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H

heavysoul

don’t want to die, don’t want to live
Feb 5, 2025
50
Rant partly inspired by @endofeverything:
After reading @endofeverything's post about not knowing their reason for being suicidal, I started thinking about my reasons and realized I'm in a very similar boat.

It's especially become apparent to me recently since starting a draft of my first suicide note that I don't have many tangible reasons to articulate about why I want to kill myself. Mainly it's just that I feel like I get to a depressed place quite often where I contemplate suicide, and even if I get better, it's always temporary, as my suicidal thoughts always come back. Therapists tell me to remember that I don't need to give any weight to my suicidal thoughts, as they aren't necessarily indicative of what I actually believe. But I always feel like these suicidal thoughts are a voice of some real part of me. I guess, as cheesy as it sounds, I'm ready for the dark thoughts to take over me and to let them win.

But like, I seriously wish I could identify some tangible reasons why I'm suicidal, even if they're mainly philosophical reasons. Because if I do decide to ctb, I want to leave behind a note adequately explaining my decision to my loved ones and leaving them with a sense of closure. Killing myself with no apparent reason would certainly leave them more upset than if it seemed like I had a well thought-out explanation.
 
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angel-of-death

angel-of-death

Member
Sep 19, 2024
10
depression is a reason of itself. people often talk about reasons to live, as if a miserable life is worth living. what's the point? it's a act of mercy, to be freed of this hell
 
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charcoalcat

charcoalcat

The only thing humans are equal in is death
Apr 17, 2018
124
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