't understand why.

It's like people get to choose to be insecure or confident, which is obviously not the case. So why it's being used like this, often?

Confidence or insecurity is often times just a result of what genes you have, how people treated you in the past and what experiences you encountered, that may have shifted your view of yourself and thus your confidence.

It doesn't have to be your choice or even something you can possibly significantly change (in some cases), I would say.

So why do some people use "you're just insecure" as an insult, in your opinion?

 

[Reeincarnation]

It's a very effective Ad Hominem, that's why. A lot of people resort to this because they found themselves cornered in their own logic, with nothing counterargumentative to say.

It is effective because no one wants to admit they are insecure as a whole, that means admitting that you see yourself as lower than others, or not enough. Being vulnerable is hard for everyone so most people can easily react to an insult like that. We are all insecure about something in our own way, there is nothing embarrassing about that. So it's also quite the insensitive "insult".

It's true some things can signal insecurity or low-self esteem, simply disagreeing with something is not one of them.

People say silly or hurtfult stuff just because they ran out of things to say, they care more about winning the argument with their ego untouched rather than actually communicating.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I suppose primarily- they use it to try to insist that they are right- for one. That our opinion can't be trusted because we aren't perceiving the world normally I suppose.

I guess we're animals at the end of the day too. Maybe we're just programed to pick on the weakest.

So many times during my education or working life, I was told I wasn't confident enough. A manager even took the piss out of my posture once. I suppose though- it meant to an extent- I was in fact failing at my job. Especially customer/ patient facing jobs. Because- you are representing the company you work for. To come across as unconfident/ hesitant can make people doubt your abilities which then reflects badly on the company.

It is so difficult though- as you say. Confidence isn't something we necessarily choose whether or not to have. How we behave is a reflection of what's going on inside. It can be so difficult to try and present as someone we're not. It's partly why I far prefer working alone and freelance. There's far less contact with people that shows my true self up.

It does seem doubly cruel though. The chances seem to me- that someone lacking confidence has likely turned out that way through being put down and bullied. To then be effectively bullied for not being confident is another kick in the teeth.

The approach I always prefered was for someone to say- we need to work on building up your confidence. Not that that worked either!